I'd wish you'd see me at home.
When I look my best.
My shirt tight,
that pushes up my *****.
When my eyes look naughty
And mishevious.
When my curves pop out the way you like it.
When I walk around in my boy shorts,
giving my **** a cute and **** look.
I could play rough or play it gentle.
I just want to be looked at in that way.
That's all.

Your brownish-green eyes are my favorite.
They hold me in a trance,
make my heart flutter.
I want to hate you ..
Your browinsh-green eyes are ones that players behold.
I hate that whenever I'm in a crowd,
your always the one I first look for.
Whenever your next to me,
I have to fight myself to not take a glance.
I hate the way you cause me so much agony and pain yet,
you always occupy my mind.
When I try to date someone else,
they remind me of you.
But now I remember.
You never cared.
I was only a game.
And sadly,
you won.
I'm dying slowly,
using my energy to keep you near.
You hurt be dearly darling.
Your the reason for my tears.
The reason for the scars on my body.
It pains me to even look into your brownish-green eyes.
Because I know that if I do,
I will fall once again...

We used to be bestfriends.
We used to write to eachother who'd we be if we could have chosen ourselves.
We used to hangout everyday,
the anxiety instantly dripping away.
Because we just didn't care.
We used to talk about all our problems and ways we can fix eachother.
We used to ditch class to talk humbly.
We'd take pictures and have irritation when someone would steal our spot.
Even in the large,
rough grounded place.
We sat leg to leg.
Shoulder to shoulder.
We used to listent to music and fight the urge to scream.
We used to be so close.
Your the Beauty and I'm the Beast.

Purple was my favorite colour as a little girl.
It was probably every little girls SECOND colour.
I always thought pink was too girly
and too happy.
I liked purple because it was bolder,
manlier.
But ever since Justin Bieber's favorite colour is now purple...
Purple will never be my favorite colour again.

I can't explain any of the pain I go through.
Either its too much,
or you wouldn't understand.
Probably the second one.
I'm a complicated person.
I get confused easily,
about MANY things.
Sometimes,
I can be the happiest person on earth,
and the next second,
I'm all depressed.
It's just the way I am.

Believe me when I speak to you.
Believe me when I say you complete me.
Believe me when I say I need you.
Believe me when I say I feel safe in your arms.
Believe me when I say things will never be the same.
Believe me when I hug you,
I don't wanna let go.
Believe me,
when you hold me,
I wish YOU'D never let me go.
Believe me when I say these words to you.
Love is all I feel for you.

Late night tears are hidden.
In a solid yet soft white blank pillow.
Words whispered in gratitude and longing..
Where has time gone?
I miss the way your lips search for mine,
during endless mazes.
Your voice has entwined itself into my blood stream;
bringing me back to life.
I can't help but wonder.
Have you ever shed tears for me?
Does your heart ever urn for my touch?
Does your mind ever miss my harmonic voice,
the sleepless nights my face is plastered in front of your eyes.
These late night tears are falling silently,
against your bare,
warm chest.

They say that love is forever,
your forever is all that I need.
Your my other half, my twin
and companion.
You've completed my life Beauty.
Made it better than it was,
I wish you'd talk to me...
Tell me things you wish you couldn't.
Trust me.
I can't lose you.
I WON'T lose you.
That's not an option.
Please Beauty.
What if I fell to the floor,
couldn't take this anymore...
What would you do?
Please don't leave me,
I don't know long I could stay sane without you here.
My dear, sweet, sweet
beauty.

Would you even miss me?
You are the heart,
that beats inside of me.
If you give up tonight,
you give up on me.
I can't let you go.
Your perfect flaws.
Your cheesy smile.
Your weird ways and sassy remarks.
You are not alone

I want to fight.
For my friends,
my family.
But I'm not strong enough.
Never will be.

The raven was perched upon my window ledge.
Whispering sinful melodies that were only heard by my ear.
I grin, having a silent conversation with the delicate and haunted bird.
Others thought I was crazy!
Saying there was no such thing as a conversation with rodent,
but oh were they wrong!
This maginficent bird stole away my sanity,
his malevolent eyes staring into my soul, ripping it up piece by piece.
But I did not surrender, still spoke to the ruthless bird.
He was my only 'friend', the other kids thought I was mad.
I wasn't mad you see,
just an acquisitive raven who stole away my sanity.

