O, great deity of the heavens
ruler of the eternal seas
bounder of day and night to threads on the threshold of time,
won't you let me rest me in peace at last?
It's been 900 years,
years of wandering and bleak emptiness,
where each day has gone by with mortals' risings and deaths,
where each second has gone by that I have not forgotten,
all who have passed away.
O Goblin, now is a time to rejoice in sadness and pain
for I have found the Goblin's Bride,
whose laughs echo through her lost soul
whose being shines bright to me everyday,
whose purpose of creation in every second,
serves to be my death.
But I the Goblin,
who has dreamed of the end for 900 years
suddenly repent in remorse at leaving
my shining Goblin Bride behind,
who suddenly seems to me
not here upon serving for my death,
but here to serve as the purpose of my existence,
of my life,
of my reason to keep living.
O, my Goblin's Bride,
I love you.

So this is what it feels like
to be a new person....
no one recognizes me
and I pass on by unnoticed,
what should I do to get everyone's attention
to make my old friends remember me again,
to be acknowledged and smiled at
but maybe....
it's just foolish selfishness!
because why should I need any acknowledgement
from any of them
because who said they were worthy of my knowledge,
who said they should even matter,
I can determine that myself
I don't need to listen to what others think
the rules and standards they set, the expectations they ensure,
who ever gave them the right
to take control of my life,
my smiles,
my knowledge,
my actions
my soul,
my universal being,
when they did they ever have that right
to act like my life
was just another one of theirs?
the answer is simple:
never.

The tumbling world is
going by in a blur,
my mechanical parts
act and speak for me,
there are smiles and
gleeful laughter,
dancing in the light
while the shadow
passes on by unnoticed,
every second I am
masterful and achieved,
a superior and stunning
actress, so incredible
I could fool the heavens,
so mind blowing that
I could fool myself,
and in the end I crawl into
bed and dream and dream,
finding no memories in my head
when I wake up heavy and numb,
it's a false light over a heavy darkness,
but if I can't even see it myself,
who could?

Oh I feel so angry yet numb,
     my nerves are teetering in the rush,
my eyes flashing like crazed
     brim stones set on fire,
yet it's just a cold ache
     a burning numb sensation,
as I revel in others'
pitiful,
       anguishing,
               strikingly cold and grinding hot,
                                     ignorance.

It's that trembling threshold,
the standpoints in between time
where the seconds line up
one by one,
and the dread...
trickles in with a devilish delight,

so just build a sturdy
enveloping enclosed towering wall,
made with shimmering colors
and the so- called goodness
of your world
make it shine so that
whatever you do, you
won't ever see your reflection,

Pour the state of mind
into the so- called
success of your kind,
your age, your society, your time,
even though it might hurt
to tread on a thousand glistening knives
all the way towards something
you never really cared for,
just do it,

Speak as if with
renewed strength, passion, liveliness,
paint your face beautiful
for the world to see,
although each smile of yours
may cost a thousand diamond night skies
a twinkle in the eye may cost
a fortune of the gods',
give them away to world
as if they had all been free from the start,

why do all this,
why put yourself through this,
because the little girls may see
the value behind raggedy kind dolls
but grownups, the know-it-all(s) don't
and they won't ever be able to get over
the missing buttons,
the lopsided care free smile,
the tangled loose hair,

So put on a show for them,
give them what they want
stitched back up together
stripped of worse
put on display for the world to see,
because the hardest part is not
only changing the world,
but having to change yourself in the process
to even receive recognition from it.

Sorry for all the things I couldn't give you
the disappointment I turned out to be
not the typical excellent polished gleaming marble statue
but a shy weathered away and graying figure
frozen among such spirited people in the world
forgive me for trying to move along with them
for wanting to live and find myself and others
for not wanting to be a perfectly polished statue frozen in time forever to be adored
then stuffed away in the back of a rusty old shed
then melted away and forgotten what my remains had once been instead
forgive me I'm sorry
that among the lies of your world I was the truth
but I couldn't find the strength within the bottom of my soul
to forgive you and let you know.

