I skipped class along with pretty much everything else
that I probably really needed to get going to do today~

just to write this thing down, my terrible handwriting
writing intellectual notes with no luck involved, the more
my hand feels like cracking like the bricks of the walls
to the fence I lean on when I'm keen on a cigarette
still here, still here, still here, what words
go after still here, was it after all these days
was it after all these years, were there any second
chances involved or excuses as to why I'm still stuck
in this city hung up and being irresponsible
I'm having a meltdown, I'm writing words on a piece of paper
you'll never read this or the others I've written
being in a house miles and miles away from me
and my friends don't get it because they've never gone
through it, uphold the status quo and all that
proper weird, wired on coffee, sleepless nights
and I really don't want to throw a dress on and dance
with my friends tonight I'd just look pathetic now

what am I even writing right now

Daytime,
The hood of your car is warm
and I'm laying on it like feeling like
swimming in the sky, eyes kissing and
drinking in the blue so vast and azure
I just keep repeating myself, distracting myself
with the same lines, complex is kind of a side
never shown much like your make-up and dress
you did in the make-up in a hurry but you're a mess
before the date tonight

Night time,
The cotton of your shirt feels weird
on my skin when I wear it to remember you
nights I don't remember but at least I can replicate them
enough for a nice repeat, sneak out the window
watch the stars and ditch the non-existent
comfort of my broken home
and my heart is pounding at a matching beat per minute
to the jams blaring on the radio
my seductive tone falls on deaf ears anyways so
I just let the music play onwards and upwards
thinking I should go too

I am forever lost among the boys riding bikes
under an orange sunset
On the concretes next to the spires
and the old shingled rolling roofs
to this sparsely populated plaza,
mid-afternoon of Winter
in another hour it'll be dark and rainy
we can taste it in the air
but now I am alone in abandon
singular light casts a singular shadow
because they are no longer with me
I think it's meant to be this way when we grow old~
At least that's how it's always been