I wish I had you.
Wish you could see me when I feel pretty
(Which is a rare occasion)
I want you to take wacky photos with me.
I wish you'd see the way I look at you.
Hear the way my heart screams out your name.
I wish your lips would meet mine again..
I want your kisses again.
Every song reminds me of you.
A memory too great to forget and too painful to remember.
Cuddling on your silky soft bed,
whispering how much we love each other.
The 3rd Soft Kitty song done slow.
When I look in the mirror,
I wish you were behind me,
staring back.
I want to play video games and act like kids who never knew what living meant!
I want you to compliment me when you want me to hurry up.
I want someone to dress up for.
I want your love.
Your heart,
your soul.
I wish I (h)ad you.

The number 25 was marked along the front of my hand, between my thumb and index finger.
It lowered each and every day.
Its no tattoo,
nothing that I wanted to be inprinted on my very skin.
I wasn't your normal girl,
I was more than that.
People call me:
Saint,
Devil Worshipper,
but you see, I'm not any of those things.
I may have different things about me,
that no one else has.
But I am still human.
I have a heartbeat,
blood,
a mind,
and a soul just like the rest of you.
I am no alien.
You wouldn't be able to tell I was different just by looking at me.
You'd say a friendly hi,
and get taken back from the others.
She is cursed.
They would say to you.
I do not get effected by the quiet whispers that are around me,
tis is nothing new.
They say the number on my hand is the days I've worked for the devil.
The day I fell from heaven and hit rock bottom.
The day I reached up from the ground and cursed this Earth.
They have no clue what this number means.
Would you like to know ?
Every day the numbers go down..
24
Waiting...
23
Waiting...
22
Waiting...
21
Anticipation.­..
20
Ignore the whispers...
19
Live like there is nothing wrong...
18
Enjoy being out in the sun...
17
Your fine...
16
Live on...
15
The crazy buzzing noise in your head...
14
Your hearts still beating...
13
Thee unlucky number...
12
Pace the room...
11
Bite your fingernails...
10
Whisper silently to yourself...
9
The world becomes to darken...
8
Your blood begans darken...
7
The air gets colder...
6
Your legs start to shake...
5
Your thoughts become realer...
4
Nervous of what is coming...
3
Don't forget to say goodbye...
2
Watch the number mold into your hand
1
I'm dead...

Being as high as I am,
I feel pretty **** low.
Manipulated to the point of not knowing right,
from wrong.
Family secrets unraveling slowly like a snake from sleep.
Poisonous fangs shooting out like lies.
Killing.
I'm no ones baby girl anymore.
I've become the monster hidden beneath my bed.
I'm an emotion disaster killing every living organism in my path.
Fall in love too slow,
too fast.
Have 991 on speed dial because sometimes,
the other half comes out.
No sleep,
no serenity,
no hope.
Satan's music blast through my devil ears,
sinning to the point being an angel,
is the worst in the book.
It crashed hard.
I could barely breath..
I've learned to use my heart when needed.
I've forgotten how.
For being as high as I am,
why do you make me so low?

I want to be left alone.
To cry,
to sleep.
To be left alone with my feelings.
I wouldn't have people asking me what's wrong,
wouldn't have to explain myself.
Some people say being alone isn't good,
Well I disagree.
Being alone,
helps you understand your feelings,
clear your mind.
It's peaceful and quiet.
That's why I prefer being alone.

Shaking violently,
My mind whispers your name.
I will dream of you tonight,
My darling.
Yet I bet I never pass through your thoughts.
You never smile at my texts or wish I was there
You don't do you ?
I doubt it.
I doubt your dreams are filled of me.
I doubt your smiles are meant for me.
I doubt you want to hold me in your arms.
I doubt you'll ever love me like I love you .

Whispering willows,
slowly singing a euphony.
Cries loud enough to hear through soundproof walls
and covered vents.
Leaves that fall to their death.
Only to be then shattered beneath a plastic,
sadistic platinum foot.
Sad trees no longer visioning its "Great Perhaps"
A cup of tea sipped every second to Pluto,
who has tragically been disclaimed as a brother,
and back.
No long wondering who and why,
when and where.
Indebtedness being a rare occasion.
The colors of summer,
adapt to the mourning sun.
Fall has come.
Where reincarnation is now the cycle of life.

