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 May 2013 Vinod Padarat
R
It's four o'clock in the morning and I should be far away from this bed
in the land of dreams where anything can happen

Yet I still lay here, replaying your words in my head over and over again
and memorizing each dreadful sentence you spoke

You are a writer, and I guess that I am too
but my thoughts can't pour down onto paper half as well as yours do

Not only can you write though
heck, you can even talk

I've listened to you speak of your hopes and dreams, your past and sorrows
and to be quite honest, it didn't matter what you spoke of

Because every single word flowed out of your mouth so beautifully that I was mesmerized
even if they were words that I didn't want to hear

I... just don't think we're right for each other at this point in time.
Don't you understand? Don't you feel the same way?

Of course I understand.

I knew all along that I would never be good enough for you
a person of such beauty, such wisdom, such potential

I think you're beautiful and have so much potential for greatness but I don't think you see it.

Beautiful?
I am not beautiful

I am scared
scared of life and everything in it

I am empty
my heart feels as if it has shrunk down to nothing and I'm numb

I am unworthy
there is not another human being on this earth who could ever be satisfied with someone like me

I'm sorry.

Now, with the tears pouring down my face
I realize that I hate myself

I hate myself for never being good enough
or smart enough, or beautiful enough

But most of all
I hate myself for knowing that I deserve this

*Goodbye...
What a ****** night.
Warm water around my ankles
I watch the waves sink in then slither away
I watch the moon rise before the day
Watching the stars rip their way into the sky
These battle scars, I wait for them to fade
While watching the moon rise and the sun set
Everyday
Yet the scars only stay
I wish I could stop for how much it hurts
How much shame weighs on me
How disgusted I feel
Like I let you all down
Like I let myself down
Like I'm never going to change
Like they might never fade away
Like I lost this fight
These are the times I wish
*I could fade into the night
The skies are dark
And my heart is sad
My screams echo
And only make the neighbors mad
My tears mean nothing
The never did
Slowly they unravel
My feeling I hid
I am bare
Before the crowd
This pain won't cease
And the roars are loud
I'm falling faster
Than I have before
I pray you save me
Before they seal the doors
Can you hear me?
I'm screaming loud
Can you hear me?
Above the crowd?
Please I lay here
Unshakle me
I'm dying slowly
As you watch me bleed
I'm not a monster
Though I feel I am
Because any things better
Than being human
Will you be the one
To free my heart
Will you be the one
To put together the torn apart
Will you be the one
Who never let's me go

Can you be the one
Who can love when I'm not strong
Can you be the one
To show what's right and wrong
Can you be the one
Who cares when no one else does

I will be the one
Who lookis into your eyes
I will be the one
To give you a heart that never dies
I will be the one
That will give you the hand to help you up
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