sadness is more
than just a tear
you wipe away

i would give
most anything
to be by your side
just one more time

she's always depressed
and for one reason
he's not here
and never will be
so her tears fall
smudging her mascara
and blinding her eyes

i wish you would
come back
because i miss you
more than anything

i feel like crying
but i'm not
only on the inside

as the raindrops fall
upon my window
and i think of you
my vision becomes blurred

i like to write about
everything that
reminds me of you

sometimes
i put on my earphones
and turn my music on
playing all the sad songs
that remind me of you
and i cry until i cannot
sometimes
i wish you'd just return
and love me once again

sometimes i regret
that i ever fell
in love with you
but then i realize
i am grateful for
the time i had to
spend with you
and for the painful
memories i have made

i keep thinking
about you
and loving
everyday of my life
i miss you

i keep wishing
you were here
but you never
will be and that
is what hurts
that is what cuts
so very deeply
when will you
come back, love?
oh, that's right
you never will

that familiar
scent of coffee
reminds me of you
and how much
i miss not seeing you
will you ever come back?

my love never
ever died for you
even when yours
died for me
i still miss you
and love you
please come back

why did you
leave me all
alone?
you've gone
away without
even saying bye
how could you?
but, never mind
it doesn't matter
i'll secretly miss
you dearly though
and love you with
all of my heart

i know it's hopeless
but i still wish
you would come back
i miss you so much

i have stopped
cutting but
i haven't stopped
hurting inside
my heart is still
broken

i keep crying
my eyes sting
from the salt
no i don't cut
anymore
but i cry
i cry
bitter tears
all of them
i cried for you

sometimes
i just wish
you'd simply
love me again
but i guess it
won't ever
happen
it's too
late

how come no matter
how hard i try
the pain never
goes away?

finally home
from school
such a relief
to be away from
those mean girls
and boys
who forever
pick upon me
just because
i am different

the wounds
on my wrists
are healed
where i used
to cut
now can i just
heal my heart too?

you always
remind me of
a puzzle piece
i can never quite
figure you out

all the wishing
i do doesn't
seem to do any good
because you are gone
you left me forever
goodbye, love
i hope you're happy
because i'm not

my wrists
spill blood
just like my pen
spills inky words
onto my notepad

tonight i think
i'll just fall asleep
thinking of you
and let your voice
blend into my dreams
i miss you, darling

scarred hands
grip the pencils
while tears trickle
down my cheeks
and wet the paper
my slanted eyes
are blind with
the tears i've cried
darling, you made
my heart bleed

everything about you
your eyes piercing mine
your glares in response
to my warm smiles
made me bleed inside
when i go home at night
and think of you
i sit in my bedroom
with my razor in hand
and start cutting
little beads of blood appear
to me it's just a red liquid
to others it signifies pain
to me it means relief
from pressure and stress
it's one of the only times
i can disappear
from my familiar surroundings
and vanish into a world
without pain

pain
intense pain
is felt
when blood
trickles down
my cracked lips
yet the pain i
experience daily
from my broken heart
hurts one hundred
times more
than the blood
that gushes
from my lips
or my arms

those words
they cut like
a blade deep
into my heart
into my very soul
those words
they made me
cry aloud inside
the darkness of
my lonely room
at midnight
those words
linger in my mind
for days and days
there is no way
to possibly erase
all the cruel things
you've said about me
those words pierce me
they pierce my very core
and they will always hurt me
but the worse thing is
that you never ever
took them back
you never said
you were sorry
not even once

hands clutching
pencils with
a firm grip
bent over my
black notebook
and suddenly
i find myself
thinking about you
and i cannot help
but cry right now
the tears keep falling
but i brush them away
and try my very best
not to show my
inner struggle
my battle of pain

after all my feelings
of being hurt
and broken
feeling like i'm
all alone
after weeping
in my bedroom
no one knows or cares
after all i have been through
i finally don't feel a thing
i am beginning to feel numb

you said
you loved me
and i know that
it isn't true
if you ever say
that again
i'll know now
not believe your lies
ben, i loved you
and still do
i just don't want
to loose you
all over again
goodbye, ben
remember that
i love you
from the bottom
of my heart

yesterday
i went rummaging
through a box of photos
i happened to accidentally
find a photo of your
most handsome profile
i nearly threw up
the thought of seeing you
made me feel sad
and made me feel
like throwing up
tonight i think
i'll burn that picture of you
along with any other
photos of us or you
i hate thinking about it
and how you made me happy
leave me, ben
i remember how
i loved you
yet you hurt me
go away!
i never want
to see
your photo again
ever

afraid of the dark
afraid of you
afraid of pain
i'm afraid of everything
and i most assuredly am
afraid of you
and how you hurt me
i am not going
to let it happen
again

