Western Wildflower

Western Wildflower Feb 2014

**** Me

I want to feel you **** me again,
This time just like you tried back then,
I want to look you in your degenerating eyes,
To search inside all your precious lies,
The ones you were fed from youth,
The ones you believed as your truth,
I want to create your shattered reality,
And drive you into cowardice insanity,
I want to relive that desperate moment with you,
I want to ignore the pain and feel what was true,
I've released this relentless anger you inflicted,
But I know somehow you will always be addicted,
To the screams you heard on that delicate day,
So I wish to perform again and to your dismay,
No screams or pleas to stop the strain,
No ******* from body to brain,
Only stone cold eyes looking back at yours,
As your soul becomes the one mine devours.

Years after the incident, I finally feel like I am strong enough that I could face the devil himself without even flinching. My pain will no longer be someone else's satisfaction.

Western Wildflower Feb 2014

Believe

I believe in freedom,
In my ability to dream,
In true love that never lasts,
In re-living a thousand pasts,
I believe in the winds that carry,
And the soul that guides me,
In hope that has been forgotten,
The tragedy of innocence rotten,
I long for the taste of love again,
I force it when I have no heart to lend,
I believe in the America my Father praised,
The swings and fences on which I was raised,
The purity and love of my beautiful Mother,
The wisdom shared in the words of my Brother,
I believe in returning to that sweet little home,
In which my tiny feet used to roam,
With such endless possibilities,
I believe in the hope my youth still frees.

Western Wildflower Dec 2013

Heartbeat

What I would have given to hear your heartbeat,
Than to hold your ****** hand,
I would have given you all my love,
Played with you in Southern California sand,
I hope the Lord sings to you above,
I hope the heavens know your laughter,
That you are safely sleeping tonight,
I pray for you in the life that comes after,
This life that's stolen my maternal right

I still dream of you one day playing catch,
With your father out on an open lawn,
But that dream is forever never to be etched,
And he has long been gone,
The beautiful little family we could have made,
Now I'm lost with out you, loveless and afraid,
What I would have given to hear your heartbeat.

Western Wildflower Oct 2013

Walking Alone

I wish I could still say I love you,
But I am finding it harder and harder to do,
I know you were hurt, I understand,
I know our love wasn't as planned,
But you left me there bleeding alone,
Trapped in a suicidal, torturous home,
I had never felt so solitary and abused,
Never have I felt so unwillingly used,
I held the remnants of what should be a child,
I felt the pain run through me so wild,
I wish I could say I still love you,
I wish we could hold on and see this through,
But I can never trust that you could ever be there,
I can only trust myself to walk through this despair.

Western Wildflower Oct 2013

I Always Knew

Looking back and at all the signs,
Seeing the memory that always rewinds,
I guess I should have felt this coming,
Love can't be woven with such fragile string,
I regret holding so tightly to the nonexistence,
I pushed and pulled with such resistance,
I threw you down I picked you up,
We made love, but you always ******,
I wanted to keep you safe in my heart,
But we were broken before we fell apart,
I wrecked my love, you wrecked my home,
Locked in these tattered walls all on my own,
The ones you clawed and finally broke down,
But you let the waves crash in; you let me drown,
There is no hope here; there is nothing left,
I will always morn our tragic death,
But I guess I somehow always knew,
That I was never meant to love you.

Western Wildflower Aug 2013

Lost Heartbeat

I am so cold in this summer heat,
Frozen in an endless defeat,
I see you and your heart beating,
I see your love, my dear, retreating,
I tried so hard to break free of your grasp,
But your tears trapped me in their clasp,
You were the one who asked me to stay,
Yet you are the one whose gone today,
Left me with not even a goodbye,
Left me here to slowly die,
I lost our child, I lost our life,
And here I stand with my lonely knife,
All I needed was to feel just fine,
Just a little bit like you were mine,
But I can not even bear you a kid,
My body's production has been forbid,
In silence I hold such terrible secrets,
Loneliness is all my heart now permits,
I hate you for forcing me into this darkness,
Of a sadness I can ultimately never confess.

Western Wildflower Aug 2013

Encase Me, Salty Waves

It is such a wonderful feeling,
To be immersed in something,
Something so much larger,
So much grander than myself.