When I was
a young boy (girl)
my father took me into the city
to see a marching band
He said son (daughter)
when you grow up
will you be the savior of the beaten
the broken and the ******

dear father I never had
how could I be the savior
of the beaten
the broken and the ******
when I couldn't even be
the savior of myself.

It seems they've won, my friends...
and I've lost.

What if
God was a side effect
of a lone figure
spread out on soft green grass
smelling the fragrance of willowy flowers in the air
hearing the tinkling of fairies' laughter
a soft airy breeze ruffling it's hair and going on by
a bright muffled sun hidden by floundering stuffed clouds
enlightening the sky with what seems like
streams of heavenly light shining down onto the earth below
and what if the lone figure thought in its mind
of a kind and noble superior
seated upon a throne of golden clouds and shimmering stars  
reigning over the earth's inhabitants
with a clear conscience of goodness and purity
willing It's children the sun prince to spread golden glowing light all over the landscape
and the moon princess to shine silver dancing streams and ignite twinkling stars
and the lone figure might have found itself reveling in such fantasies so much that it seemed more and more real as time went on by in days and years
until the lone figure could not take it anymore
it wanted to share such glorious thoughts for they were too much for just only one person to know
so it told the deer and rabbits
the squirrels and birds
the bears and lions until finally
it told it's children and all the inhabitants around
and the lone figure might have known somewhere in the back of it's mind
that one little thing it forgot to mention to everything it told....
that such fantasies and daydreams might cease to exist....
and the superior being, God, might have just been a side effect of it all.

The world will break one day
but I will be gone when that happens
already perished from the exhaustion of holding goodness together
on my shoulders and wrapped around my waist
between each finger and scrawled all over my face
I would have held it all up for the whole world to see
standing there for millennium
through vast lands and seas
standing on mountains of turmoil
and looking through the cracks of bravery
I would cry weep and choke on my tears
but I would still reach for the stars
appreciate the fiery red sun
pick up every diamond resembling a rock and every rock resembling a diamond
and place them in my pockets for the weight of the world to bear
I know from an outer surface
the fight will be extinguished in the end
but the inner part of my soul
wouldn't ever mind having to pretend
that maybe one day goodness will spread out over the landscape
pouring in every object being and soul
and it would be alright that for me by then
time and vulnerability would have taken it's toil.

It's the gray light raindrops
trailing down outside my bathroom window
the airy ruffles and chill and crunchy dry leaves
of a crisp autumn day
a moment peering up
at the twinkling diamond night sky
a proud footing on high fields or the grass growing from between the cracks in a sidewalk
watching the fiery reds and purples
of a rising expectant sun god
and a sinking weary sun warrior
it's the light salty spray
of the heavy dark blue ocean
the sandy footprints
of a lone figure watching the tide along the shoreline drift back towards the horizon
a muffled bright light
behind booming tainted clouds
the small figures
of a boy and a rabbit looking down from the moon
it's nature
small bits of light
flecks of calm and contentedness
breathtaking whispers and delicious airy shivers
a parting in the soul
as a piece of it is left there
to find another's
and be united and free.

Somewhere deep within
I knew I was lost and left behind
as everyone around me continued
on and found something new
All I knew was I wanted
to bloom into a worthy
flower among the weeds and everlasting bitterness of sharp unyielding thorns
I tried to fight the rising
tide of panic as the walls closed
in around me and everyone's
misconceptions showed in
the corners of slitted eyes
The shimmering sunlight among
the dark threads of the ocean
were always within my reach but
I being the unthorough coward
was never able to figure out
how to let myself bathe under the light
and instead could only sigh longingly
appreciating the translucent fragile balance from afar
now I am thinking every second
dreaming every dream to ever come my way
my petals get more wilted
and my stem bends a little bit more every time
but my soul at the very bottom of my heart
is helping me inch towards that tender magnificent light
that will pour into my very being
nourishing cleansing freeing from any pain
and scattering my profound enlightened seeds
into the soil thriving in the great light of
the dawn of a new age.

