Act 2
both sides use conscience for a hook
it's a con artist's suitcase
fill your cup in the Ocean of Tears
there's enough of everything in there
toasters glowing blenders humming
dogs ******* on lawns across the land
in a cloying oppressive sweetness
that could diverge and go anywhere
Club Med’s Oracle Island for example
blind sibyls eyelids fluttering
hissing spitting twitching babbling
it was the wisdom of the ages incarnate
but Bobby was miles from all this
making that fox up a tree deduction
consumed by a lingering half lit dread
of discovering at the moment of death
that his life was an in-flight movie
only with less captivity and more wandering
unsure of coming up with an airtight alibi
he suddenly mobilized his only shield
the lid off the dustbin of history
held against his approaching doom
they give you anything you want at first
the customer can do no wrong
then the high pressure hose
and subsequent foxhole autopsy
great 3 color graphics
they even have a screen saver
yet Fate had a trick up her ****
plucky LeMona it suddenly turns out
as the machinery of Zeus grinds us skyward
has been a spy for the forces of ambivalence
disguised as a bushwhacking retromaniac
gone undercover and surfing the channels
that were woven into the Swami's beard
from the first instant that she knew
the Eel King was a candle lit hallucination
as well as a groping spiritual vagrant
don't you **** with Bobby Eel daddy
it was LeMona and her retinal retinue
of petulant maidens on a magic carpet
Jacobins in Mr. Roger's neighborhood
the boardroom's feral chessmen
puking up last night's takeover
I mean takeout for the 6th time
uh oh I'm getting calm down messages
from my fiance LeMona Oblongata
so I can't even feel illustrious at last
I've been inoculated against everything except
the Eel King's daughter

From "Pageant of Naked Mischief" available on Amazon

Act 1
a notarized copy of this testament
is on file with my attorney
in case of my untimely earthing
by the invisible x-ray background
driving another stake through my bleeding heart
but back to our semiotically comatose narrative
The Eel king rips off Bobby's latex facade
at last I have you captive Bandwidth
Eel's eyes narrow a smile edges his mandible
Bobby's eyes gone wide with no exit
prepared to submit to his conspicuous doom
humid vistas from the Matto Grosso
panned luridly before his convulsing eyes
ars pharmacopia little muffin went Eel
the time has come for your loving torment
Bobby was dragged to the Cistern of Woe
by a busload of nuns from Santa Pudenda
and tied into one of Escher's inhibition pretzels
above a pit of staring human eyeballs
Bobby had a plan murky at first
but with a blurred urgency that unveiled
his guardian cosmetician's skin graft
from the last 3 alarm conflagration epic
it had finally healed abused and maligned
tho still on oxygen or was it toxigen
no one knew much less the narrator
too harried by Fate for detail work
but I digress to a distressing degree
Bobby stared into the cesspool of his mind
illumined now by a wan spark of hope
he would gambit judiciously
the ancient and terrible pherome defense
as the squish of rain forest footsteps
and little gasps of manual stimulation
graced with wanton overtones came closer
it was LeMona the Eel King's daughter
a beauty that all the aniline dyes in the jungle
could not extinguish in a waterfall's fog
marched with retinue straight up to Bobby
he was instantly and cleanly detrousered by
her wheezing steam engine of debauchery
within microseconds seconds her tongue
was down his throat to the car park
he heard the bell in her navel ringing
and went limp like a doomed weasel
in the talons of a swooping Mongolian bercut
the Eel King became visibly ill humored
contain your infantile carnality
mischievously insistent pride of my *****
(to be continued)

From "Pageant of Naked Mischief" available on Amazon

wishing he had sung his prayers last night
from both ends to the middle
fell to the ground in supplication
plastic Jesus hold my head
a round of applause for once
or even just a soft murmur
from those in your employ
my interrogator professor Zworykin
said quietly we want information
I knew I was up **** creek
without an assault rifle
with various blunt objects
aimed at what was left of my head
initiations with disfigurement
so give me a melodic answer he encouraged
yah well the Third ***** fell from bad music
I regurgitated like a vampire in reverse
furthermore the swelling is an obstacle
I added for emphasis I mean evidence
Zworykin was neither mollified
nor inclined to use less aftershave
a great ****** of a situation
which is a poem in itself
I got in a few imaginary hits
before he called in the hockey franchise
fine fellows who sang as they worked
that's how we laugh the day away
in the merry merry Land of Oz
always a help to morale in the trenches
men this is a spit shine day went Zworky
cracking walnuts with his hydraulics
stand ***** and do your regimentation proud
they wavered then cheered then wavered
when the going gets tough as it will
look for a bar with a jukebox
as does your present prostrate narrator
to whom they ultimately allocated
a very private security consultant
good lord not another eccentric botanist
endorphin soaked and bling speckled
with his blemish free goats
and his tunnel vision paparazzi
hi I'm Joe Product family friend
half con half circus half fury
I screamed my one line in the play
traffic fines double in poet zones

