don't act like your sorry
like you don't know what your doing
like I have the same amount of blame
and yet I do
I kept letting you talk
your words like a spell
the longer I listen
the less I can focus
and it's like a lure
and before I know it
I'm trapped
you give me that innocent look
like you didn't know
like its a coincidence we don't talk until late
and you know when I'm getting tired
when I'm paying attention less
I try to concentrate
but I find I'm losing my way
longer and longer
the more I don't want to say no
the more I con't keep it up
like if just for a second I could trust you
let you in
No! I have to catch myself
your the predator
luring in your prey
but soon
I won't stop
I'll walk to close to the edge
and it'll look so easy
you look so sweet
I just want to let go
and you know all my short cuts
how long can I hold out
when you always know
what to say
when to say it
how to say it
and all I know is it'd be so easy
and this is so hard
and maybe you have changed...

Do you dream that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name
Do you care about all the little things
or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside
I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive

Don't tell me if I'm dying
'Cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know
Never leaves too soon

Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that every day's the first
Of the rest of your life?

Don't tell me if I'm dying
'Cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun
Maybe I should go
Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know
Never leaves too soon.

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us
To all of us

Don't tell me if I'm dying
'Cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun
Maybe I should go
Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know never leaves too soon

You can tell me all your thoughts
About the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to
When no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends
'Cause I just don't wanna know
No I don't wanna know

Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying

I’ll be waiting for you
on the dock
as the day breaks
again and again
I will know you as the sea
that pushes the sand
between my toes
I will know you
as the smell of brine
and the sea will swallow me whole
because that is where Id rather be
at the bottom
with you

I rather brave the storms
rowing my oars
than face the thunder that pounds
in my chest
whenever those cold thoughts
rise in me as the tide
every day with the sun and night with the moon
those memories of your smile
pushing through and through and through
as waves crest on the fingers of the sun
pull my eyes to the horizon
I will row to the bottom for you
I will take the plunge into the cold depths
of your salty heart
so that I may lay your smile to rest
at the bottom
with you

i’ve spent the last
six months of my life
dying to die
with no results.
and in that time i’ve
been walking
on a sidewalk that
is crooked and cracked
into some godforsaken
place. through my journeys
i’ve come to rely
on two certainties:
that i will go to bed
unsatisfied and hungry.

and every night is
a rainy one and cats eat
the fur and bones of dogs dead
in the flooded gutters. the grey
monoliths of the city
are always a step away, but
i don’t get any closer.

and if i could give back
all the cigarette ash and whiskey
i’ve drank i’d do it because
i’d be losing blank meaningless
memories, or at least
they mean nothing to me. i can’t
say the same about
those people in the memories.

and i passed the corner
where i sat drunk on the brick
with my friend, smoking
a cigarette and i remember
telling him that it was
going to be alright. i don’t
know if i was lying or if
i didn’t know the truth
but he left.

and i walked by the home
of my first love and the windows
were dark and the cars were
gone from the driveway.

and i found myself in front
of the house of the girl
i loved who didn’t love me
and the air was black, save
for the glare of a lighter through
the rain and i remembered
a dream i had.

My love wasnt good enough
and yours was nothing but a bluff
I gave my all just to be snuffed
by hands I gave my heart and trust
To think that it was only lust
leaves me in a state of disgust
Wasted time I cant retract
to repair what I have lacked
Determining fiction from fact
in a past I can not have back
How silly of me to believe
and not see that I was deceived
Although it comes as a relief
that Im free from this fallacy
I wanted so much more from her
than just yet another number
No longer will I be concerned
with waiting for another turn
I hope one day you feel the burn
of giving such without return

I did this on purpose
and you have failed the test
because you chose to walk away
instead of try your best

I did this on purpose
and you proved tried and true
to the colors I ignored
I finally see you.

A brand new lock
in my hand the key
No longer home
just leave me be
The lights are off
this abode looks empty

Am I a prisoner or am I free?

Picked up the welcome mat
barred the doors
got a guard dog waiting
on the living room floor
No soliciting sign
for those peddling ******

opportunity wont be knocking
for you anymore.

Maybe an abusive relationship
is better than none at all
I never raised my hand to a woman
but I have cut them off at the knees
with my words
I suppose maybe I have been
emotionally abusive
but its only to express the feelings
I was forced to hide
for the sake of them
Either way
those words
are all that are left to haunt me
because when the fight leaves you
you realize
at least you were fighting for love
and love is better than anything else fought over

but  now. . . .those are demons I wish to no longer awaken
even for the sake of escaping loneliness.

If that makes me a better man,
I sometimes wish I could unknowingly return to the worse one.

Nothing lost
nothing gained
everything remains the same

plain and simple
simply plain
still I play the same old game

Overtly numb
surpassing pain
wishing just to feel again

I try in vain
to make it wane
inflaming all which I maintain

Seeking release
searching for peace
from this savage masochistic beast