I wish I didn't need you.
Wish you didn't make me smile the way you do.
Maybe someday my heart would stop beating for you.
That'd probably also be my last day.
Why are you my clarity?
Your the blood and poison that runs through my veins.
Your the one who plays my heart to every beat.
Your my stimulation.
My muse.
My almost lover ...

Darkness lurks in every corner of the corridor.
Screeching cries are echoed within the vacant halls.
Bird feathers are like bread crumbs,
leading you to appall.
The smell of chlorofor is mild.
Stinging your nostrils,
water forms behind your eyes.
This forbidden place...
Is doomed.

As I lay here in bed, my mind buzzed,
I think of how ****** up my world has become.
All because of me.
I feel trapped inside my body,
no escape.
I haven't eaten for days now,
my stomach is dead just like the rest of me.
I feel unwanted,
of course I would feel that way!
I'm useless,
a **** up,
stupid.
No one would ever want to be around someone like me..
I wouldn't want to be around someone like me either.
I have no more emotion,
trapped inside my heart,
which is slowly fading away...
Could I get better?
Maybe be more social,
smile and laugh like others,
wear bright colors,
be normal.
As I lay here in bed, my mind still buzzed,
I wish to die.
Be a free spirit of no remorse,
no pain,
no worries..
I wish it was ALL gone.
No remembrance of the past tragedies that have gone by,
I just wish it would all disapear in a gust of wind.
Wish there was ..
No tomorrow.

Lately. People have begun to believe I am God.
What a demented idea!
Last time I checked,
I ***,
I cry,
I laugh,
I bleed.
Just like the rest of yer!
No, they don't believe I have some mighty,
unnatural power.
They believe my hands are big enough to carry every ones complication.
I have my own problems,
but i am very ..
compassionate.
I can get hurt.
I bleed when I fall down or cry when I see a sad sob movie.
I may look strong and content on the inside.
But no one can see the repulsive, crestfallen deliberation inside in my head.

I'd watch her at a distance
Her lean petite body not as confident
as she seemed to be.
Her smile didn't quite reach her ears
and her laugh seemed to be strained.
Her hair falling loosely in front
of her Latin skinned face.
The strands covered her striking black eyes.
So people couldn't see the pain inside.
I couldn't yet reach her.
She seemed to get farther away,
fading.
Her heartbeat slowly sinking.
She was falling.
Into a new world.
A mad one at that.
Her soft, pale hands played softly against the guitar strings, playing a
gentle melody.
Her beautiful soul.
Which was slowly dying,
would be treasured.
"Nevermore"
Who is this hidden creature,
beyond the wall?
Tis is me and nothing more.

You try to be your best.
Try to be strong when your breaking.
You keep that smile on your face,
even if it is fake.
You try to be happy for others.
Just be you.

Come closer.
Your green and hazel eyes bright in the suns reflection.
Hold my hand and kiss it gently.
Tell me that you've had enough.
Of our love..
I love the way your smile bursts into starlight
The way your laugh makes the lights on the door light up!
The way my fingers feel when they run through your blonde soft hair.
I love the way you hug me tight,
you don't care when I don't let go.
The way your body fits perfectly with mine
I can't say I love you.
But you can say you adore me.
The way your lips trace the outline of mine.
Your hands gripping my body as if your were molding a clay body of me.
Your large hands wrap around my small ones.
I love you.
You Adore me.

The warm water rushes through your hair.
You look up,
seeing the sun glimmer across the surface of the water.
Your body propels upward,
breaking through the water and into the cold air.
You feel free.
You want to take the chance,
go near shore.
You have nothing to lose,
so you swim.
Your mouth and under covered by the aqua water.
You see men,
working.
Walking.
You look at my your pearly white tail.
You lean on your palm,
sighing.
You could watch them all day.
Until a guy caught your eye.
Dark hair,
and a pair of dark eyes to match.
His hair lays infront of his face.
You watch him closely,
the way his muscles flex when he picks up some type of square.
A bax ?
No No .
Box! That's it.
You were zoning out when his eyes moved towards you.
You gasped,
wide mouth.
His eyes widen.
You slowly back away,
and when you see him walk closer to the edge,
you swim away.
Your tail flapping water at his face.
You went lower in the water,
you could see the faint figure of his face.
When  you said you had nothing to lose..
I guess that didn't mean that was your heart !

