Its unbearable, this pain. Another is coming, I tell myself as worn fingers grasped the bars, knuckles bleeding white as a test in fear. I tell myself that my will is unwavering. My resolve is that of Everest, unshakable. Nothing will move me. Woe be to the soul that boast in ignorance! The wave seemed to speak in volumes, its sized and mass attempting to relinquish all hopes I had summoned. Suddenly, nothing felt concrete; solid in my hand’s embrace.
Then it unleashed it’s fury.
The initial sensation seemed to strike a blow to my very essence before rippling outward with the intent on leaving nothing in its wake. Mentally, spiritually, and physically stripped of all strength and filled with an agonizing torment that brought about the desires of eternal flames. My grip seemed to be pried from the bar and there I was, frozen in translation. It was then I could hear them. At first it was faint voices, but soon they manifested into separate conscious each with their own opinion as if each ripple of the storm possessed its own personality; speaking on its own accord.
And how they spoke! Vast in their opinion and intricate in their meaning, they spoke of everything! From my dreams and desires in both the light and the dark. Selfish wishes and Selfless sacrifices. But it was a pattern I noticed. Some were hurtful. Some were horrid. Some were cruel. As others were kind, thoughtful, and loving. Did I own these voices? Was I their creator? And if so, where were they going? It was then it struck me, willing my body to take action as I began to screaming soundlessly against my drowning agony.
My hands sought substance. Tangible. Anything to keep from being swept away in the sea of madness! Frantically I lashed and claws against the currents will. My will? Some broke shattered in my grasp, like reality breaking in response of an influx of emotion. Some passed through my digits and I could not grasp the meaning behind why. But atlas! A firm grip wrapped about a bar and my other hand aided resist being washed away. Soon it subsided and the currents grew still, tranquil in design. I found myself hugging those bars for understanding before I could feel the tremble once more.
How long have I been here? I can’t remember. The struggle doesn’t allow for such luxuries. Will I ever be free? I’ve often sought freedom, nearly losing myself for my self-indulgence. The ideal that this may come to end would be nothing more than a lie. Since it all began, I’ve heard the voices of those that have ****** me to this hell and I can only wonder if they suffer as I do. Consciously or Unconsciously.
Wave after wave of relentless weight attempting to wash me away, knowing I am the key to breaking the levees and unleashing something horrid upon the land. At this point, no one would stand survive. Its becoming too much the bear and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. Whether theses voices represent me or some others entities, they want to be heard and I am to key to it all. As another fades away after leaving maimed and battered, I reconstruct myself from my remains. My will still unwavering.
Written a long time ago though I still feel this way sometimes.