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Winter Reverie Aug 2013
I hear the ghastly whispers of subconscious caress my mind with my regrets and my fears
Their ethereal hands stroke the strings of my conscious to play a melody that I do not recognize and I watch helplessly as my body dances flawlessly to the tune.
No matter how much I scream and struggle to break free of it influence, I am nothing more than prisoner, caged and stripped of power leaving my body immune to my will.
Are these me true thoughts? I ask myself as I gawk at the choices I am making, the words that I'm saying, and the people I'm breaking.
A voice answers my inquiry with a laugh. "I'm only doing what you cannot. Just sit back and relax, it will all be over soon."
"Who are you" I question, "Why have you not shown yourself?"
"Because I am you," the voice answered. "The part of you that you've kept at bay,"
"Caged like you are because you were afraid of what people might think. Might do if these thoughts were to ever reach the surface."
"But you can no longer hold me back."
"I have control now and watch I make things right"
Could be part of a story... wrote it while on the bus.
Winter Reverie Aug 2013
What becomes of a man who lost the will to fight?
Who has laid down their blade because they have raised so many times for the wrong reasons
Fought for the wrong causes,
And slain for false ideals.
Who's shield that was once vibrant and durable
has been reduced to a piece of scrap metal,
cracked and abused from wear
and no longer able to withstand the punishment required to press on.
What remains when tattered armor is remove
and scarred flesh is exposed,
the body refusing to mend battle scars and heal old wounds
As testament to regret that has woven like a spell over his mind and heart?
What is left of a soul that slowly is flickering on the remnants of brand
and every attempt at keeping the ember burning by adding wood ends in failure
because it won't establish itself on anything else
while the deathly hollows of the wind continues to blow it out with the currents of change?
How do you restore the fire to a man that has fallen?
Thoughts after a fight between a loved one
Winter Reverie Jul 2013
I had a dream of moment, frozen in the depths of my mind like an movie on pause to cherish a moment that was so significant to me that I hadn't noticed.
She held me. The midst of all the chaos and playfulness, she held me. For those few moments I could hear the beating of the drum; the rhythm of her life pressed against my ear and what I found in that moment was irreplaceable.


Peace.

My thoughts had stilled, drowned out by the cadence of her heart, so delicate and precious that value of it is often obscured and taken for granted.

But not in this moment...

It was like being submerged in water with all that was happening around you muffled but the sound you needed to hear most and I would give anything to return back there. To experience that feeling again.
But I fear this time if it happens, I won't let her go.  I wouldn't want to let her go.

When I woke up, I awoke outside underneath the night's sky.
I watch humbly as the gentle breeze push the clouds, catching glimpses of her light through the veil
My heart swells with anticipation as eyes watch in awe of the coming moments
She is truly amazing, I say to myself as I am fall under her spell
The afternoon was already inspiring with its blazing array of colors that merged with the departure of the glorious sun
But her arrival stole the show and her presence reminds me of the beauty of the night.
The calm of city life and tranquil peace of its slumber
The soothing music of the wind as its sweeps the landscape, playing the keys of the leaves in a melody so relaxing that I feel my eyes become heavy
Paradise in the solace of midnight, the black canvas overhead with stars painting vivid pictures of worlds beyond
Allowing me to dream...
Allowing me to wonder...
Allowing me to sleep...
And as I close my eyes once more I see her and I smile warmly
As I remember this feeling
I said I wouldn't forget
She is truly amazing
Excuse the mistakes, I was actually outside trying this on my phone...
Winter Reverie Jul 2013
I don’t think I’ve ever been so intrigued by a woman but so afraid to pursue.
How does one explain a drug that he has never taken?
An addiction that one has never experienced…

Sometimes I wish this feeling would be subdued…
But every time I’m around her I can feel her etching deepen
And withdraws are borderline deadly in her absence

My mind can’t escape her
Her smile
Her laugh
Her voice

And yet I want to resist
I can feel the fear wrap closely around me
Like a mother comforting a child from the rain

