now it feels like you only ever stayed to comfort me
and while you're out on a friday night
my tears slip into a equally sad cup of tea

self esteem low to none
got me thinking it's all me
but the problem's yours and you're the only one

turns out i was wrong though
the random girl i figured you were with turned out to be the worst ***

so now for the last few days
i've felt like an absolute *******
you forgot me already anyway

what's another piece missing
from my already broken heart
at this point it's just a loss
not even worth mentioning
sabotage of what could've been perfect
I'm so used to this feeling
of constant worthlessness
every effort is useless in the end
the appreciation never really lasts
the kisses' and touches'
deeper meanings now seem so shallow
it's like it all only mattered to me
I don't care about the confusion
in my heart anymore
I've shut out the way that it feels
and the ones who perpetrated
and I will continue to do so
because it's all that I know
protecting and trusting myself
is all that is left for me to do

I'm feeling numb.
I forgot...
what is love?
a vague memory.
something of the past.
a special gift
given too often,
now an unfulfilling experience
to take up time
and keep me interested
for just a little while.
but wait.
not boredom,
but sympathy
for those who need comfort.
a last ditch effort
to put this apparent evil
to good use.
burdened with the curse
of having turned cold.
romance:
dangerous thing to imitate.
the heart:
fragile entity to the touch.
some of us
will never again know love.

synthesized
you don't realize
what's on the outside
contradicts the inside
open your eyes
time to see how large the size
and that things are not alright
try as you might
you can't face the night
something's not right
you better recognize
the things you're trying to hide
can't stay unidentified
everyone's out here "stupefied"
pretending that they can't see the light
acting like hiding in the dark's alright
on old waves cruising and riding
but I'm ahead of the time
thoughts that'll get me suicide
things I say are unadvised
because I can't be held back by the lies
that kept me traumatized
that kept me up at night
it's not til you're way up high
that they say they love your style
and decide they're on your side
but I've already left them far behind
with the places in which I used to reside

something I always wanted to know how it felt
oblivious of the bliss I had without it
blind to the fact that I was already happier than I would ever be
lusting for a notion I had no concept of
wanting for the tale I'd been been told all my life
to be my own to tell
hungry to feel desire for another
and have it all reciprocated equally
because that's how I thought it worked
hopeful for the day it would come
anticipation was at an all time high
I didn't even know where to look
I expected it to just come looking for me
I was waiting for it to arrive like a dream
it was a freshly blown bubble
with otherworldly colors swirling around the circumference
in ethereal patterns
that burst when you broke my heart

******* in a paper bag
towel doubled as a rag
suitcase holding treasured randoms
and notebooks filled with cryptic tandems
very little ventilation
and an unclaimed mess that's hated
sacred corner on the desk
the rest a "collage:" a mess
mirror mirror on the wall
tells the truth, leaves me appalled
thin covering on the ground
worn where almost all is brown
hand-me-down pillow case smeared with liner
and the tears from last night's crier

***** demons
chandeliers dripping *****
lost ghostly figures with rogue
in their cheeks' hollows
black lips on pale faces
reward of something eternal
for the winner of the race
but she who loses is ******
she who does not succeed is banned
from colorful pleasantries
she tells herself are earthly
oh what she would give
for a shot and a sugary chaser
but the ghouls relentlessly chase her
do I accept that I will be running on hot coals forever
or do I curl up on them and simmer