I will always remember my one true love,
The catch, the glide, the finish,
The way it seemed to take the hurt,
And make it all diminish,
But how could a love so pure,
Be the purest form of pain,
How was I ever to endure,
Living a life in endless vain,
For I pushed through every needle stitch,
Every procedure, broken bone and ailment,
I was rowing's little stupid *****,
I was the team's heaven sent,
I let every bone tear from the muscle,
Every tendon rip in half,
Through sprains and blood I hustled,
I kept pulling on that oar's dead shaft,
Until the pain went through my body,
The pressure to much for my canal,
I was all an athlete truly can embody,
I kept in it, kept up my morale,
But this moment here when I am scrutinized,
By the person I have been placed to serve,
Is when this dedication finally dies,
So no, its not the bulging discs inside;
It's this moment that really hit a nerve.

I am finding myself to be more than lost,
And it is at everyone else's cost,
I keep digging into myself,
But my life has been crystallized on a shelf,
And I am always up on his display,
Expected to act every other way,
Than the way I am and the way I want,
While he shows me off; so nonchalant,
And I try not to stumble and fall,
I try to be his perfect doll,
But the porcelain is starting to crack,
And my heart has been put under attack,
This old love for myself is coming back around,
This love I'm in was never really found,
And I want to run from his stupid game,
And rekindle my own loving flame,
With my soul that was blissful no matter what,
But I am finding that door was long ago shut,
So I stay here in this loveless love,
And let emptiness be all I think of.

You used to hold me tight,
On the warm summers night,
You told me it'll all be alright,
That happiness is still insight,

You'd kiss me on my forehead,
As we laid in earth's bed,
You'd buy me flowers stained red,
"It will stop" was all you ever said,

You would run your fingers through my hair,
My darkest secrets I would come to bear,
Your skin was so warm, welcoming and fair,
I truly believed that you would one day care,

But you became so angry and deranged,
When even the simplistic plans were changed,
The violet-ebony markings became noticeable,
All whilst my heart grew to feel the trouble,
I was unable to continue the struggle; the worthless fight,
I had to end the love that was never truly right.

Tears over an everlasting love,
Emotions attempt to push, to shove,
Torn hearts trying to mend,
Messages I wish I could send,

How I long to lay my head on your chest,
How I want to see you and forget the rest,
The rest of the world and their judging eyes,
Who are they to say where my soul lies?

Every time I hear the sound of my phone,
I pray it's you telling me I am not alone,
But it never seems to be you on the line,
Just men of the mediocre kind,

How I long to steal away from this place,
And wrap myself in your comforting embrace,
Where I can rest until we are both old and gray,
On a rocker overlooking the Californian bay.

There will always be that one person,
Who will forever stick in your mind,
Who you knew you could have saved,
Had you only walked the line,

And to that person I am sorry,
I am sorry I ever let you go,
That I let go of your hand and watched you fall,
That I gave nothing, while you bore it all,

I am sorry for all the secrets I kept,
And for all the burdens I permitted,
I wish I hadn't run, that I was able to accept,
The truth for what it was, but I was too young.

I was too young and selfish,
Too needy and naive,
I was too focused on a wish,
Reality was too hard to perceive,

I never saw the difference between smoke and *******,
I couldn't see how it crystalized and destroyed your brain,
I rejected the fear of overdoses and excessive ****,
I never thought a lifestyle would become your death,

I am sorry I only ever pushed you once,
I would have done it a thousand more times,
If it could have saved those crazy eyes; that beautiful smile,
If it meant your body wouldn't become a John Doe on file.

"Ooh-rah", my darling semper fi,
I wish there was more behind this facade, this lie,
This stigma that falls around loving a marine,
Its not just dress blues and m-sixteens,

There's letters, lonely nights, and solitary hearts,
There's learning to awkwardly ****** your own parts,
There's the creeping feeling of insanity growing inside,
The rules and loyalties you must constantly abide,
All the while the front pages will place irrational fears,
That you will loose his soul to these wartime years,

Whether it be explosive passing or emotional withdrawal,
To lose him, your one true love, is the hardest type of fall,
But he'll keep his spirits up and you'll tell him to keep his head down,
And you will be patiently waiting for the moment he comes back around,

And as for myself,
I have not yet fallen and I will stay strong,
Even when my fears constantly prolong,
This tired journey I promised to embark,
Blindfolded, in love with my mind in the dark,

But my heart belongs to my marine; it will always be his,
Until he comes home and long then after, I will be Semper Fidelis.

Day to day we live for that breath,
That fresh air that comes with a Friday night,
The release; the distractions we create for ourselves,
Often at our own heart's expense,

That same fresh air we crave we cloud with nicotine smoke,
While we drown ourselves with fermented poison,
Our distractions slowly killing our bodies,
Yet freeing our souls,

We yearn for acceptance, love and praise,
Trapped in attempts to relive glory days,
Wrapped in broken ideologies adverse to our own,
Ones we can never truly understand or attempt to atone,

As we throw ourselves deeper and harder in love,
With a memory of happy highs and endless nights,
We loose our bodies to venture into our infinite spirit.