hm.
it's may 7th,
isn't it?
12:01am
on the dot.
i forgot...
today is my birthday
today i am twenty
years
old
and i don't
feel a thing.
i am often alarmed
frightened
confused
by my lack of feeling
and everyone says
it has something to do
with depression
hell,
i don't know.

i always used to get
some little tingle
some little thrill
of excitement...
it's my birthday!!!
i'd think...
even last year
the first year
without mom
without anything
normal
i still felt
something...
but there is
nothing.
in fact
i would have forgotten
if some random *** girl
i haven't talked to in two years
hadn't just texted me
happy birthday...

...happy birthday,
littleredwritinghood...
maybe this year you'll get what you want
i'd really enjoy
some arsenic
this time around
i wonder what death feels like
maybe i'll actually feel something
for
once
i guess it's worth a shot

I had no idea that my family wasn’t perfect,
All you let me see were the lies,
I was ignorant to the truth,
But still, I was happy.

You hurt her,
My only protector,
But I thought she was evil.
In my eyes you were God,
But secretly, you were the devil.

Now I see the tears,
The ones she refused to show in my presence.
She fought for my happiness.
She suffered for my smile.
And you let me believe she was evil.

But I was ignorant,
I was blind.
I was just a little girl,
Who had her own little world.

Love and Christianity begin first at home with good communication.








*~Hilda~

I think about this girl all the time
Most of these poems are dedicated to her
And I'm so grateful that her parents decided to play it free
Because it produced this beautiful young lady
The only thing left that can inspire me
You see, life is a dark meaningless pit for me
Depression a beast I can't put back on the leash
It took control years ago, leaving this broken son
Basically brain dead, unable to have fun
Enjoyment doesn't come to me, all I know is pain
So when I met this girl, my mind was blown
It rearranged everything I thought I knew about this game
For the first time ever, hope was present
Death not so inviting, life worth living
Something to look forward every day, giving me a reason to get up in the morning
Breaking the constant cycle of sadness and mourning
Her smile? Golden
And hugging her was my only heaven on Earth
The embrace of someone you loved, it can cure you of any hurt
So when the thoughts come back
And I'm chilling with those pills
I tell her I love her, she says it back
And I manage to survive a little longer in this world

I had a dream last night
That when I awoke
You were tangled in the sheets next to me
Our legs intertwined, our clothes scattered
Together and happy as never before

Reality hit when I came to this morning
Nobody next to me, cold and alone
The dream lingered just beyond my conscious thoughts
Leaving me with a hollow, empty feeling
Because you are gone