those words
they cut like
a blade deep
into my heart
into my very soul
those words
they made me
cry aloud inside
the darkness of
my lonely room
at midnight
those words
linger in my mind
for days and days
there is no way
to possibly erase
all the cruel things
you've said about me
those words pierce me
they pierce my very core
and they will always hurt me
but the worse thing is
that you never ever
took them back
you never said
you were sorry
not even once

hands clutching
pencils with
a firm grip
bent over my
black notebook
and suddenly
i find myself
thinking about you
and i cannot help
but cry right now
the tears keep falling
but i brush them away
and try my very best
not to show my
inner struggle
my battle of pain

after all my feelings
of being hurt
and broken
feeling like i'm
all alone
after weeping
in my bedroom
no one knows or cares
after all i have been through
i finally don't feel a thing
i am beginning to feel numb

you said
you loved me
and i know that
it isn't true
if you ever say
that again
i'll know now
not believe your lies
ben, i loved you
and still do
i just don't want
to loose you
all over again
goodbye, ben
remember that
i love you
from the bottom
of my heart

yesterday
i went rummaging
through a box of photos
i happened to accidentally
find a photo of your
most handsome profile
i nearly threw up
the thought of seeing you
made me feel sad
and made me feel
like throwing up
tonight i think
i'll burn that picture of you
along with any other
photos of us or you
i hate thinking about it
and how you made me happy
leave me, ben
i remember how
i loved you
yet you hurt me
go away!
i never want
to see
your photo again
ever

afraid of the dark
afraid of you
afraid of pain
i'm afraid of everything
and i most assuredly am
afraid of you
and how you hurt me
i am not going
to let it happen
again

why is it
that fear always
finds a reason
to embrace me
even when i
hope it doesn't?
i hate fear
but it seems
to like me
it can't get away
from me
no matter how
hard i try
i finally give up
and give in
to fear