WAKE UP
I want to
GET UP
But the weight holds its
Thick arm
Across my shoulders and it
Yells gruffly, "You do not deserve this day!"

We wrestle for a while, this arm and I,
And some days it tries to
Strangle me

But I
Always
Win

A weight is just a
Weight, no matter how
Heavy.
The arm is just an
Arm with no body, unless you give it
Yours.

I miss the
Salt water
Salt breeze
Hot sticky nights
Beads of sweat that formed on my
Temples for doing the
Smallest tasks.
Broken car
Bad roads
But the view,
My gosh, the view.

I miss the
mangy dogs
feral cats; even the
nasty centipedes and the
hairy spiders and the
Old dog laying in the sunlight with an ocean backdrop.

But most of all, I miss the
Friends that made my days worth living; the
Laughs
Antics
Shoulders to cry on
Friends that became
Family

I miss walking the halls and
Knowing every face.
Saying hello to
Every face.
Working hard and having it
Mean something.
Less pressure.

I miss my old life so badly sometimes that it
Hurts.
Life is
Tough now.

I am
Attempting to remember without coming off as
Pretentious.

I am
Grieving. Part of me
Died that day, on that plane, when I

Left.

Today I jumped the chasm with my own
Two feet.
Pushoff.
Feet through air.
Eyes wide, traveling beneath my feet to the
Gorge below.
Breathing in the screams of the
Helpless who were grappling with gnarled hands; reaching for my
Ankles to pull, but then
You held me; Your
Breath caught my arms and You
Carried me.
Feet on dirt;
Eyes on You;
I am home.

Where were you when
The clouds turned pale
And
The moon drank blood
And
The sun took its hand off my heart
Uncoupled and free, my heart ran to the
One thing it knew:
You

But where were you

Heart searching; hands finding, but it was
Not you, only
The ocean that ate
A shell
Held up to the ear, it listened to
You, but the only sound was
Silence.