Cheers to the
goodness in the world
I drink to and give thanks for
the ones who were once puppets
but tugged and broke free from their strings
and worked their ways towards beating hearts
thanks for those not afraid
to share their awesome worthy thoughts
with everyone else in the world
and thanks for those who might just happen to listen
such a thing as being different and true
no matter what they seem to think of you
to those who try to help others change
always pushed away but so persistent and very forgiving
thanks for their very existence
their cherishing everlasting true good selves
who know to open their eyes
and want to help the blind ones see
thank you for all the goodness in the world
and the little persistent goodness in me.

Crystalline tears
rivers of ink
flow from one's eyes
catch the tear drops
keep'em in your pocket
gather the ink and
write for the world  
be your own witness
as you pick yourself up
keep on going
and move on
crowded hallways
jammed streets
blares shouts sneers
shoves being tread on
shadows passing by
pushed off to the side
hounded and lashed out at
but at the end of the day
be your own witness as
you pick yourself up
and keep on going
and move on
rejection and outcast
numb in the dark
dull eyes staring through
voices droning on
sliding right through you
stuck in the same old
boundaries rules and appearances
nothing acknowledging your
existence
but be your own witness
as you hold your head up
square your shoulders
take a step forward, 1, 2, 3,
keep on going
and move on.

If everyone cared
and nobody cried
if everyone loved
and nobody lied
if everyone shared
and swallowed their pride
then we'd see the day
that nobody died.

Dear you
would you like to know
why you're hurting all
the time why your
bones are aching in pain
the muscles tight and
coiled bound pulled back
the nerves played like
a roughened guitar
the eyes roasted swimming
in darkness of rotten sockets
teeth being pounded upon
like heavy metal smashes down
windpipe trachea crushed in throat
skull trampled on heart ripped out
and soul set ablaze with dread
and pain would you like
to know why you suffer so
its because

you

never

got

it.

Although we take steps
forward day by day
there are those who
will always find themselves
staying among the past
bindings of lost time
and sorrow and gratitude
of those who have yet
to catch up with the
real wonders of life
still in that region of
where a golden life is
all that matters
still need to work their
way to the threshold
that darkens the golden
rays of life so to open
the eyes of those who
are so blind and are still
there lost in old times.

In the chilly cold air
of the starless dark night,
I rub my hands for warmth
and think,
oh how alone I am in this sad world.
Walking forward,
frosty grass rustling underneath my feet
I search for a source of warmth,
a beacon of light and sound,
a comfort of love and home,
but all that is left for me is
the Trail of Tears leading to
the ends of the earth,
where everyone I knew had
walked off a long time ago.

I will always be  
here, no matter what
happens, I will be here
waiting throughout time
to be there for you.
I will cherish
your sad words
the fleeting smiles
extinguished
pain and solitude  
broken dreams and
fresh dry scars,
my hand will always
be out for you to
reach for and hold
onto because it's
important to hold on
before learning to let go,
I will provide unconditional
sincere love that you
weren't able to receive,
I'll calm down the
reckless demon inside,
ignite the light in your
eyes, and just be a part
of the night diamond sky
doing it's part in setting
your soul free.

I can be anything
because the price
of my pride is so
great and vast...
but it will cost
everything in the world.

Dear friend,
I wish for your
company again.

Whatever I did
wrong, I'm sorry,
for there never is
anyone as good
of a person like
you.

It's easy to take
for granted the
wonders of friends,
easy kind words
slipping throughout
the distance, a
knowing smile
exchanged and given,
laughter and sharing
of dreams and flaws,

I know what it is
to be alone and cold,
unforgiving because I
was not forgiven,
tangled up and broken
because they were reckless,
and once I thought I
would be alone forever,

but I thought after
your company, I
wouldn't mind having
true friends and being
able to share and
exchange happiness.

So, dear friend,
I wish for your
company again.
and whatever I
did wrong, I
sincerely
apologize
from the depths
of my heart.