From "Pageant of Naked Mischief" available on Amazon

can't even **** anymore
without kicking up a hurricane
halfway around the Earth
according to reports this has occurred
at a great loss of life and mind
within minutes of the methane
the dominoes began to rumble
and poor Flash who was
merely greeting the morning sun
became history's first flatomaniac
Flash was burly with hair
up and down his back like
a mink in a 5th Avenue perfumery
he had always been a cartoon
playing the 3 color hope card
in a séance with the laboring masses
at the Union of Opposites hiring hall
I was merely giving the citizens
an anatomy lesson your Honor
I should be given a cash stipend
for ennabling public elucidation
fortunately no witness has come forward
his only defense was the tenuous claim
that he saw the ancient god Apollo
leaping out of a moving taxi
the effect was so dramatic
that his legs had to leap too
they haven't stopped since
his testimony was a monstrosity of detail
in conclusion my rebuttal established
several seemingly salient selections
I am a dissector by trade your Worship
and a taxpaying asset to any community
Flash was sentenced with stern admonishment
you will henceforth exercise your libido
within the confines of spherical propriety
to which Flash meekly assented
without the slightest ******* er objection
and somehow strangely unafraid
the Flasher of Costa del Mar
disappeared one star sprinkled night
****** into the belly of an alien craft
over the cattle lip badlands of Montana
they commenced their hideous experiments
as Flash mused without anesthesia
on the incalculable immensity
of the scrapyard Universe
and watched a mobile home run amok
across 9 lanes of traffic

From "Pageant of Naked Mischief" available on Amazon

there are some parts of your personality
you must never be charmed to look at
or Aristotle's logic will pay you a visit
for a 15th century anatomy lesson
an eye for an eye a throat for a throat
gargoyle armies hovering overhead
tongue for tongue trumpeting victory
the oracle had him tossed out
for vigorously offensive behavior
his cult believed that *** withers the bones
madman Rasputins rerouted his mail
how could work ever be its own reward
a case of geriatric illumination
following the high voltage enema
and you learn that by reading the context
you can actually see around corners
it was a code 9 ambulance ride
straight to Happy Valley’s neuro dock
and thousand dollar an hour shrinks
for libido boot heel therapy
with the Empress of all the Russias
please to open mouth dahlink she said
and drove her turgid tongue
down my gagging throat so far it broke off
just make it significant she keened
so he wrote like he lived diminishingly bold
aggressively non-committal engagingly witless
a composite man with a cryptographic message
for the pivoting dervish temple ballerinas
and big breasted truck stop girls
vacationing in Puerto Aorta
you take a cliche you massage it right
you got them eating out of your laundry bag
my Tourette's script writers again
all you can say to truth is
I hope you ain't the whole truth
Aristotle addressed the basilica
as a shaft of light shone down
the gathered sweaty once devoted throng
expecting a thrash metal anthem
murmured and stamped their discontent
and walked out in stony silence
Aristotle was immediately defenestrated
by the Bishop of all the Americas
having **** uncontrollably
and aggressively upon the altar
while uttering the plague curse
from the Plague House of Nineveh
a wanton unrepentant savagery
such as seen in certain Pekingese lap dogs
a masterful mix of indifference and cunning


From "Pageant of Naked Mischief" available on Amazon

i finally established rapport
with none other than the Sacred Cow
and it stepped all over my toes
gave me a limp worthy of an asterisk
the oil of anointment in my crankcase
but an army of monks couldn't keep me pure
as I laugh all the way to the blank
pulled into a marginally enchanting future
by the dog at the end of my food chain
pet his good luck **** if you must
my Siberian sibling exhales belligerently
after exterminating the woolly mammoth
separated at birth by a faulty wall socket
badly trained by a monkey's uncle
I've contacted the hunchback ***** banks
for a below zero safe deposit box
while descending through the atmospherics
with a certified license to lounge
upon the bedrock of creation
like butter through hunger
only in your head holy man
expletives erupted from his throat
making antic come here gestures
while wiggling under Bigfoot's foot
a sea of irritants sending messages
through my lawyers Rugburn & Nosebleed
you vampires should be in bed at this hour
if only because monotony generates subtlety
we played 'em right into the net
sent the boys off on a Nanking holiday
to animate something foul and oafish
that's now clogging the sewers
**** the spankers slit their throats
like the moon through a windy fog
one thing blending into another
fueling up with ignorance again
but I don't see how we could wreak hell
any more than the universe
already buggering ahead does
even with bear claws for hands
like a hotel banquet ice carver
in an encounter with the Dancing Strumpets
in a climate too tropical for inspiration
his frozen uncertainty runneth over
in a renunciation of befuddlement
by a Viking landfall pillaged soul
living a farcical incoherent nightmare
slammed through the one chance gate
and went clomping into showbiz
with a gypsy clan of Yiddish fiddlers

From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon

educated by the ancient twin mystics
of misfortune right eye and left eye
to nurture in nature a desire for beauty
and sweet self astonishment
can't perceive without perceiving
music of the spheres for dummies
the elderly should be smarter than they are
being close to death and all
instead the investigator discovers
a massive construction of leashes
not even the angry wish monsters
can cut them loose and free
being elderly in form I have but one wish
women throw your bodies on me
Fallopia Prestwich was all over me
like cat fur on a velvet couch
it looks like my cheap suit cologne
apparently got between her legs
but I was done with her abstract threats
of revenge litigation and outright damnation
she was a circus muse who untrained horses
she could pitch a dime up a hopping toad's ***
her beauty left me speechless
fortunately for my many invisible readers
I was not also left writeless
the assignment was simple and brilliant
to assess the capacity of all humanity
to put therapeutic levels of luminosity
into their daily thrill ride
yah but what is it really other than
a figure 8 demolition derby
a merciless war of the hormones
the pedants conning the pedestrians
then the animator of all that there is
rolls up and gives me a bumper push
to the Brickpile checkered flag
even though I refuse to believe
his ******* tale of redemption for a price
do this do that don't think just do
bring me the head of Calliope
and we'll open her blessed plenum
well I rebelled and continue to do so
consequently here's a big kiss on the lips
for all the young Pioneers of the Soviet Union
anything named pioneer can't be all bad
and here's a big dog lick in the ear
for every Rabbi Mufti Priest and Magus
who thought they had the truth in a cage
stick this target over your ***
simple rational practical elegant
now send me some ******* missionary money

From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon