Awakening

The very essence of adolescence is efflorescence
Passion's embrace is quite effervescent
Was driven to insatiable impress simply by his presence.
An answer to a prayer thought he was heaven sent
I would have walked one million miles for just one of his dimple- filled smiles
Liked his style plus his touch drove me wild
Was in denial and it took me a while to see he was foul and incomplete
Yet, women lie at his feet
Still this man made me weak  
Forsaked all others, lying in wait
Trapped in a dream was my mental state  
Low on the totem pole, drown by tears
Drained by the fact that I wasted too many years  
Tired of debating, sick of hesitating  
Dizzy by the never-ending yo-yo ride of him trying to decide  Feel like I tried, but for too long I cried and inside I died
But I have too much pride to meet my demise here  
Can you see me shaking off fear and realizing my dreams  Coming into the blossoming I felt in my teens  
Cause the very essence of adolescence is efflorescence Catching blessings from God's presence life is effervescent
WDelany11

“Tired of ******* and lies
And ill-attempted tries
And seeing you look at me
        With contempt through your eyes
It’s that I despise

Tired of heartache and pain
Feeling I’m going insane
Like my spirit is being drained
And this has all been in vain
And I’m stuck right here
With only the pieces of my heart
Cause it’s been ripped apart
And I’m standing here like
Where the **** do I start
To repair me
Does anyone hear me?

And I’m mourning letting you be
But, it probably the best bet for me
Cause, loving you is killing me
Painfully waiting for change
I cry
Awakened in a nightmare of life
Passing me by
Slowly losing my mind
Spent days and nights crying
Cause I’m sick of trying

Then feeling forsaken
Leaves my whole perception shaken
Tired of my heart breaking
But ultimately I’m good
Cause honestly I deserve so much more than

******* and lies
And ill-attempted tries
And being looked at
With contempt through your eyes

Love’s Great Fan
By: WDelany

Love’s great fan, I am
Though choices seem to reprimand me
Struggling, in-between constantly
Seeking me to alleviate life’s ailments
Yet stuck in a realm of consistent nothingness
Subject to blame
Cause I don’t see things the same
Fighting myself internally
Clinging to visions of what should be
Maybe the reality is it’s not for me

While loosening the clutch of his hand
I see the shell of a man
Who he once was he is no more
Struggling with perception and what life has in store
Desiring to be more than his choices
Yet unable to control those inner voices
And like sand through an hour glass
These are the days of his life

Seeking redemption in my hand
Steadily drowning in quicksand
Unable to subdue the tormented sounds of unrest
Keeps him stuck in this mess
The mess in not mine I confess
With it I cannot identify
So I try with great conviction
To place restrictions on what my heart feels
Cause heart and mind don’t see eye to eye
See I used to be on Ja’s
When I cry you cry tip
And I was the first one in line
For this unending roller coaster ride trip
Suffocating in this thing called relationship
But who was I relating with
Asphyxiated by drowning in caravans of quicksand
Stifled and tired of carrying the weight of us entirely
Maybe I’ll let it be
I feel like Cinque man, give us-“us free”

Picky, I am called now
For taking the time to peruse ways
And figure all intentions
Oh, not to mention
Looking through the eyes to the soul of a man
Though not tired of trying, Love
I am still a fan

My baby’s mother
Term used to describe me
Classifying me, derogatively
Term used by a man
To whom on his own 2 feet he can’t stand
A man who despises his seed
Yet, continues to breed
Expecting me to remain in one place
Quickly yelling he needs space
Cause he needs to find himself
No time for us
But always makes time for anything else
Constantly hollering he feels left out
Don’t know what being a father is all about
No child support yet needing clothes for court
Depending on me to be in his corner
To his seed he’s a foreigner
My baby’s mother
A phrase used by a man
Who can’t seem to stand
The seed he produced
Who won’t reduce his love for the street life
Taking hoochies for his wife
Rather live trife
Rather be free and neglect his responsibility
Blaming me, shaming me, steadily smoking blow
Claiming he loves us; yet, it fails to show
Reducing me to nothing
Placing me in the midst of drama
Oh yeah, I’m just his baby’s mama