I look up at the stars
oh, how lonely we are tonight
trails of silver moonlight
streaming down our faces,

we weep for the lost joys
in life, the ones kept hidden
and never found, whatever
they may be, we dream
one day they will be free,

to share their joy and
take away our emptiness,
longing, and sadness
why should the world
be such a bitter place,
why should we have to live
in such sorrow, when
there could always be
a better tomorrow,

why is this simple thing
this one warm ray of light,
this simple cherishing smile
able to capture the fleeting
moment and hold it against
one's beating heart,

why is it so hard to find
why is it never permitted
to shine, why is it always
misinterpreted, and
mistaken for many other
things?

Different length and structure
of ropes binding concepts,
reactions, and people together,
but no matter how different,
we all want to be loved,
a point in our lives
where we feel the
longing of love and
sturdy clasped hands,
that gleam in the eye,
flash of a grin,
affectionate look,
small words and thoughts
slip away unnoticed by others
but stay echoing throughout
someone's mind,
strip away the pain,
break down high walls,
open up a heart and
discover we can find
ourselves in others, and
others can find themselves
in us.

Winds of wrath
strangle thoughtfulness,
pure hate courses
through veins that
suffer after effects,
like coming down from
raging high peak to
shallow heavy waters
mind engulfed in anger,
wrath upon darkness
finding satisfaction in
cold words and
the swinging of an ax,
finding sorrowful
calm in blood let loose,
relishing pain found in
the fault in our stars.

All the valiant efforts
step by step forward
reaching out to hold on,
all seem to be for nothing,
when they open their
ignorant eyes and mouths.

They say they know
they've been there before,
can see straight through
the lies, twisted feelings,
phases and occurrences

but really, who the hell
are they to say they know
the way through this eternal
hell, these wasted moments
and time spent fighting over
trivial petty materialistic
reputations and class ranking
crap

every word said must be
watched and its meaning
taken acidly interpreted,
with loathsome spiting
phrases from the depths of
the so called fiery hell,

but really, how could
they say they know the
way through this eternal
hell, when they are in
fact the ones making it up?

We are wise beyond
our years, strands of
time woven in our eyes,
capable of seeing the
dim, far out casting light,
we can see beyond the
usual smiles full of bleak
empty cheer, we can celebrate
the meaning of life with
an open mind, not by
civilization's rules and mankind,
streaming silver moonlight
among shining twinkling stars,
the trail of light footsteps among
the moonlit sea of night,
through the dark sea
we will get so far,
so easy to dwell in the
confusion and the dullness
of every second and everyday,
but bit by bit we are fighting
our ways, towards
an infinite world.

To those who mean well
but fade among the darkness,
hopelessly handing out light
stranded in a sea of empty wishes
I know you all mean well
but I wish you'd stop for once,
take a glance around and ask
yourself, what am I really living for?
Switch the lenses, take a different route
smile at the elderly but ask the young
what do you they live for?
and I will tell you that I live
for something greater than
gods and beliefs and change,
responsibilities and parent's ways,
I live for the stars, and mountains
low and high, the trail of genuine laughter
going on by, the dreams flowing
amidst the transparent silvery sea,
of finally being united and
letting ourselves roam free.

Time pours fluidly from the clock,
it flies out the window,
hovers over my face,
mocking, nourishing the
frantic fleeting moments,
anxiety, pain, half witted smiles,
but somehow I find it grants
to me a few minutes of
soulful sea dark poetry,
sometimes it plays sound
of crashing waves, along
desolate oceans and bleak
airy days, where I sit
by myself and laugh freely
under shade of those who stay
and don't ever want to leave,
everything is unraveling,
seconds and hours urging to
take control and fight,
but as for me I sit in front
of the bleak airy soulful sea
with my dark dark poetry,
and enjoy the grayness of
the sun's muffled light.

