where the daisies grow: Favorites

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

6:45am

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

Janet Li

6:45am

i love when it's so cold
outside
it hurts to breathe
i feel small and meaningless
like i don't belong
and i have to fight to
be where i am

i am positive
i've never in my life run to
see the sun rise
before
i am the antithesis of a morning person
in my bones i know i cannot fall asleep before midnight--
it's a waste
everything fun happens after midnight--
i'm only running now because
i ****** up my sleep schedule so badly
i've made a full circle
from normal to nocturnal and back again
i hope i can see it through

i've been letting myself fall asleep whenever i want
usually 7am-3pm
then for some reason i fall asleep watching cartoons
8pm-midnight
then up again
rinse, repeat

i have bruises on my thighs
from vitamin C deficiency
i've probably gone three shades paler
hiding from the sun for weeks
in my self-exile

i don't feel like i'm falling apart
going crazy
but all the signs are there
who is there to save me from myself?

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

deathjavu

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

grace elle

deathjavu

morrissey said "to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die" and donnie darko said "every living creature on earth dies alone"
and maybe we're thrusting ourselves ourselves into the unknown
but from what i know the birds tell us stories with their wings and the sky is a lot more beautiful than his hands ever were to me and the overgrowth in the woods holds more passion than my eyes do some nights
when we walk through this world, we are doing so alone

to die on your own is a way most people don't want to go.

we have shipwrecks in our hearts and thunderstorms under our fingernails and sometimes i swear to god i can hear the rain in your exhale and highways never come to a complete end so why should we

comatose linked to these tombstones and the way you never understood what her eyes were saying when her lips couldn't move
i keep thinking back to the sunday mornings i found god in and i see the exasperation staining my knees from all the pleas i was sending back to me

maybe we have to see our own blood on the pale white concrete before we can understand what love is or what the sunset really means and i guess i'm saying i lost so many parts of me that i mopped up the blood and rung it out into the veins of a creature you'll never meet

to die in the passengers seat of a car with your heart on your sleeve and their saliva still on your lips is the way most people want to give death it's first kiss

we are brooding through the wavelengths of familiarity and unfamiliarity all at once and we chant deja vu when we meet someone new because they say the last thing you see when you die is those you love so what do we do when we **** the things we once knew and love all things brand new

to die by my own side is such a heavenly way to say goodbye.

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

I can't pause until I tell you that

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

Syd

I can't pause until I tell you that

I love the way your lips say my name and how something about your tongue tastes like sunshine on mine and your voice sounds like summer during the day and star dust at night and I aspire to make you acutely aware of how incredible it is to lose myself in your laughter and find myself in your veins I want to wake up each and every morning on the wrong side of the right bed with your sheets tangled around my ankles and your fingers intertwined with mine and I want to look at you through sun kissed bedroom air and tired eyes and tell you how ******* beautiful you are

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

I do

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

Syd

I do

I've been thinking about love for awhile now. and I can't even think about how you can't look at the sun for too long without thinking about you. I can't look at you for more than a minute without getting bent about how ******* beautiful you are and how ordinary I am. ordinary at best. I'd plant kisses on your neck for the rest of my days if you'd give me the pleasure and god I've never wanted so badly to franticly run my fingers through your hair and down your spine just to assure myself that your skin is mine to touch for the moment. moment. what constitutes as a moment anyway? when he's looking in your eyes, not at them or as he's pulling you into bed at night? I want an eternity of more or less continuous moments. the truth is I want everything you have to offer and I'd be more than glad to take the good with the bad and always remember that each moment is a monument and I want to make mountains out of molehills just to have more time to fill your fingers with mine. the truth is there will never be enough time in the day or enough ways to say that I love you without feeling like someone else could have said it better. but I love you, god I love you and for whatever it's worth I think the sun ought to be jealous of your smile and you make the moon blush when you speak. they say each of us are made of star dust and the stars are made of us but you and me, we're made of each other. there's an entire solar system that revolves around the inside of my ribcage but I doubt that comes as any surprise to you. you've always been the earth and I'll always be the moon. every piece of me revolves around every inch of you, and I love you. I do.

