Oh sly sweet sugar of a man
you make me feel at ease.

I find it in you,
comfort,
with a cross on your neck.
I never thought
you'd be in the church
because you're delectably *****
and taste of pure sin

You're so nice
and quaint
but bubbling
beneath
is a beast of a man
a rough brute of a boy

Oh sly sweet sugar of a man
you make me feel at ease

Did he make the politics of love?

Immaturity in both
he and I
I suppose
Different levels of the same
sticky sweet glue of childhood

I'm immune to change
or afraid
but he too had flaws
And now I'm stuck
with his
Politics of Love

"Olivia, you deserve much more, let me say"
and it's exactly what I needed
but he was exactly what I needed
through that year
and I don't regret a single moment
crying softly in his car
followed by bellows and sudden screams

His
Politics of Love
were gibberish in my ears
like German
rough and exciting
thought I could learn it
word by word
but I was struck by their gravity
and my stomach
couldn't keep

Fighting
was a neutral
a constant debate of my needs
not needed
in my eyes
but you were hungry for that taste
of real love
I suppose
not authentic to me

This was a democracy
that I had no say in

**** your politics
I'm done

Politics of Love

I still cry when I talk about you
Although I'm no longer 12
And I only think of you
once a week
At the most

You've ruined me
for every relationship
I'll ever have
And my love will never be
easy
or
beautiful
like a silk ribbon on the wind
but more comparable
to a kite in a hurricane

I'll only love
musicians
but it'll never be
practical enough
to last
and I'll live my life
searching-
for some
fragment of a dream
that you never set an example for

thanks dad

I'm jealous
of every girl that gets to find you
like I did
and gets to
experience
being
swept off her feet
like you did for me

It makes my stomach hurt
because there will be
no man
like you
in my life
again

I'm not saying I want you back
I'm not.
I'm saying that I'm jealous
of every girl
who gets to be yours
and has the sense to enjoy it
while she can
before she fabricates
faults
in her mind

know I still care

why do you think
I'm only in it for ***?

It is not the ***
whatsoever

I just want you to sleep beside me
when the nights are cold
and I'm feeling lonely
and way too old
for my age

I miss everything about you
but I don't miss the fights
and the hostility
and not being able to do
whatever

I guess there's no compromise with love

Hello there, once again
I'm back for an encore
My last show
a performance ***** or sorts

Why wasn't I content with what we had?

Your love was so ultimately pure and civil and it ran in steady streams flowing constantly through your heart.
Whereas I'm a leaky faucet who doesn't know when to stop or when to go and pays no sentiments to temperature and "little" things that make all the difference.

I think I need to learn to love. I still don't know how.

Please read this, and please know that I'm trying to figure myself out.

I'm not sure what I created
from this man
like a god

A monster I suppose
and a painful facade

I don't understand what I did
to make things this way
But I know I want them back
To how they were
replay

Back to October
Where love was so fresh
and so glimmering
and everything he did
was astounding

I didn't need anything else
but him

now the nights are so cold
when outside things are hot
and I keep telling myself
things are how they are not
and I've ******* myself over
for perfection
rejection of love

Who knows what's for best?
I can't talk to you
I feel as though I'd be weak in doing so
Maybe we just need a rest