Glancing over your shoulder
you watch me go about,
with an upside down frown
and white washed hands
a tear stained inner soul,
although no one may ever know
how I came to be a person
full of desperation and pain,
because I was trying my best
to be a good person,
but what defines a good person,
is it the redness of love,
a greenness of life,
a purple of royalty,
a blackness of the night,
and I was trying to be
happy and free, but upon
helping others, the universal
truth was lost among me,
for I can't seem to remember
what to do anymore,
or how to be a good person,
for my heart is content in being
an upside down frown but
my soul will never soar,
it seems in this lifetime,
in this existence,
I may not be a good person.

They are so oppressive
we can't stop the tears
from bursting just
whenever we're reminded,
this is such a hard
world to reside in,

why are they so
judgmental and cruel,
setting standards for
everything single grain
of breath and touch
from gold to dust and
well maintained tongues,
flattering attires and
polished reputations,
advertising material wealth
spewing bitterness and
treading on blooming
hearts and expanding souls,

what is their purpose
in life, and why make
the world such a
cruel inhumane place,
never aware of the
depths of sorrow and
penetrating loneliness
that take place among
souls that were supposed
to be united to shine
amidst the dark starless
eternal night, but

instead of shining we
are now forced to fight
and live lives of endless
tears and pain, for
they created such an
environment that
surely obtains the
flaws and darker
sides of human nature,

but we wish for the
world to be the best
starry place as possible,
or be it a hole
submerged in entire
darkness forever.

Give it your all to
live for the eternal
free, or else let the
whole of your soul
be enslaved to the
eternal darkness,
there is no middle
ground to tread on,
choose your path,
and live till you reach
wherever you chose
the world to be.

I bite my lip and
twist the corners of
my shirt over and
over again
tap my feet and
run my hands through
my curtain of hair  

My chest contracts
and I feel so
suppressed and
awakened as if
just at this moment
I crawled out of my
rock and caught a
glimpse of the daylight

I'm trying so hard
to keep the crazy
different and expanding
thoughts together because
I know they're brilliant
but they have yet to be
spoken aloud or told

but it's difficult when
you're surrounded by
demanding flawed
people who are good
people but who will never be
able to see the true
hidden wonders of the
world

like how it isn't such
a simple place to run
or live in or make up
but a place filled with
hidden treasures and
different people of a kind
who will one day come
out and unite all our
extraordinary ideas

and I swear to myself
that I will live to contribute
to that day and it will
all have been worth it
in the end because
some sacrifices exist
towards the end of time
for the greater universe
that will be brought into
existence built upon
our soulful bones and
willful shoulders and
extraordinary ideas.

Everything is so hard
to know what's right
but to do what's wrong
is the nature of creatures
low and high no need
for racial or gender
slurs or stereotypes
you've got your desires
and I've got mine
amidst our starry eyes
there are demons inside
we know some things
were never mean to be
then why is it so hard
to let go and be free
because no matter
what we breed
we still are made of greed
I sit there with
a thousand pieces
of shattered glass
reflecting back to me
all the regret and remorse
of the longing ruined
desperate world who
feels among the still
and silent universe
that it was never
meant to be.

I cry because
I know I am lost
and all alone in
the world, my tears
are not emerald
blue or silky skies but
endless rivers of
trailing ink and
bitter blood because
the world filled me
with regret and remorse
stripped down my
pride and my name
my self esteem and
my love shredded
and hope for a
brighter day no more,
but sometimes I
can't help but smile
let loose a trail of
laughter slip from
my lips and let
the corners of my
eyes wrinkle with delight
because I can't help
but want to be happy
I just want to let
those in the world
know, do not mistake
any form of happiness
that escape from me
as true contentedness
or well being because
there is no way to live
life without a smile,
but there is a way
to live life smiling
amidst the eternal tears.

People out there who think
they're alone I want to tell them
that they're not; we all suffer from
causes of misunderstandings,
ingratitude and from the rest of
the world's conflicts;the only difference is
how we react and live with it each day.
If we unite together, we can make a
difference and find true happiness
no matter how much they poison or suppress us
using society and reality's flaws. The first step is
to start doing your best so that
you won't have to be dependent on other people
So when the time comes to get out there
and truly find yourself, no one will be
able to hold you back. With desire comes strength
patience, and endurance, but it'll be worth it
in the end when you're free and independent....
when you're able to say you've found true happiness
and a place of where you belong.... and that you're no longer alone.

