I was told not to move
Or my father will disprove
I must improve or remove
The reason why I need to prove

The cold was frigid
making every statued human rigid
The was block was human grided
As if the town was knitted

The fire raged
But I was caged
The men from the houses rampaged
But there I was, unpaged

I can't function without music. If I had no access to it, I would go insane. I'm not saying this to be relatable or funny or ironic; it becomes a problem sometimes. When my phone dies or my MP3 dies, I can't go for my walks because I won't be able to without music. I can't walk down a street without my headphones in. Hearing my own footsteps or a distant car scares me. The sound of my breathing gives me anxiety. When I don't have access to music, I get anxious and can sometimes have panic attacks. I can only focus when I have music playing, but it can also distract me. I can't write without music. If anybody else has this problem, pleas reach out to me. Because I can't live without music.

I've talked about this before, but I feel like I need to talk about this some more. I am constantly daydreaming; always. I'm talking to you? In my head I'm fighting a dragon? I'm in a job interview? I'm in the middle of a drug cartel gang war. It's not always pretty and nice, sometimes it kills people, not real people, but personalities all the same. My worlds are developed and my characters are diverse. Right now I'm thinking about my favourite book series, Percy Jackson, and how I would interact with the characters. Or sometimes how I would interacts with real people; celebrities, musicians, YouTubers, and even my family and friends. It's hard for me to focus on anything that's not in my head.

I'm completely disconnected from reality and real people. It's sometimes hard to tell if I made up that conversation I had with my sister or if it really happened. I can't leave my house because I need to distract myself, because as soon as I walk, my mind is gone.

Music is a big trigger, the radio could be playing any song in any store and I'll start to think. I loose myself in my mind, sometimes even incorporating the music into the dreams. Even now it's so hard to stop myself from wandering off into who the Hell in the world is reading this. What is your story? Why are you here? I don't know, but I'll think about it. TV shows, movies, videos, books, music, conversations, interactions, thoughts, memories; anything can trigger me.

I won't lie, it fuels my writing, it helps me be creative and right my dreams into reality; to make my mind into my life; to make my characters real. This is why everyday, for at least 30 minutes, I go to my local park, and I swing on the swings. My headphones are in, music blasting, world tuned out, and this is where my mind runs free. I can feel angry, sad, happy, euphoric, and even terrified with my characters. Sometimes it even causes me anxiety attacks, times of depressions, but also mania. In my head, I'm someone else, with other people, different friends, different family, different life.

My life is completely in my head and I don't know what to do about it.

Where are you?
I cannot see
Are my eyes open?
You are bot here

Shut the blinds
The night is too bright
My fears are screaming
My chest is tightening

Why aren't you here?
Is it because I took your eyes
and sewed them to my hands?

There's a corner in my bedroom
Engulfed in shadow
Energy is nowhere

There's a demon in my bedroom
It hides in corners
No light to be found

Close the door
Turn on the light
Put the covers on
The demon is watching

Trust the people
who are silent
they hear the best stories
For they are the most observant.

Sometimes,
there is nothing more destructive
than a woman's voice
and a man's fist
to a child's scream

You have not taught them
how to speak
so they just scream

What all they know
is the mirror
that shows black eyes
and the sadness in their hearts

What all you've taught them
is the face
that shows evil demons
and the madness in your tongue

You must teach them
the beautiful flowers
that smell like heaven
and the window panes
that lead to unknown worlds

Or they will become
the monster you are
because, sometimes
there is nothing more vicious
than the anger of mouths
and the blood of faces

That is all they know