These tears aren’t for you because you don’t deserve them
They are for me because I earned them
Breaking free involves examining one’s self
Being stress free is a choice regardless of color, creed or wealth
When I consider the things that I’ve lived through
I realize what love can make me do
I realize my strength and dedication
I realize the extent of your mental manipulation
I realized the effect of waiting in the wings
While you continually did your thing
Steadily putting me under scrutiny
Like I was the one who did not know monogamy
I have but one question and in my soul it itches
Its how many countless nameless *******
Have you let your manhood reside in their britches
Meanwhile your mood switches just as easily as the wind blows
Cause liquor and **** makes your heart bleed
Black blood, green envy, blind jealously
Seeking foolishly to control me with suspicions and accusations
Branded with heartache and pain like abrasions
I’ve never been one for control
But being pushed past my limit is like Chicken Food for the Soul
Cause I have to consider my life, my health, my sanity
At the brink of no return
I stare into the abyss and see all things about myself I miss
I see how life is passing me by
No matter what I do or how hard I try
It’s to no avail and every effort ends up in fail
This pain is too much for me to bare
It’s like my self-esteem, my confidence, my respect
It’s barely there and it makes me flee
I am too low on the totem pole
And like "X" I am at my rock bottom
“like ****, look at how a ***** gott’em”
So God here I am on bended knee, stretching out both hands
Cause I can’t take another second how I am
Father help me to get back to me and on the path to where I should be

I believe I met the devil
And he tried to **** me
No horns did he have
In fact on the contrary
He was fine
And even better he was mine
Or so I thought

Cause love grew even after
Years of waiting and all the debating
Of whether or not
I should let him partake of the goodies

He seemed to have waited
And after all the begging
I gave in and became engulfed
****, I became a fiend for lied in between
It was like a dream and I readily shared myself
And shared all I had cause he was my man
Or so I believed

Even through years of tears
And extreme paranoia
I couldn't break free
There was such an overwhelming presence
That had a hold on me

The devil, a chameleon
Whose colors change as the wind blows
Creative liar and deceptive
Adaptable to playing games
Cause he learned how to be a
Master magician to survive

Enter I who had the nerve to believe
Simply because I conceived
Leopards would lose stripes and choose me

Depressed and stressed
And so disillusioned
But under a hypnotic spell
Trapped in a living hell of mental torment
A sick parody
Cause the reality is
I'd never let someone run over me
Intentionally
How could this be
Better yet, where's the real me

Lost and confused
Chest compressed ****, how can I be blessed
Awakened by visions of years of bad decisions
Made my heart stricken as I pant for breath
Cause images of famine and death
Was much more than I could fathom
Life passing me by became my anthem
The subtle whispers of despair was introduced to me
And seduced me effortlessly

Caught in a web of drama and demise
Soul so vexed look in my eyes
Yet steadily believing I was a prize
And to my surprise I was just entangled in the web
With many other victims

I began to pray and ask God
To get me away
Free me from hexes and magical powers
That apparently had overpowered me

He reached in and saved me
And separated me and gave me
Fresh wind, better visions
And a new friend
He gave me  provision and I made a decision to stay free
And truly do what's best for me
And finally I can breathe without toxic air
Depression, grief or hopeless despair

I look back and realize I met the devil
And he tried to **** me and **** my dreams
But God is so merciful
By him I'm redeemed

Wdelany2014

From the very day you met the vibe was strong
Questions were answered right
Thank you Lord
For sending me true love this night

Used to feel we were a team
Like you had found a living dream
And no one could ever fathom
The type of love you had found
Couldn’t picture them not around
Cause the connection was so strong
And the feeling was so right
Shoot, everything seemed tight

So you gave all you could
What I have you have
Was the mentality
Never imagined what was happening actually
Cause in your mind the reality was this was meant to be
So it was all good

But the more that was given freely
Hardly none was given back
That negative transfer of energy
Got you feeling flat

Fighting to protect their name
From everyone pointing blame
And at the same time
Fighting against their frame of mind
Makes it hard to see the sunshine even on the sunniest day
And your mind replays echoes of better days
That seem like a distant memory
Taunting you saying “do you remember me”

Like the addict chasing the euphoria of their first high
Being a slave to memories makes you still try
Empty and broken you walk through life feeling vacant
Mentally ****** cause your whole perception’s been shaken
And the more they keep flaking you can feel your heart breaking
Into two, into eight, scrambled like the Harlem shake
You got decision’s to make

Either walk away or continue being prey
And learn how to pray so you can find your way
Because hurt and pain leave a hole
And it takes time to become whole
But that is the goal
First accept responsibility
Cause the greatest enemy is the inner me
So confront your role in your own demise
The gateway to the soul is through your eyes
So have yourself a few cries as your heart mourns
And your mind scorns with each replay
Remind yourself this is a new day

Next, forgive yourself and forgive that mate
Otherwise pain will always control your fate
And make you bitter
Remember hurt people hurt people
Don’t let the next one be a sequel
You are stronger, wiser and finally restored