The beaming sun burns my eyes,
my nose,
my lips
and all my lies.
I wake in the fear that my cover will be blown
That someone may see that I'm all alone.

Will they care?
In a world where no one tries
to accept that everyone fights
with themselves, their mind, their own end in sight.

I rise from my bed.
The tears of last night dry on the pillow but fresh in my mind.
My body longs to fall in the solace of the cotton that comforts my weary soul every night.

But still I go on because today is a new day,
Possibilities are endless they say
But happiness is mine to find.

if i told you that i loved you, would you say it back?
if i asked to get to know you, would you open up?
if i told you that i need you, would you try to get me back?

you're oblivious to my feelings, please don't leave me in the dark.

it's eating at me inside
i'm not sure i'll survive,
maybe you'll see the pain in my eyes?

the words are at the tip of my tongue,
my tears threatening to spill,
i take a deep breath and then I begin
this story of why i'm tired

i'm looking at you with hope in my eyes
maybe you'll save me from it all?

but you look at me with nothing but disgrace in your eyes
as your words start to eat me alive

'you are a teenage girl, naivety fresh in your mind,
you haven't seen the world yet,
how will you survive?'

i'm sitting in stress
anxiety next,
fear aching through my body

i just want you to know that this is the best
you'll ever get to know me.

Very often I think about what life would be like for us together.
This may shock you as we've been part of each other's for so long.

But I mean this differently.

What if I was in your life because you wanted me there?
What if we were more than something so torturously platonic?
What if I was everything to you for a moment and then you'd know what you meant to me a long time ago?

Sometimes I think that its ridiculous.
That in no way could you and I be more than old friends, a mere passer-by in this journey of life.

Other times, I feel so strongly that I could stand in front of a bullet for you and peacefully die.

Sometimes you smile at me and all my problems dissipate into meaningless cries
Sometimes you look me in my eyes and I wonder how you and I could never be apart.

But now this back and forth makes me realise,
That maybe you don't see me the way I see you.

I put you on pedestals that you never deserved
I put you first and forgot myself from time to time.

But no longer shall this be my blunder
I know now, or perhaps I always knew,
That you and I were perhaps never true.

There is a part of me you inspire
I've never met you,
never known you,
never asked you,
Is this the life you desire?

There is a certain solace to being alone.
It is not explainable, it is not understandable,
but it is a perfect art.