This skin I’m in….
Has taken time to understand, appreciate and heal
From the burden of deep pigmentation
See, growing up frustration and humiliation was my constant station
Called names like “blacky,” “midnight,” and “streetblack,”
I embraced the negativity and wore pain like a sack
I bore the brunt of racism taught within my own community
And there was no immunity for me
I could not escape this dark skin

From year to year
The torture became more severe
And my self-esteem almost ceased to exist
Because I saw myself the way others saw me
I began to speak the same negative words
Spewed by others to myself
This deep pigmentation lead to alienation
I truly hated my dark skin….

In high school, I decided to work on me
And not care so much about what others thought
I told myself that I was more than a conqueror
I spoke more positive words and
I thought the darkness of my skin, didn’t win
But I still got told that “I was cute to be dark,”
Could it be that I was just cute
Not focusing on dark or light?

That is when I begin to realize, this wasn’t my fight
It’s my job to build my own self-esteem
It’s right in the definition, it’s literally what it means
Self-Esteem is how you see yourself!
It’s then that I chose to embrace this dark skin
That absorbs the sun, shines like onyx,
Purifies like charcoal and stands regal like a raven
This skin I’m in has taught me how to soar to higher heights
Loving every step my chocolate blessed feet trod…

I swore I'd never let myself get hurt again
So, I put on my goggles and overalls
And built myself a fence 10 feet tall
Impenetrable
Cause truth be told, I'm too **** vulnerable

I've taken the time to plant my feet
Girded my fortress with the toughest concrete
Safe and secure I take my seat
Determined to keep my distance from everyone I meet

Except you....
You make me question the purpose of my emotional prison
I realize I'm nothing more than a hollow shell
From all the years of hell I willfully endured
And thought myself cured but now I'm amazed and a bit dazed
Cause I simply love being in your presence
And I'm totally captivated by your very essence
Yet my heart yells out
REMEMBER YOUR VOW!!!!

Behind my smile my soul is vexed
And my heart is perplexed
Have I completely lost my mind
Or is it a crime to let you close to me
Can I let my guard down
And expose you to all my vulnerabilities

How do I not take this personal
You took me for granted
And I can't stand it
Like Nicki I shoulda been checked you
But I let you get mad disrespectful
Had the nerve to believe
Simply because I conceived
You were the only man I'd struggle with
So I entered into an unspoken covenant

Swore we were bound for life
In fact you'd call me your wife
Silly me so easily deceived
Cause the reality is those are just words
Spoken by a puppet master
And because my desires for family unit
Kept me entangled mentality
And my perception was clouded

How did I not see you for who you are
Though you called me your star
And you claimed I was the light
That illuminated your world
You swore I was your only girl

Time reveals uncovered secrets
And the realization is that
There are way more victims than just me
And we all unknowingly clung to such
A misguided entity
A talented chameleon who's a masterful mangician
Abracadabra, **** you're inundated
The spell permeates your soul
And his charms pervade your senses

And pain erodes your heart
And you tell yourself you are fine
The truth is your fall apart
And all you can feel is decay
And visions of death encamp you
Your mood is highly dissipated
You feel empty and depleted
I mean completely stagnated
Like your whole being should be deleted

Pain cuts like incisions
And it's time to make decisions and walk away
Taking time to heal
Just so you can deal with self
And scars serve as a reminder
Yet heart still questions
If scabs are still bleeding
Truth is I was so needing to be entirely free

Then I met she
And in her I saw myself
I could empathize with her brokenness
And I could imagine her dismay
And I all I could do is offer words of encouragement
Because we experienced the same grief
So I sent up prayers
To let her know someone cares
Even if he pretends he doesn't

How does she not take it personal
When you consider the disrespect level
You feel you been robbed by the devil, himself
So all we can do is keep each other encouraged

Yes, we found each other
Bound by lies and ill-attempted tries
But no ill-will for each other
She is now part of me
And will forever be family
And never again
Shall we never allow each other to descend into darkness
And so we shall stop taking it personal
Although it's hard to let go of that hate
Karma comes, just wait

And from the ashes we arose with armor
Stronger than we've ever been

The Answer to the Question Where Are You?

