I love and I hate

all of the people in this place.

They’re so full of contradictions

I just don’t think I can take.

If you ever need a hand

you know that they’ll do all they can

just as long as they don’t know

you’re not like them.

They will take you in,

treat you like a friend

though they’ve not known you before

and they’ll not see you again.

If you look deeper you will find

that beneath their kindness lies

violence and prejudice

that they don’t even try to hide.

Depending on your situation

you may find you loathe or admire them.

They do so many evil things

but with such good intentions.

They stand so  strongly against

anyone who’s different.

Yet if you fall within their group,

in them you can have confidence.

I just don’t know what to think

of these mixed emotions that they bring.

Should I consider them my friends?

or should I call them enemies?

It seems they have found a way

to somehow always stay

in a strange gray area

between my love and hate.

I was born in the wrong time.

I think that’s why I can’t find

my place in this world.

I really just don’t belong here,

that becomes more clear

to me all the time.

I should have lived in the 60’s

I would have fit in among hippies.

Now I think I’m the only one.

I should have lived in that time

when it was so easy to find

people with compassion.

Today there’s such violence and hate

and all these people I just can’t relate

to in any way at all.

If I could travel into the past

I think I’d find comfort at last

in those who understand me.

When people found meaning in life

they had causes for which they would fight.

Now people are so apathetic.

They loved each other back then.

I think how wonderful it must have been

to feel that connection.

Today everyone feels so alone.

We each face this life on our own,

and it’s just so sad to me.

I want to stand up for what’s right,

but there’s no one to stand by my side.

Why does no one care anymore?

I’ve decided that I want to

cover all of my scars with tattoos.

I’ve decided that from now on

I will make myself brand new,

remove the signs of pain and sadness,

and create a brand new point of view.

Though to all my scars I am quite grateful,

many times I think they’ve saved my life,

I’ve really no more need for them

and I’ve grown sick of trying to hide.

So I’m taking something ugly

that’s a source of insecurity for me

and I’m making something beautiful

that I’ll want everyone to see.

I am going to let my skin express to you

all the things I want to feel inside

and hope that will be a catalyst

to create change in my life.

Each and every time I see these scars

they remind me of old hurt.

If I am ever to heal my emotional wounds,

I’ll have to banish the physical ones first.

I am the inverse of a human being.

I’m not like anyone I’ve ever seen.

I only like the things that bring me pain.

I don’t know how I ended up this way.

Try to make me cry.

Try to make me bleed.

Try to make me suffer

maybe then you’ll see

only when I’m in pain

do I feel relief

from all of these demons

that have been haunting me.

You can keep all your encouragement

and any happy feelings you have sent.

I would rather hear from someone else

who feels the way I’ve always felt.

Give me sadness.

Give me sorrow.

Give me self-destruction

maybe then you’ll know

that all your hopeful words

will only serve to show

that I am out of place

everywhere I go.

So please don’t try to make me smile

or try to make me happy for a while.

Your cheerfulness just underscores

all of the things I’m longing for.

It seems destiny has

conspired against me

to make everything turn out wrong.

It seems all the good things

in life move to quickly

and the bad things always stay too long.

I just can’t understand

why nothing is easy,

why no decision can ever be clear.

And I can’t understand

why it is that I’m always

paralyzed by this deep-seated fear.

Each time I start to think

that my life’s on the right track

something happens that changes my mind.

Each thing that I feel

will at last make me happy

just makes me miserable time after time.

Why do some people

just know who they are

and what they want in life right from the start?

And why do some people

never seem to realize

what they truly desire in their hearts?

I want to find something

that will make me feel better

about who I am and what I have done.

I need to find something

that will help me discover

the person I want to become.

I feel there’s this force

that’s trying to stop me

from ever finding my true place.

It seems that in my

endless quest for fulfillment

I must be defying the fates.

There is no one who knows me

or has the slightest understanding

of anything that’s happening

inside my head.

I wish that I could find someone

who I could trust enough

to tell the honest story of

who I am.

But I don’t know if that can be.

I always search but never see

much of a possibility

that I’ll find that.

I need someone who I can trust

with all my fears and all my love,

who will make me feel that I’m enough

the way I am.

I look around me and I know

if I ever let the real me show

my loneliness could only grow.

They’ll never understand.

I mean really how could they?

We see the same world every day

but to them it will never look the way

it looks to me.

I have tried to be like them.

I’ve made an effort to fit in,

but I could not even begin

to feel at home,

among these people that I knew.

Though my affections for them grew

I could never let myself show through.

They never really knew me.

Though I considered them my friends

I’d have to leave them in the end

or be required to pretend

for all my life.

So I decided not to stay.

I chose to let them slip away.

I never knew just what to say,

so I just disappeared.

Now I fear that I will never find

this sweet fantasy of mine

someone who’ll help me leave all that behind,

so I'll  no longer be unknown.

Life’s all about evolution.

I know I’m not who I used to be.

I look at pictures from a few years ago

and I can’t believe that it’s me.

People are constantly changing.

No one ever stays the same

yet we try to fit people into different shaped holes

we think of it like it’s a game.

We seem to think it’s so important

to categorize everyone

saying “he’s one of these” and “she’s one of those”

and we’re left all alone when we’re done.

We should all learn from each other,

help each other become our true selves.

Instead of pretending that we’re all so different

let’s forget all the lies that we tell.

And when we get down to the bottom,

the real truth in it’s purest form,

we’ll find that we’re much more alike than we’re different.

There will be no need to fight anymore.

We’ll know the truth

that we’re all the same.

We’ll see that we

can’t carry on this way.

We’ll put an end

to all our past mistake.

A little understanding

is all that it will take.

Why’s it so hard to accept that

no matter what group they are in

people are people and we all have our faults?

We never know who we’ll be in the end.

So lets all let go of our bias,

give each other a chance to evolve.

Let’s forgive past mistakes and look to the future

and let our hate be drowned out by our love.