its impossible to write about missing you
when i try search for the right words
all i find is a vast ache that swells
right underneath my solar plexus
as if someone had taken sorrow
and poured it into my soul

wells form between my eyelashes
you looked terribly ill when i saw you last
along with the leaves you withered to the floor
the colour drained from your radiant eyes
your skin pale and lifeless

my nana gave me hopeful words
"stay strong and she will too"
but you didn't stay strong, did you?
and did she? of course not
she tore every inch of herself apart
oceans spilled from her eyes
creating a puddle on the floor
which she drowned herself in

im not angry; im just upset

today, my wounds began bleeding again
they oozed out unspoken words,
nights of sleepless tears and
102 drafted texts that were never sent
the clots of pain and fears spilled out from
my emotional wound that i subconsciously scratched, blood running down my arm and onto the floor
but others can’t see heartache
i cover up tiredness with pills and fake smiles
i’ve been too good at hiding from myself
i have it down to an art and the invisible blood leaves myself like a river desperate for the sea