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By herself in the dark with nothing at heart,
being so smart only plays a small part.
Take it back to start and place your mark
on the people, the faces, the parties, the places.
Tighten up your laces, we got a few more bases
but she's stuck in that stasis.
Memories fade like a fragrance
so of course the pain gets
too much to handle.
Too much flame and not enough candle.
Burn bright and burn hot
for everything we've fought.
All that you've sought is the only thing I've got.

Beyond an open book
they're just pages on the floor,
you can give 'em a look
if you know what you're searching for
there's a fine line between flowing and bleeding,
an even thinner one between knowing and believing
and **** near none at all between showing and deceiving


Every rose has its thorn but she's just a dandelion
so I blew her mind
to watch her thoughts start flying.
It's all water under the bridge now,
but I'll throw you off and burn that bridge down.
I don't want you to drown...
just want to see if your ability to sink or swim kicks in.
I only took your breath away to watch you suffocate,
but I keep hearing you wheezing
like your barely even breathing.
So deceiving,
are you walking away?
Or just leaving?

Forever is the word he tagged on the walls in her mind,
so she walked those halls
with a bucket of paint thinner and hand full of time.
Her walls are too thick too strong with all that brick
maybe a lil acid will do the trick.
But he only came equipped
with some elbow grease and lil bit of spit...
The voice in his head whispered
"Now get to work kid"
So he did;
and never learned when to quit.
what i miss about you
is the things we never got to do.
i miss the way you ran your fingers
through my hair,
tucking it behind my ear sometimes.
i miss how you would have held me,
and never let me go.
i miss sitting on your roof
and watching the stars,
and then drinking coffee while
we snuggled in your blanket
and watched the sunrise.
i miss watching the sunset
on your beach,
all colors of the rainbow
flashing in our eyes.
what i miss is everything you
told me we could do,
but never got to.
or everything i dreamed to myself.
i guess what i'm trying to say is,
i don't miss the real you at all.
i think.


9/2/10.
the church bell rang.
and that's when she saw it.
her tree was gone.
it rang again.
her loss was accompanied by a rush of silence.
only distant sounds of traffic.
a train.
accompanied again by a rush of memories.
one kiss, another's laugh.
fitting perfectly into the trunk,
feeling more comfort than ever before.
her heart inside of the tree's.

and she was left with nothing.
2/2/11.
it's **** but so is losing your home.
one day you'll learn how to place your fingertips in all the right places.
to be able to smile and whisper to them and say words
that maybe your heart doesn't mean,
but it just rolls off the tongue.
you'll learn to hurt others, rather than them hurting you.
or worse, you hurting yourself.
you'll learn to touch up the bleeding mascara before
applying the lipstick you'll stain him with.
you'll learn, dear.
you'll learn.
4/4/11.
It doesn't mean a thing
Just kiss me, come here hold me close
Hold my hand, I wanna feel your skin
I need you, to want me
Your kiss brings me to my knees
Cause you know just what to do
To make me want you
Theres no boundaries with you
I can let go and be myself
I don't have to be anyone else
Yet you don't make me explain myself
It doesn't mean a thing
We'll forget about it in the morning
But tease eachother about it tomorrow
I want you, to hate me
Feel the pain beneath my skin rising up
Scratching and biting
You make my head spin
But not in the way I'm used to feeling
Not overthinking, it doesn't matter
You're not like anyone else
We have an understanding, just kiss me
It doesn't mean a thing
Got an issue? I can fix it.
Broken heart? I mend those too
But when you’re done and fly away
don’t take a piece of me with you

Just once I’d like someone to fix
the one that’s left behind
The one from way back yesterday
who was honest, true and kind

Who took the time to listen
to all you had to say
on who’s shoulder you shed many tears
in whose heart you live today

You see I have a secret
it’s that I am broken too
but thoughts of me get pushed aside
and replaced by thoughts of you

But if the past repeats itself
I know I’d do it all again
Even if the price for selflessness
is solitude and pain.
Will I ever be the one
who gets to hold you tight
Will I ever be the one
to hear your last goodnight
Will I ever be the one
who’s hand you gladly take
Will I ever be the one
next to whom you wake
Will I ever be the one
that holds you when you cry
Will I ever be the one
that never hears goodbye
Will I ever be the one
to whom you give yourself
Will I ever be the one
in sickness and in health
Will I ever know the reason
that our paths were meant to cross
Will I ever know the gain
that is someone else’s loss

Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
http://twitter.com/athomashawkins
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