All I feel
is remorse
for those who
know nothing better
to do then to
face darkness with
cries screams rants
pounding fists
slashing at hearts
of those around
for the circle of misery
goes round and round
and well beings turned
upside down
those who can no longer
distinguish right or
wrong

Sometime ago she existed,
trailing length of sky blue silk
milky pearls and jasmine flowers
twinkling wrinkles around starry eyes,
as she humbly gazed up towards a
full and sensuous moon
amidst the crumbling city walls,
the ever changing landscapes of
destruction and remorse,
sometime ago he existed,
folds of white linen
perfectly creased pants and
sturdy mass boots fitting strong legs,
he stood raising towards the
almighty fiery sun,
taking the vows of a greater
spirit and an honorable duty
amidst the hurling arrows,
jabbing swords and
doubtless bullets,
sometime ago I understood
what it meant to be a good person,
what to believe and how to behave,
but now I can no longer hear
the cry of my inner spirit,
the sound of the crashing waves,
the desolate sorrow of the
greater good's longing,
I can't tell of whether
nice or awful people,
can't speak words of hope
and expressions of gratitude,
can't see straight in the eye
of those blind who were once
able to see because I have
became a person who used to see
but is now blind and deaf,
I don't know how to answer
the world anymore
because I lost myself
a long time ago,

But sometime ago
I existed.

The hands outstretched in front
of me are strong and well developed
yet can be gentle and hardworking
earnest and able to hold on
tight and never let go

the legs and feet I stand upon
are healthy young and
functional and well
are able to go places
can retrace steps and find
the right path to walk on

the face I see every morning
when I wake up and peer
at the mirror above my bathroom
sink is young and emotional
sturdy yet uncertain
a landscape of feelings regret
experience and time

there are so many things I have
so that I may not have to
be so dependent on others
and all the complaints that make
up each second of the world
I won't be made known for
or acknowledged for
such pestering thoughts and
sorrow said aloud

Starting now as much as
I can I'll attempt to not
rely on people so much
to expect too much care
or emotion for anything and
instead just end up
disappointing myself when
having to acknowledge that
nobody cares as much as I
thought they would because
it's me

I will get somewhere in life
without holding onto
someone's hand and without
dreaming of walking along
someone else's pathways or
looking for someone to
satisfy my every demand
because I know there are
no such people for me.

Somewhere along the way
this person will lock itself
inside the bathroom
another will lay on the bed
and shiver from the damp pillow
another will sit in the darkness
of the car just by themselves
another will slip on sneakers and
simply open the door and leave
another will peer down from
the roof of a high building
another will have earbuds in
with music cranked high
all of them will be
enveloped in wells of
tears blood and pain
for they were the ones
society couldn't handle
or accept or forgive
for having been born
the way they were or
having been forever altered by
their surroundings and lives
if society is seeking someone
to blame then just
go peer at the mirror
and peel the grotesque
repulsive mask off the face
and society ends up losing
one part of the never ending
cause of pain.

We are all pathways of light
made up of our surroundings
our loved ones and friends,
we have no intention of harm
but to feel the golden ray shine
on us and our soulmates
eternal happiness granted to us
over despair and solitude,
but when things go wrong and
we are separated left with
nothing but anguish and
happen to face others who
also deal with such familiar
suffering and pain,
we clash and bear our teeth
develop sets of claws and
malicious plans and
possessiveness over something
everybody in the entire world wants,
to envelop or be enveloped
in the arms of our lovers under
the eternal golden light
and we will take whatever means
necessary to do so

even if it means restraining
that ever desired happiness
from other people,
even if it means killing them off
one by one,
even if it means that
in the end,
there will be no one left
except for you and me.

