The three of us are now tied

together all our lives

by the ritual performed on that night.

Liquor and despair.

the blood that we shared

it seems insane when seen in daylight.

I’d been drinking 151

so my body was numb

as I took that blade in my grip.

And I couldn’t feel

the cold touch of the steel

or my blood as it started to drip.

By what were we compelled?

I just cannot tell.

I’m sure nothing like it will happen again.

It was a strange sort of madness

I don’t know what possessed us.

We haven’t dared to speak of it since then.

There was a time

I had a feeling I couldn’t stand.

I just wanted all of this to end.

Now I am indifferent.

So I guess that’s better.

Every time I’d see a bridge,

or a ledge,

or anything with a sharp edge,

it would pull me like a magnet.

Now that pull’s not so strong.

I convince myself that I was wrong,

but I know I’m still drawn

by that power.

I did my best to conceal

all the pain I would feel.

I’d tell myself it wasn’t real,

but I could not ignore it.

Today all that pain

it is not quite the same.

I know it still remains

but it’s not near as urgent.

I would always pretend

to my family and friends

that they could always depend

on my strength and stability.

And though now I still do

at least it’s slightly more true.

Now I think I’ll pull through,

one way or another.

Still I wonder sometimes

is it even right

to have to struggle and fight

just trying to be happy.

But I’ll try anyway

and I guess that’s okay

I will find out someday

if all my effort was worth it.

We’re sitting in a coffee house

looking back on days gone by.

When we talk about the past

I always laugh, and want to cry.

You say “It’s been fifteen years, did you know that?”

“since the day that we first met?”

I think back on all the times we’ve shared

that I know I’ll not forget.

Fifteen years? Can that be right?

Has it really been that long?

Can it be that after all this time

our connection is still strong?

All the other friends that I have had

have slowly slipped away.

You’re the only person that I know

who still makes me feel okay.

Many times over the years

we have briefly lost contact,

but the moment that we see each other

it all comes rushing back.

We talk as if we’ve never stopped

as if not a thing has changed.

I can almost see us as we were back then

we’re still just children, isn’t that strange?

Sometimes I wish we’d never grown

never learned the things we’ve learned.

Like what makes you happy is far less important

than how much money you can earn.

Like life is never like the movies,

things are never perfect in the end.

Like bad things happen to good people

even people who are your friends.

Sometimes I wish we’d never lost

that sweet innocence we had

back before we understood

that the world could be so sad.

But I’m so happy after all this time

that we can still be friends.

Because when I’m with you

it feels alright for me to just pretend

that nothing’s changed

we’re still just the same

and everything will be okay.

I feel I’m always waiting

but for what I do not know.

Just something to tell me what to do,

a sign to show me where to go.

I’m waiting for an epiphany,

a realization, an idea.

I’m waiting for an opportunity

a reason, an event,

anything from anywhere

to give me the courage to act,

so that finally I can walk away

without ever looking back.

Walk away from everything I know,

this life that’s always been the same,

move toward a life that’s better or worse

just any kind of change.

But I’ve been waiting for so long

I fear it’s all I know.

I don’t think the sign I’m waiting for

is ever going to show.

This waiting has become too much,

I just can’t stand it anymore.

I feel my life closing in around me,

I hear the lock turning in the door.

If I don’t do something quickly

I know that I’ll never get free,

and I will live like so many do,

a life of miserable mediocrity.

I have to act, to change, to move,

to leave it all behind.

I can’t keep waiting anymore.

I have to see if I can find

a way to make a better life

or at least some life that’s new.

I have to live on my own terms,

and see if I can make it through.

I have to make decisions.

I must stop trying to hide.

Even if I fail completely,

at least I can say I tried.

I’ve been standing here

at least a hundred years

and I could stand a hundred more

but now I hear all their machines

moving across the forest floor.

They’re coming to destroy this place,

everything I’ve ever known,

to take the lives of all the trees

and the beings who call them home.

Humanity can only see

from their own point of view.

They see no value in ancient forests.

They’d rather have something new.

I know that soon my end will come.

I know that soon I will be gone

and there will be a mall or parking lot

on the ground I stood upon.

And all the many animals

who’ve lived their whole lives in this place

will have to either flee or die.

That’s the choice they’ll have to make.

And all the plants of every kind

who’ve made this place so grand

will be cut down or bulldozed over

when the humans take this land.

Though they’ll stand in this place every day

they’ll never be aware

of all the beauty that existed,

of all the life that once was here.

No matter if they think we’re worthless

that we have no consciousness,

when a tree falls in the forest

the forest mourns his death.

I need to believe in something.

I need to feel that there’s something out there,

a force of some sort that guides us

out of the path of all our worst fears,

but religions all seem to be harmful

encouraging only hated and fear.

So I pray to unnamed powers

and hope that something out there can hear.

Please help me find the answer.

Please tell me what to do.

Will I ever find my place in life?

Will I ever know the truth?

I know what’s right and wrong for me.

I figured that out on my own.

I just need something to tell me

am I truly all alone?

Please tell me….

What is this life?

What is it for?

What am I here to do?

Is there any reason to it all?

Why should I bother pushing through?

Is there really any meaning

in this random chaotic world?

And if I keep trying hard enough,

will my prayers ever be heard?

I don’t believe in destiny.

I don’t believe in fate,

but sometimes it seems

that the way things happen

must be more than some mistake.

So what is it then?

How does this work?

Who decides what’s going to be?

Is there something out there guiding the world

or is this really up to me?

Ever present clouds

the darkest spring I can remember.

Mother Nature’s tears

falling down out of the heavens.

Storm clouds block out all the light

except the flashes of her rage

as she thinks about the suffering

we’re still inflicting to this day.

She weeps for the lives

of all her children who have died,

murdered for our tastes,

tortured for our vanity,

hunted down for our sick pleasure,

or left decaying on the highway.

She weeps for the evil

she has witnessed in humanity.

No love for one another.

No respect for our diversity.

Senseless wars just fought for profit

and only justified by artificial fear.

Unimaginable cruelty to innocent beings

screaming behind walls so we don’t have to hear.

We think our society has come so far.

We think that we’ve survived the storm.

But we’re still making all the same mistakes,

just in a slightly different form.

All the while she’s been trying to tell us

the only way that she knows how.

She’s been warning us to change our ways.

I fear it may be too late now,

But maybe if we hurry

we will find that there’s still time.

If we hear her pleas and make the change

perhaps she’ll clear the skies.