I have to ignore you
         have to ignore you
                             ignore you
                                          ignore
                          until the pain goes away
                 the pain goes away
          pain goes away
     goes away
away

When I finally opened the door,
all that came walking through was a con artist;
making me believe all the things I wanted to believe
and leaving me with so much less than when I started-
stripping me of essence, of virtue, of spirit,
and forcing me to slam the door shut.
I locked it behind me.

graceful kisses on your cheek and
tiny embraces that feel deeply huge
little writings and scribbles that say I love you
a soft, silk voice singing a beautiful harmony
or tiny hands sweetly touching your hair and
a smile that's bringing you coffee
eyes as big and bright as the dreams behind them
the magnetic energy that emits from this body and
a heart of gold wrapped in both laughter and tears
and a million paintings and a million poems
and a million little things to show how big I love
because I do
I love big and that love wasn’t enough for you
but it’s enough for me and someday it will be enough for someone too

seven times in three weeks I cried:
the first time I was teary eyed
when I warmly journaled about you
my heart was hopeful and enveloped by cry number two
the third time was while looking at my empty bookshelves
the cracks and holes began to show themselves
on to four, it ate at my core
five was fun, I was on the phone with my mom
six too, I should have left a voicemail for you
but on the seventh there were only tears of emptiness, of helplessness, of defeat
seven times in three weeks
I cried
and all because of you, my sweet.

but he is not here (no longer).
look and see:
the body is gone
and the stone rolled away.
he is alive (forever)!
for he has returned to his home (his rightful place)
he is no longer lost,
but found (always found).