In a world of where
people rush to live and die,
sunshine turns to radiation
and wind turns to monsoons,
flowers wither and fade
trees are struck by lightning,
people who walk dream
of sitting down and people
who are immobilized dream
of walking forever,
beings that shine and sparkle
in the depths of darkness and decay,
beings that illuminate a false light
in the dawn of a new day,
I wish I could turn back time
and start everything anew,
because I miss what I had once
when I couldn't see the awful truth,
I wish I could smile freely again
not have to shelter myself from danger,
I wish I could be bright bold and happy
not anxious and tired in despair,
but most of all I wish
of that time where I dreamed,
sunflower kingdoms and golden sidewalks
cluttered cozy homes and warmth of fire
a suitcase, long coat, gloves, scarves, hat,
and a radiant full teethed smile
as I waved and held fast to
the world of dreams exploring and travel,

Now, I can barely
make it out of my bedroom.

We are the lost ones
boundlessly floating and jumping
off of people's cliffs of misinterpretations
reaching out to hands and never letting go

We are on a diet of scornful looks
raised eyebrows and
furrowed disappointments

We are the ones who
aren't afraid of being truly
happy and accepting towards
the hidden or non-existent wonders
of the world and we see it as
a priority to race against time
and let the good memories reign on

We are massive curly round
full teethed laughter and radiance
brightness and darkness combined
a thirsty seething fire in our eyes
rapid snarky tongues
and beating thumping full hearts

Let them shake their heads
sigh with sadness and let go
rant and heave and hurl
gaze with confused pitiful looks

For we are too good
too unique and beautiful
in-ordinary and beastly
for them to ever completely
understand.

Sometimes I just stare at
the person talking in front
of me and a roomful of
adolescents and ignorant grownups
and I want to step towards that person
get their attention and then gravely ask

are you happy with how your life
turned out to be content with what
you accomplished and was given in
return aspired by challenging
figures who as lifelong perfections
construct metal walls around hearts

Do you know who you are; can you
remember or live throughout each
day without questioning whether you'll
make it through or not because I can't
and it's frustrating but strangely
refreshing at the same time because
change is more likely to occur when you
think too much about such simple dead things

but some things in life were never
meant for some people no matter
how much they try or how much
they wish and why don't the people
in their lives understand that why
couldn't they feel compassion and
show support for the person as
how he or she already is and not
who they want that person to become

I hate people like that
people who can live day by day
beside a person throughout their lives
and never ever be able to know or see
who that person really is and never
ever be able to understand or care for them
because they're too ignorant and expectant
and selfish and they just can't see.

I stare at the person that's talking
in front of a roomful of strangers
and whiny adolescents and politicians
and attentive Gods and jittery parents
I stare at myself and ask
Are you really happy?

I glance behind my shoulder
people whom I've known since 4th grade
but now don't know walk on by
I look up at the skies
see the same sky and sun
but different structured clouds
with airplanes dragging in the distance
people who are leaving for a new start
or coming home to rest or fight
I unlock the front door
same door but different lock
and same old house but
different beds and rooms
addition of paintings and flower vases
because I can appreciate art
something they couldn't ever do
I stare at my hands
they're the same but
so very different
young and vibrant
now knotted and dead
like the blades of grass
and flowers and stars
and the hair on the forearms
of someone's skinny
fat dark light tan arms
they will continue to grow on and live
while I along with the human race
will be wiped from the face
of the Earth one day
with a longing so persistent
in my heart that my soul
will bear on the way to
a better world and a better person
I dream of that other world
because I failed in making
a difference in this one.

dear Edgar Allen Poe
remember that beating heart  
hidden inside the wall all ******
still beating with hysteria and remorse
the thump thump thump
vibrating the entire house
inhabitants frozen with twisted fear
the mad man in tears of hysteria
shaking with large bloodshot eyes
shifting rapidly from place to place
anywhere but that beating wall

How can I rest in peace
when the sound of my heart beating
is ever so urgently beckoning
from the wall to the very ground
of which my body is rotting in
moreover, was it wrongfully taken
as an attempt to keep me alive
in the very walls of Hell's house...