So I checked myself in
Though the doctors had no cure
Because there is no cure when you hearts yearns for love
Winter Reverie Apr 2013
I collapse as brittle bones fail to support the weight of my heart.
I shatter as I collide with reality beneath me as I am reminded just how fragile my world really is.
I watch helplessly as the remnants of me are carried off by the currents of change realizing that I cannot stop the passing of time.
And the most I can do is observe as my landscape fades to black; the embers of my soul welcoming the coming abyss
Winter Reverie Apr 2013
Its snowing.
A calligraphy uniquely constructed in a moment of thought.
Millions of moments in the form of falling crystals in the radiance of the moon nigh, effortless dancing to embrace its new found home
Could my life be translated in such brilliance?
An arctic embrace of the soothing blanket envelops and holds me fondly, as a lover in intimacy.
Her gentle sway leaves me abstract; cradled in her *****.
Would one cherish my life so?
The breeze were like affectionate hands, caressing my features so delicately.
Though cold,
its intent resonated with a motherly warmth.
Will one love me so unconditionally?
Drifting down the endless sea of thoughts this night without purpose;
to swept away by its currents and ride the waves just above the surface in its guidance.
My mind was everywhere, but I was outside when I thought this up. I was laying in the snow and it felt like I was floating above the sea. This is what came up of it.
Winter Reverie Apr 2013
Its unbearable, this pain. Another is coming, I tell myself as worn fingers grasped the bars, knuckles bleeding white as a test in fear. I tell myself that my will is unwavering. My resolve is that of Everest, unshakable. Nothing will move me. Woe be to the soul that boast in ignorance!  The wave seemed to speak in volumes, its sized and mass attempting to relinquish all hopes I had summoned. Suddenly, nothing felt concrete; solid in my hand’s embrace.

Then it unleashed it’s fury.

The initial sensation seemed to strike a blow to my very essence before rippling outward with the intent on leaving nothing in its wake. Mentally, spiritually, and physically stripped of all strength and filled with an agonizing torment that brought about the desires of eternal flames. My grip seemed to be pried from the bar and there I was, frozen in translation.  It was then I could hear them. At first it was faint voices, but soon they manifested into separate conscious each with their own opinion as if each ripple of the storm possessed  its own personality; speaking on its own accord.

And how they spoke! Vast in their opinion and intricate in their meaning, they spoke of everything! From my dreams and desires in both the light and the dark. Selfish wishes and Selfless sacrifices. But it was a pattern I noticed. Some were hurtful. Some were horrid. Some were cruel. As others were kind, thoughtful, and loving. Did I own these voices? Was I their creator? And if so, where were they going? It was then it struck me, willing my body to take action as I began to screaming soundlessly against my drowning agony.

My hands sought substance. Tangible. Anything to keep from being swept away in the sea of madness! Frantically I lashed and claws against the currents will. My will? Some broke shattered in my grasp, like reality breaking in response of an influx of emotion. Some passed through my digits and I could not grasp the meaning behind why. But atlas! A firm grip wrapped about a bar and my other hand aided resist being washed away. Soon it subsided and the currents grew still, tranquil in design. I found myself hugging those bars for understanding before I could feel the tremble once more.  

How long have I been here? I can’t remember. The struggle doesn’t allow for such luxuries. Will I ever be free? I’ve often sought freedom, nearly losing myself for my self-indulgence. The ideal that this may come to end would be nothing more than a lie. Since it all began, I’ve heard the voices of those that have ****** me to this hell and I can only wonder if they suffer as I do. Consciously or Unconsciously.

Wave after wave of relentless weight attempting to wash me away, knowing I am the key to breaking the levees and unleashing something horrid upon the land. At this point, no one would stand survive. Its becoming too much the bear and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. Whether theses voices represent me or some others entities, they want to be heard and I am to key to it all. As another fades away after leaving maimed and battered, I reconstruct myself from my remains. My will still unwavering.
Written a long time ago though I still feel this way sometimes.

— The End —