why is it
that fear always
finds a reason
to embrace me
even when i
hope it doesn't?
i hate fear
but it seems
to like me
it can't get away
from me
no matter how
hard i try
i finally give up
and give in
to fear

the tears keep falling
sometimes i don't
even know why
i just keep on crying
i weep sometimes
and cry until i can't
sadness always hurts

you threw me
across the room
and yelled at me
immediately pain
was felt on my back
and sides of my waist
you picked me up
and threw me again
my head hit the gray wall
i put my hand to the back
of my head
after a few minutes
i withdrew my hand
it was covered in rich red blood
i had a sickening feeling
in my stomach
and i felt like throwing up
why do you have to be
so mean to me, Mom
especially when i love you
and you treat me terribly?
what did i do wrong?

you broke my wings
and stole my voice
you made me stiff
and ever so cold
the light in my
once happy eyes
has faded
and now my eyes
are hollow and dark
my skin is yellowed
by the teeth of time
feelings dark
and sickening
you were mean
to have left me, baby
now i have no one
and i'm left alone
with these sad
dark thoughts
darling, you
broke my wings

you left me
pushed me
out of your way
you left me
and me weep
i cried and cried
and you didn't
even care about it
you never came back
just to comfort me
and to tell me it's okay
just go away
i don't care either
even though
i secretly do care
just go away
and leave me alone
since that is what you want
i loved you
but you didn't love me back
it doesn't matter to you
but it matters to me
just go away please
goodbye, my love

i have been feeling depressed
these last few days
i don't know what to do
because i'm drowning in sorrow
my days of happiness are forever gone
i don't know what to do
the light has vanished
from my slanted eyes
i'm sinking further into depression
i can feel it nearly choking me
i have a sickening feeling
in the pit of my stomach
i am feeling so very depressed
these days and i can't take it no more
i'm literally trapped inside of depression
and i cannot find my way out again
help me someone help me please
i don't know what to do
i'm drowning in depression
and heartache
help me
or will this be
my final goodbye?

the smile
that i daily try
to plaster on my face
isn't genuine
it's done out of pain
i force myself
to appear to others
like everything's okay
even when it's not

to see you again
would be both
sad and happy
it would remind me
of what i couldn't have
i don't think
i'd even want
to see you again
it would be too painful
for me
and i know
i'd end up in tears
because right now
i'm crying
just thinking about it
no, i don't want
to see you again
ever

sometimes
all i want to do
is curl up
with a mug
of green tea
to just relax
and take it easy
if but for a few minutes
to cast all my
worries aside
just to have
a few minutes
of peace and
relaxation
just to have a quiet time
without depression
or a broken heart
how i long
just a few minutes
without stress
or emotional pain
just one time
please

sadness comes
tugging at my heart
dark thoughts
make me cry
as i remember you
just thinking about you
makes me sit up in bed
and weep until the tears
won't come anymore
broken cries and tired screams
well into the night
will no one understand the pain?
does no one even care?
dark thoughts
last well into the night
and i keep crying
weeping and wailing
out my intense pain

i have been
through so much
pressure in life
that i just
feel weak
and sick
and sad
i just feel
miserable
my body
tells me
to give up

when you left
you left me all alone
because every from
my real life
doesn't care
they never
understand
never offer support
i have no shoulder
to cry on
you were my only shoulder
but i had no reason
to cry when you
were here
it was only when you left
that i felt alone
betrayed
and depressed
goodbye, my love

i hurt so much
i could scream
and when my family
goes shopping
and leaves me here
all alone
i do scream
let out all my pain
i hurt secretly inside
everybody cares but you
and it's so painful
i wail and wail
i weep and lament for you
but then i remember
you don't care
and i scream
scream it out
scream out all my pain
it makes me feel better
but leaves me weak
and it's all thanks to you
because you left me
all alone
and no one understand
because it seems
no one cares
in my real life
or they don't want
to care
because they offer
no understanding
and so
i scream
scream it out
i yell until my lungs hurt
because i scream
i scream out all of my pain
while tears course down
my red cheeks
and fall to my jeans
the tears keep falling
from my slanted eyes
and sweat moistens
my black hair

you don't
care anyway
so what's
the point in living?
since you're not here
you wouldn't even know
or care to know
if i died
so what is the point
in even trying to live?

no one cares
that i hurt inside
no one seems to care
about the pain i hide
no ones ever cared
it would be much better
if i just died

i missed you
when you died
you kept me
from feeling lonely
when i needed a friend
you were there
to lick my face
or wag your tail
your eyes tenderly
looking into mine
i miss you
or was this just
some bad nightmare?
a nightmare so alive
that i believed it was real?
no it wasn't
it was just cold reality
when death took you
away from me
leaving me alone
farewell to your
happy woofs