2010 WDelany
The Answer to the Question Where Are You?

2010 WDelany



Can you find me?

Clothed in layers and layers

Of heartaches I'd bared

After all these years and years

Of tears and frustration

Standing, patiently waiting

You'd find me


There trapped in a maze

Of both mediocre and hectic days

Used against me like a weapon

Entangled, inchoate searching

For some sort of direction

My personal hell became a comfort zone

Because at least it was my own

And every excuse to not change applied

Pity-parties shared made others subscribe

To my shaken perception

My spirit awaiting resurrection

Would count the tally marks

Like the wall of an inmate's cell

Trapped in my personal hell

Still, in my reality it was the only thing consistent

Challenging myself to not be resistant to change


I began to explore what I say

And the error of my ways

Discovered we all want change instantly

It takes hard work, perseverance and longevity

Prayer, faith and spirituality

What happens when what was once comfortable

Becomes intolerable

When what you believe and is pleasurable

You realize is fallible

Do you stay where you are and suffer for all eternity?

Or do you decide enough is enough

This life is no longer good for me

I allowed prayer and meditation

To be my medication

An antidote to remedy my every situation

God loves me enough to cover me with mercy and grace

Nothing and no one could compare or replace

God never forgot my every request

Just required me to reach for my best


Can you see me?

Letting go of past mistakes

Burying drama and old heartbreaks

Choosing where I go and where I stay

Consciously, each and every day

Shedding layers and layers

Of the tormented garments I chose to wear

In exchange for hope, self pride and growth

Because those are the things I am so worth

It's there you'll find me

Lately I've been thinking
Perhaps, more like deliberating
With myself I've been debating
Tired of waiting and anticipating

See, my perception's been shaken
And trust is what  I should rely on
But we've been through the lies
And I've seen text from other guys
Which only seems to imply
You don't mind keeping you options open

And though I was hoping
To make this work
We'll both end up getting hurt
If we keep dragging this out

It's tough to keep us sound
If neither can be around
And the distance has put a strain
On what remains of our relationship

But who am I relating with
Admit that this distance is killing us
And I no longer want to fuss
And I'm way too old to fight
With ******* and drama
I scream and you shout
What are we really arguing about
Just want no more negative karma

So, I am deciding to walk away
So you can be free
And I can do me
Our love has come to an end
That's the grave reality

Into the abyss
Are hopes and dreams
Shattered, wasted and confused
Caught in a net are my messes
Filled with self-pity, battered and bewildered
Constantly falling into nothingness
Falling steadily into the abyss
I close my eyes
Dismayed and betrayed, I prayed
And heard a voice say
Do you know your worth?
I understand you are hurt
And you have made mistakes
You made poor choices
And caught tough breaks
But if you believe in me and have faith
The size of a mustard seed
I guarantee you will succeed
You were created for more than what you choose
I was beat and bruised for iniquities
The blood still saves if you stick with me
Your latter shall be greater…2012

So I pulled myself together
And planted my feet
Straightened my shoulders
And begin to release
All the pain and the strain of previous years
All the anxiety, heartache and shitload of tears
No longer moved by chatter
And no longer hexed
No longer does it matter
Soul no longer vexed
In fact I am blessed beyond measure
Climbed out of the abyss to find life’s treasures2014

I used to dream in multi-color
With visions of family and this perfect love
Even if noone else could see
I could feel what loving you did to me
I side stepped hurt and pain
Leaped ******* with a single bound
Cause nothing could compare
To the love I had found
Then to my surprise I realized
How much I was dying inside
And that each tear I cried sunk me to a deeper low
Especially seeing you with such trifling hoes
Waving them in my face
Is much more than anyone could take
Then my dreams turned to nightmares
I’d wake up panting for air
Because waiting… is much more than I can bear
With each passing year you still ask me to bare with you
Yet I watch you do you, and them too
And still want to keep your hand on me
Well I just gotta be and I need to fly
I need to jet, I need a partner,
This is not as good as it gets
But there’s more in store for me
So let me dream in multi-color once again
With visions of success and family and a perfect love
That with searching , God will send from heaven above