I NEVER WANTED TO BE A GIRL WHO COULD ONLY WRITE LOVE POEMS
i only write of loving you or hating me, it seems

my problems are so minuscule and i'm so fortunate
but hey, i'm still complaining
everyone's sad and angry and ******* up for no reason
and finally,
no one gives a **** if you smoke cigarettes,
just don't pretend you're impressing anyone by doing it.
i've been saving cool cig holders on my online wishlists since i was 14
it's never been a new idea.
i'm sorry but i've been sad lately,
-one day maybe i'll get a therapist-
but for tonight i just whispered to myself,
"you have to stop."
because i've always wanted to want nothing
and i need to thicken my skin and stop caring.
it doesn't matter what happens
no one will remember you for as long as you want them to, anyway

usually unsure how you feel about me
that's okay

sometimes i drag myself across linoleum floors
let my fingernails scratch the surface
(or try to)
and i want you to leave scratch marks the next time you kiss me..
at least with you my eyes flutter instead of droop

Cracking every finger
Every bone
Pinching every free inch of skin
I never sit still
I would be hungry if I wasn't so ******* thirsty for your touch

start a conversation//
i care a lot and that shouldn't make you nervous//
i talk so much, god, just let me listen
//
and then slip your hand under my shirt and whisper some small talk
unbutton my pants while you talk about the weather
i'll tell you that i think rain smells nice when you lick up my stomach
and i'll run my hands down to your hips as i ask you what you ate for breakfast
"I had peanut butter toast," I'll say,
finding your zipper
\
despite how much i love our conversations now,
you can always talk a little more about yourself

i daydream of last summer
or this weekend
sitting in your arms
or resting my head on your legs when i can't make myself sit straight
(you stopped the truck to park before you took me home)
tell me straight up

i know you're not talking about me
i know you're not talking about me

i'll stop expecting much
i won't ask too many questions
i'll just trace your lips with my fingertips
and work for the attention
>>let's just have fun<<

hey i know we're playing by ear,
but if you ever start a band can i be your main roadie,
can i help make your lame t-shirts
can i call people for gigs
even though you'll be nervous to play?
i had a dream things got started
i had a dream i was backstage

i can't stop thinking about you
and when i sleep
all i do is dream about you

i guess
(i know)
i miss you

and now i realize alot of me
depends on a little you