If I wanted to know what love felt like
I would have grabbed your hand under the sheets at midnight
Or kissed your cheek in the morning like the sun gets to do through the window
I would have traced the rim of your glasses with my fingertip
I would have painted the colors of my words with pinks instead of blue
I would have told the truth

But I didn't want to know what love felt like
So instead, I closed the door on your open heart
And drew a line in the sand in between "commitment" and "lust"
And I took a step away from you
And never looked back

They told me that dreams could be achieved, so I could dream as big as I wanted
Nothing could get in the way of my success
So I dreamt of astronauts and doctors and believed I would be them someday
Now that I’m older, I know that there are copious amounts of things that could get in my way

One- they told me to dream but they shoved me into this hole of their lost lives
Trying to get me to be what they aren’t

Two- they box you in from the start, telling you that you’ll only be something in life if you go to college and

Three- college becomes the planet Mars that needs a hell of a lot of work to get to and it seems impossible but they say it’s worth a shot so

Four- you push yourself and every being of your body aches with contempt knowing that they give you expectations that are the size of lightyears
Expectations that exponentially grow every time you get an A+ in whatever subject the University of Mars looks for in your major
Expectations that seem impossible to achieve but they say it’s worth a shot

Five- if nothing could get in my way from success then I would be in every newspaper you read at the breakfast table
I would be known but instead I’m here as a triangle trying to fit in the perfect square mold that they have forged for me

Six- even if I fit, I would pass up on the trip to Mars because thanks, but no thanks, I don’t want to be the meat trying to fill the empty corpse that was your dream

Seven- am I so insufficient that I can’t dream for myself

Eight- I got good grades and I was never bad because I knew that I was going to be something in life so I forced myself to be the square

Nine- I dreamt big because I could
I didn’t need you or them to use me as their string puppet because if I wanted to get **** done I had to do it for myself
And my kids will never go through this, I swear
They will have no mold and I will never burden them
You see,

Ten- they told me nothing could get in the way of my success, but now that I’m older
Now that I’m older, I see that the only thing that was getting in my way
Was you

I still remember
The scent you wore on late nights out
The way your hair was. Felt
The way we were and felt
I still remember
The way you said my name when we said our goodbyes
And the ways your eyes glistened less as you walked away
How we would laugh about little things
How love blinded us of our futures
But we didn't care
Not at the moment, anyway
So wound up in each other
And not another thing in the world mattered
I still remember
All those summer nights ago
When we first met
We didn't know then
That we would later be so deep in love
But later more have to say goodbye
Yes.
Sadly, I still do remember.

I want
Microwave time
With you
Not
Roller coaster time

In the fall, I loved your beanie
The way you kicked around leaves
Your love for dying nature

In the winter, I loved your hugs
How you got me hot tea for the weather
When you held my frozen hand

In the spring, I loved your color
Your need for bright happiness
The way you dragged me to the pool

In the summer, I loved your voice
Our late night conversations
Sneaking out and romancing

I loved you for all seasons
I'll love you for the next rounds
Even if you aren't here to share them with me

When I was younger
I never thought of death
I was good and thought of life
I never spoke of ugly things
Only sunshine and promises

Now that I'm older
Thoughts of death
Seem to consume me
They swallow me up whole
And I speak of being broken instead

I remember your promise
On your life you swore to keep
That you would love me forever
And by my side, you would sleep
We would have a few kids
And go out on dates
Love with all our heart
And stay out late
We were so perfect
Together so flawless
We were so in love
Until you broke your promise

I thought
we would have more
time
to fall
out of

love

Is four years after one burning summer
Three months after a one night brush
Two days after a midnight kiss
And one second after the last goodbye

I stopped writing poetry when we were together, because all my words became devoted text messages and phone calls. Of course, you were never a man who was good with words, and I grew tired of one sided conversational poems. And you grew tired of my expectations for you to reciprocate. So I guess the pain and exhaustion was mutual. It’s a year and a half later, and I’m writing for the first time in a long time. Maybe this is all over. Maybe the struggle no longer exists, and we both are free. You’re free to keep your words to yourself, and I’m free to set my words on fire. I’m sorry. I guess I’ve always been a solo writer.

The day we all pretend
We actually like each other

If I were honest
I would say I like your smile
That I like your laugh
And I can't stand to be away from you for a while
I would say that your voice melts me
Right to the core
Because no one has sung me a lullaby
Just like you before
I would say that when I see you
My knees go weak
I stutter my words
And my heart skips a beat
I would tell you that the thing I like the most
About you are your eyes
They sparkle and they're bright
When they gaze upon mine
Yes: to be honest
Is something hard for me to do
Mostly because
I can't admit that I love you

Stars tell stories to travelers
They guide them through the night
Show them how to live for adventure
Show them the value in life

And as they speak
Their words of wisdom
They speak
Of what they've learned and seen

So listen to them closely
For they have a lot to say
But also remember
Story time ends at day

I see the sun set in your eyes
While the sweet moon rises
And for a while,
My problems melt away
And they're gone
As long as I'm in your arms to stay
Under the stars
Where secrets are told
I'm yours for the night
For you to hold
We'll get lost
In another world
When eternity comes
I'll be forever yours
Please never let go
And I will never cease to show
How my heart longs for you
When we are not sharing the same world

I hope you remember me on the 29th of every month
And I hope you look at every picture
And think of me
I hope you lay in your bed at night
And feel the memory of my body pressed against yours
Sleeping
I hope the ghost of our relationship
Makes you moan into the night
I hope your dog looks at you
And ***** his head
To ask
Where I've been
I hope your hand feels empty
While you take long drives
With the absence of my hand to hold it

I hope these memories burn into your eyes
And engrave my name into your heart
I hope you remember me

I started calling myself by a different name
And the people didn't want the new me
And I was okay with that

I took a deep breath
Then closed my eyes
Silently to myself
I added up your lies

Just a few
Here and there
But you lied straight to my heart
And that's just not fair

You said forever
And I believed you
Now I'm here alone
We're not the perfect two

If anybody
Could feel so contempt
It would be me
Right here
Right now
As you smile at me
While talking about her

There’s no other time, I’m a mess
So I hope you’ll give me a listen
It’s two am in the darkness
And you can’t see my eyes glisten
You’re a thousand miles away
While you’re laying with me in bed
But the months of tension between us
Has spoken more words than I’ve said
It’s time to let go of the past
I know you can agree
My future doesn’t have you written in it
But that’s as far as I can see
Tomorrow, I’ll be gone
You know by the tremble in my tone
I’ll take my heart as a casualty
Stepping out of this war zone

I remember the fear in her eyes
Especially the pleas for help
Tears would drip down
Or she imagined they would
As she became more and more
Trapped in her own collapsing world
Her walls tore down
And she was utterly alone
She asked me
Have you ever felt this way
A battle inside yourself
Just searching for happiness
Yes.
I have felt your pain

If I could cast away Heartbreak
as easily
as you casted away our
Love
this would be
just

Fine.