Vivian

Vivian Nov 2012

You came to me so docile
Like a caterpillar on a leaf
But like that caterpillar,
You had full intention of
ripping me
apart
with your
teeth

And you offered up some ****
and I gave in with naivety
though I was already high
you watched me
oh
so
steadily

Then you pounced
I couldn't flee
Immobile me
couldn't push
you far
but I said a few
stops
and
nos
and
please don't Charlie
but you kept
on going
persistant

Persistance is key
they say
Well
**** that
I say

You degraded me that night
You
***** me
that night.

I'm never going to accept a sorry.

Vivian Nov 2012

Drown

I woke up this morning
with a forgotten last night

I approached the trumpets
with tears in my eyes

And he comforted me
and apologized

But I still don't remember
a thing about last night

you know, it kind of feels like I'd been swimming for a long time, choking on water and flailing for hours, exhausted, and then I finally reached safety, and now I'm just breathing. that's what it feels like.

I seriously don't know
and I don't want to

Vivian Nov 2012

Hungry

If an adjective could describe me
it'd have to be hungry
for obvious reasons
cause I ******* love my food
but for poetic reasons
cause I often elude

I have hungry ears
and a hungry soul
and I'm so **** hungry
you don't even know
but you do
cause you can see it in my eyes
My hunger is that fleck of white,
that element of surprise

I have a hungry mouth
and a hungry mind
and I'm so **** hungry
and I'm so **** blind
cause I want and I need
and I grasp and I touch
I'm hungry for life
and I crave oh so much

Hungry
is my middle name
Hungry
has always been the game
I play
with minds
like meanings of names
dynamic and static

Hungry
Feed me

Vivian Nov 2012

*

I can smell you in my hair-
Take me home
But not here,
That's not home.
Home is my temple resting on your collarbone.

Home is your eyes
in the light of your car
and the moonlight
sweetly singing
and a static in the air.

I could listen to you talk for hours on end.

Vivian Oct 2012

Happy?

I build this face
this shell
this shield
I build this wall
Upon this field
You stab
and pick
and pluck
away
my skin
is raw
my voice
breaks.

To the boys who scrutinized my every move,
I hate you.
I wasn't myself for the longest time.

Kids mock,
I know,
They point
and laugh
but I was degraded
and destruction
came soon after that.
Only kids
only words
only stupid little things
that led to my undoing
of my personal string.

I attempted, did you know that?
But of course you didn't.
You know nothing about me.
And you don't want to.

It's guys like you that made me try to **** myself,
Happy?

Vivian Oct 2012

Alone at your funeral

Alone at your funeral
Outside
My breath,
shaky,
and warm.
The wind,
cold,
and heartless.

I saw you by my locker
Days before
My eyes,
diverted,
but stared.

I know your hells
Please don't **** yourself
I know you so well
Just give me the chance to-
And there goes the church bells.

Fragments of you
follow me through
this
****** up school.
I think of 6's and 7's
and I think of you
and if you liked IB
or if you thought it was ****
I wish you could tell me.

Help me, Chalyce.
Cause we're so alike
that it scares me
that I'm going to be
just like you
Cause I can see it happening
it's in my dreams
I die in my dreams
I'm not alive in my dreams
at least I don't cry in my dreams
I'm scared.

How did you make it through your EE?
and CAS?
and did TOK excite you
and remind you of being high
and that smoking is a therapy
and that the world spits out lies
and we know more than we bargained
and it kills us inside?

I'd love to speak to you
one last time

So that's why I stood
in the cold
all alone
because I know you Chalyce
Don't
Let
Go
Dear Chalyce,
Give me a
Point
Proof
Explanation
Give me a demonstration.
Chalyce?

Vivian Oct 2012

help

help
I've fallen and I can't get up

I put blind trust in you
the fibres of your shirt
the slight smirk
on your clever face

help
I'm shaking and I can't see straight

But these things are normalities
they happen too often
no caution
and I'll just be another fatality

help
I'm in love and I can't get out

I'm shrinking into a pit
of a peach like heart
torn apart
by the hungry lips of my suitor