I stand
On the shore
Of my mind.
I watch the
Ocean of
Memories
Ebb and flow,
And I
Sigh.
Because although
The shore is
Present
And
Safe
The sea of
My past
Seems much more
Appealing.

The walls
Are
Talking to me.
I sit
And stare
At the chipped
White paint
And listen to
Them remind me
Of better days.
The walls
Are
Screaming at me.
And I want
To yell back.
But what would
It accomplish?

Today I felt
Like destroying
Something beautiful.
So I broke
Your heart.
I watched it
Crumble.
It broke first in
Your eyes.
The enchanting light
That was there
Every day
Disappeared
Like a  
Light bulb
Burning out.
Then it broke
In your lips.
The radiant smile
That could warm
A room
Turned to a
Heartsick pout.
Then it broke
In your chest.
The glow
That is always
Around you
Seemed to fade,
Until nothing
Was left.
Then it broke
In your legs.
And I
Watched as  
As you started
To tremble
And
You fell to
Your knees.
Then it broke
In your heart.
You were
No longer
Vibrant colours,
You changed
To grays, whites and blacks
Today I felt
Like destroying
Something beautiful.
So I broke
Your heart.

I sit and I watch you,
and I can’t help but wonder
what will break us.
And I realize this isn’t what
you should do when you
think you’re in love,
but I can’t help myself.
And I listen
as you talk and laugh.
And your kind words, though
they may be truthful, seem like
a dishonest attempt to get me to
show feelings that I don’t know if I have.
Feelings I don’t understand because
heartbreak has been romanticized
and love has been made into a fairy tale.
So while you talk about our future
the only thing crossing my mind
is every moment that could go wrong,
because everything can go wrong.
Your words fall onto the breakfast table
while I sip my coffee and smile and nod
at the appropriate moments.
And your words fall to the floor
and become the dust under our feet
as we move around the room,
dancing around the questions
we don’t know how to answer.
I can see you watching me,
trying to figure out my mind.
You can’t see me watching you
out of the corner of my eye.
And I know my eyes must look nervous
because I’ve spent so long wondering how we will
break, and I realize now that that is what will break us.
And even though this really isn’t what you should do
when you think you’re in love,
I can’t help myself.