What now?
Please tell me.
Why am I here?
Who am I?
I am lost in a jungle of dark, radioactive killing machines.
No feelings,
no sound.
Silence rings along the ****** ground.
Stumbling back acid like branches,
hitting me.
I don't know where to go.
I dont know...
Please tell me...
WHAT NOW!

We would be walking in the chilly air.
Soft and frequent cheers from young monsters and fairies
The common 'trick or treat' as a door becomes ajar
We would be a pair
You'll complete mine
And I'll complete yours
An occasional scare from a ****** clown or beast
Brings me closer to your warmth
We ditch the crowded sidewalks for a cozy bed
Accompanied by hot cocoa and a fuzzy blanket
An endless amount of Halloween themed movies
Starting with The Nightmare Before Christmas
Ending with gore and guts
My eyes sheltered by your chest
We'd look back at the pictures taken
Printing them on the Polaroid
Our memories on paper
You'd pull me closer
Tell me how sweet I smell
I'd giggle and deny it
Slowly but surely our eyelids begin to weigh
We finally succumb to the unwanted
but needed, sleep
Our nightmares subdued by the feeling of being next to one another
But sadly...
I'm here
Listening to the leaves sway outside
You're there
Probably playing a game,
yelling at your TV
All I can do is express the desires for us,
**for now

I've tried so hard lately.
To be what you want me to be.
I've put everyone ahead of me,
making me last on the list.
Fasting has become a habit...
An unhealthy one.
I no longer feel the corner of my lips curl up anymore.
I don't feel that rumble in my chest when I laugh.
I don't hear my heart beat within my ears.
I'm lost,
I try.
I'm scared,
I try.
They quit,
I try.
I fall,
I try.
I get back up.
What's the meaning of trying when your pushed back down?

I like to think of what it would be like to be loved.
Like REAL love.
No stupid,
one day,
crazy,
love.
I want the real thing.
Or maybe just a relationship with someone,
that will write me silly love poems,
play fight with me,
call me beautiful instead of hot.
Everyone says that you need love.
But what if it doesn't want you?
What then?
I've given up on the thought of love.
The thought that someone could love me,
make me feel like I'm worth something.
I've been hurt too much.
Wayyy to much.
So how can I trust myself when I let myself go through the pain ..
It's simple.
I don't.

The best thing to do instead of complaining is be silent.
Well, that's what I've been taught.
When people ask you what's wrong,
they really don't care.
They just want you to think that.
Make you tell them everything.
Then use it against you.
I keep what I want to say inside,
sometimes,
I only say the little things.
That really don't matter.
I've thought of being mute,  
to never speak again.
I wouldn't have to say what I feel,
wouldn't have to put my feelings out there.
That would make things so much easier.
For me.
For everyone.

Live in my world,
Watch through my eyes.
Hear the thoughts
and listen to the lies ..
To feel the pain and agony which consumes my soul.
The dead,
cold heart in my chest.
That will soon lay me to rest

We deserve to be happy.
Deserve to smile and laugh.
To feel like we have the right to breath and be free.
Do you ever feel like your not worthy of living?
Well don't.
Your here on this very earth for a reason.
I know I sound like some stupid theraspist who just wants to make you feel 'better'
but I'm not,
I feel like this too.
Feel like I'm not good enough for my beating heart.
The rich scarlet red blood rushing through my body.
I don't deserve to be happy..
I've treated my mind and body horribly,
but I want to be happy.
Just feel more like myself when I'm not.
What makes you you?

You play mind games,
steal away hearts
and feelings..
If all of the stuff people say is true..
Then why do I still love you ?

I want you close.
Want your warm body next to mine.
I want to taste your lips.
Want your skin against mine.
I want our bodies to collide,
be one.

Slowly sinking into a hopeless nightmare.
The memory of you hauting me,
killing me.
Can't you see what your doing to me?
Prying into my dreams and giving me a ..
kiss with a fist.