giving you space is so **** hard
when all I desire is to be held in your arms
and hear your voice whisper it's all going to be okay
you swore to me you cared
swore you'd always be here
babygirl,
I'm calling out, where are you now?
i'm shouting at the moon and hoping you hear me too
all because I know you're with her smoking a few joints as you both lay in your bed
the same bed you'd hold my hand in
kissing sweet words to me before sleep
those same words sneak directly off your tongue
into her memory that she will never hold as dearly as i hold mine of you
you are so precious to me and all I ever wanted was to be enough for you
but I will always be so grateful
to have kissed the same cigarette your lips so gracefully did
for that was the closest I ever dare got
to you being mine

I once tried to erase our memories
and found myself
cutting away at my skin
for the coldness without you
was unbearable
and I found my fist reentering the walls repeatedly  
trying to block out the image I saw
of us in the room together
I washed my sheets
and tossed and turned late at night
because my bed never felt the same without your presence
my chest caved in every waking morning
without you here
I honestly don't know how I'm still managing
or how my heart remains beating
without the blood your love supplied
my body is drained
and lungs will soon reach zero capacity
if I continue smoking the nicotine
my body craves
and I can never inhale enough toxic
to forget the memories
you wrote within me
but the first time I tried
did not stop me from trying again
so here I am
with cut up skin and ****** knuckles
lying cold in the sheets
with a broken heart that's barely holding on
and filling my lungs with a poison
heartache taught me to love
for I can not forget

It's midnight and my hands are tracing the necklace you gave to me on my 9th birthday.
Kind of like the way I would trace the tattoo on your left shoulder and ask you why my colored markers never stayed.
I know it's been 6 years but everyday seems to be harder and the day I say I do wont be the same without you.
Giving me away to the man I should spend the rest of my life with but how can I spend my life with him when my father never taught me how to love?

I called you the other day on a private number
I wasn't expecting you to answer
and then you did.
you spoke so softly
and I swear I about died
as I listened to you say hello
over and over.
as my tears fell rapidly
I couldn't even choke out the words
"I need you"
"I miss you"
"I'm sorry"
but by the time I realize what I had done
you had hung-up the phone.
I was falling apart
and all I wanted was to hear your voice
one last time.

The silence kills me but that's how we communicate
Every word we leave unspoken is another bullet aiming straight for my head
I'm looking at a fully loaded gun that could easily be unloaded
So here I go breaking the silence with the words you need to hear
Thank you

I could unravel some old lines I've written for you but I'm starting on a blank page
The sleepless nights I used to spend alone dont feel so lonely anymore
And days I feel like breaking don't seem so challenging
This is all with the help of you
Thank you

2am phone calls and asking if you're alright
Dialing your number never made me think twice
Couple months without speaking never tore us apart
We always found our way back and that's what best friends are for
Thank you

Late night fires and bringing back the past flames
You have always been near when I needed you to be
Whether you have words of wisdom
Or just a tight hug
I could never say these two words enough
Thank you