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

the birds still sing and the sky still dims and the earth still spins, and I still love him

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

Syd

the birds still sing and the sky still dims and the earth still spins, and I still love him

I still love him, you know? and you know what else, it ***** because you don't know. he doesn't know or maybe he just doesn't care anymore but I still love him or maybe I never stopped and maybe I never will. it ***** because your name still sits between my lips at night and I can feel your skin dancing on my finger tips. I remember how warm your flesh once was, so much as it eliminated any need for a blanket or a sweater. it still blows my mind into a million different dazed and confused pieces that you're no longer waiting for me when I wake up in the morning with a kiss and two cups of coffee. I still love him. my sketches are starting to resemble the constellation of freckles that are scattered along his jawline. its funny how you never really realize how empty things like your hands and your heart can feel until you lose the thing you used to fill them with. love is a funny thing. I still love him. but what does that even mean when I can't spend every second I'm given spreading kisses along his skin like wildfire or counting his heartbeats or feeling him breathe? does she kiss you where the sun doesn't shine and take the breath away from your lips? does she know that you sleep on the left side of the bed and your heart beats two hundred and twenty seven times before you fall asleep. I still love him. the birds still sing and the sky still dims and the earth still spins, and I still love him.

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

your side of the bed

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

Syd

your side of the bed

it's almost 3 a.m
and my eyes are begging for sleep
but my fingers are dreaming of your skin
and longing for your touch
and I miss you so much that
I started sleeping on your side of the bed
and I swear I can still feel your lips on my forehead
or the warmth of your voice in my ear whispering goodnight
I love you
you said
it's almost 3 a.m
and one side of the bed
will always be empty
it doesn't matter where I lay
because I swear I feel you everywhere
your name in my throat
and your fingers in my hair
but that doesn't even begin to compare
to the fact that when they asked me for my blood type
I almost choked on your smile
ten thousand miles between our veins and
you still manage to take my breath away
it's almost 3 a.m
and even when my blood turns to whiskey
my mind wanders back to you
in this drunken state of black and blue
I love you
you said
it's 3 a.m
goodnight from your side
of the bed

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

the girl with solar system skin

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

Syd

the girl with solar system skin

I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I can't manage to fall asleep without seeing your face laced across the inside of my eyelids. its a dark kind of beautiful. I haven't quite yet decided if that's a good or a bad thing. and I havent yet decided why I keep drawing solar systems on my skin with ink almost as blue as your blood before it kissed the very air we find ourselves effortlessly inhaling and exhaling second after second without giving a second thought as to why or how our lungs are always working even when we wish they would stop. sometimes I have this dream where I'm drowning in an ocean that's named after you and the way your lips smiled between midnight kisses and just as I'm about to inhale every ounce of you and allow death to do your ***** work I wake up in a sea of black bed sheets that have been empty for weeks and I'm looking down at my solar system covered skin wondering where you might be in this world, wondering who's neck you're kissing at day break and why you still make me feel so small. I have the entire universe imprinted on my skin, but it doesn't mean anything at all. tonight I'm breathing out every ocean of madness you've ever put me in, washing away the world you drew on my skin. this isn't where it ends, I'll say. this is where it begins.

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

paint swatch poetry

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

Syd

paint swatch poetry

and i simply cannot help myself
because i've never loved anything
as much as i love you

i want my name to be the only one
that passes through your lips
i want to be the last hand
you ever hold
the final heart
you claim to grasp

you wanted to be my first
(i want to be your last)

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

we wake up in a tornado of emptiness that we created ourselves

Nov 2014 where the daisies grow

Syd

we wake up in a tornado of emptiness that we created ourselves

it’s 2:42 a.m
late july
early august
i’m tired of something bigger than sleep
the kind of tired sleeping pills
will always fail to fix
no number of pillows
will make up for the emptiness
in my bed
and i remember laying my head
on your chest
at this very time
listening to the constant
and reassuring sound
of your heartbeat
there’s something about
feeling human flesh
a warmth
that no number of blankets
could ever hope
to recreate
every single morning
i would stumble to the shower
tracing over the towels
you used last
and there was something
beautifully poetic about
your inverted shampoo bottles
that lined the shower wall
turned upside down
they said
he used me most
so really
it comes as no surprise to me
that when you left
i basically
turned my whole life upside down
looking for answers
inspecting every scar and asking
which one scared you off?
the curling iron on my leg
the stove on my palm
the you on my heart
they never tell you how lonely
your own bed can feel
when you wake and realize
we hold pillows like warm bodies
we cocoon ourselves in bed sheets
to resemble a human embrace
we wake up in a tornado of emptiness
that we created ourselves
we so seldom take the time
required to understand that
we did this to ourselves
looking at heartbreak
as if it were an opportunity
to stand back and say

*he used me most