it's raining now
and the rain reminds me of you
and how whenever it stormed we stayed inside tattooing our skin to each other
it had seemed that body heat was a glue strong enough to hold us together long enough for me to remember how it felt to fill my hands with your fingers or my mouth with your tongue
it was the kind of summer love that you whispered about in your sleep and wrote poems about on your feet, I wrote about how your eyes were like coffee cups and your skin was an ivory gold that made even december's cold feel warm. winter was long and you were here but you were gone and I tried for too long to memorize your favorite songs and search for myself in the words you would never say, my lips or my hips or my bones or my finger tips. eventually spring came and so did the rain and in a way this makes everything remind me of you, of you eyes and your grin and your lies and your skin. my coffee tastes like the anniversary we never had, and I wish I could say that meant it was bad but it wasn't. it tasted like you and like me, together again, like your eyes and my hips and your skin and your skin.

i'm not going to lie and say you were the first thing on my mind when I awoke
but i will say that i'm sitting here 2 weeks later
with my stomach turning and my mind spinning with the
thought of you
and how you'll never love me
you were always the last thing on my mind
before i fell into a temporary sleep
please promise me one day
it'll be permanent
if you asked me if i needed you i would just nod
but that would be an exaggeration of the truth
because i didn't need you
i need somebody
you were the somebody who  left me with my 2 am thoughts to fight off alone
and the demons provoking my mind like your best friend used to
i'm laying here replaying all the signs i could have caught before you left but i'm just glad you actually gave me a second look
but if i could go back and erase the way you held my hand or made me smile, i promise you
**i would

I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I can't manage to fall asleep without seeing your face laced across the inside of my eyelids. its a dark kind of beautiful. I haven't quite yet decided if that's a good or a bad thing. and I havent yet decided why I keep drawing solar systems on my skin with ink almost as blue as your blood before it kissed the very air we find ourselves effortlessly inhaling and exhaling second after second without giving a second thought as to why or how our lungs are always working even when we wish they would stop. sometimes I have this dream where I'm drowning in an ocean that's named after you and the way your lips smiled between midnight kisses and just as I'm about to inhale every ounce of you and allow death to do your ***** work I wake up in a sea of black bed sheets that have been empty for weeks and I'm looking down at my solar system covered skin wondering where you might be in this world, wondering who's neck you're kissing at day break and why you still make me feel so small. I have the entire universe imprinted on my skin, but it doesn't mean anything at all. tonight I'm breathing out every ocean of madness you've ever put me in, washing away the world you drew on my skin. this isn't where it ends, I'll say. this is where it begins.

you ended things sunday morning around the time my breakdowns come to an end
but you were like the match to my fire and I slowly burned out that whole day
i haven't spoke to you since monday morning when you finally spoke the truth
i know i asked for it but oh god, you were so cruel
the last few days you haven't left my mind and i swear these days drag on like the sadness i've been enduring
you gave up on me and all i can seem to say is
why