You were my brother.  
My first best friend I could trust.
She told my secrets, I couldn't trust her.
I could trust you,
have fun with you,
be smart and nerdy with you.
I loved you.

I told you how I felt.
You told me how you felt.
Miscommunication and a bird talking in my ear
ruined us
I lashed out at you, you apologized.
Why didn't I realize?
Yes, you are my best friend.  I'm sorry.  Don't leave now.
You didn't leave.

High School

You barely speak to me.
I am now uncool.
You are above me.
You mock me to your friends behind my back.
I convince myself that you would never....
I loved you.... you wouldn't.... would you?

Senior Year

Your best friend mocks me
cyberbullies me
nearly kills me by my own self-inflicting hand.

But what is this?
You could have stopped him
But I wasn't worth your pride.
You couldn't tell him no.
So I nearly gave up my life
Out of self loathing.

You were my brother.
I loved you.  
You wanted to love me.
Why did you do this.

******* Benson.  I have no brother.  And no love for you.

the thing about feelings
is that they change
yesterday,
  you may have been
   completely infatuated
    with someone  
     or entirely immersed
     in sadness,
   but that doesn’t mean
that’s how you feel now
or how you’ll feel forever
and i fear that people forget that,
  i fear we fail to remember
   that emotions are not permanent
    and maybe that’s why
     her stomach hurts
    when she thinks about
   the girls in his life
  before her
  or why i’m reluctant
   to share old poems
    because i don’t want anyone
     to think that’s how i feel today
    so maybe we should start asking
   “how are you?” more often
     and stop accepting
      the default “i’m okay.”
       and maybe we should start
      caring more about
    what people say now,
   instead of dwelling on
  words of the *past