i still miss you
your hateful words
the way you made me feel
when you told me my problems didnt matter
when you blocked me for telling you i was depressed again
blocked me for saying i cut again
but hey
i still miss your scratches
your slaps
when you dug you fingers nails so deep in my arm i could swear you
hit bone
when you emotionallt abused me
mentally manipulated me
until i thought you were holy
but i still miss you
and i will still
take you back

the hardest part of getting better

is the wieght gain

Define me
put me in a box
and tell me who i should be
if i can't fit in **** me
please **** me
this acking
from being different
of feeling whole
then being left in pieces
its left me weak
its left me more than empty
its left me a black whole
******* in the joy of whoever wants to be near me
now everyone fears me
so define me
because i don't wanna live this life of dieing

why is it only now
that I realize my friends
are your friends
who just tolerated me

why is it only now
that I realize
you where the only  person I had
literally  my everything

why is out only now
when you leave me
that I realize
I was always

*alone

i kinda think im over it
i reread my poems and they seem preposterous
i dont understand the big deal about it
you left me
and?
im alone
so?
the need for your presence is dimineshing
i no longer need you to abuse me to feel happy
the notion is insane
so i think it's ok to say
im over it

i didn't do it for you
i lied for me
all the hurt i gave you
wasnt meant for you
it was for me

*so give it the **** back

life is to beautiful to dwell on the sad things
things are to promising to focus on the past
there is a future.for you
dont waste it on what happened before
move forward
because you're worth so much more

Love
Being able to **** yourself for someone else
waking up wondering about if they ate
before you realize your hungry
would give your happiness to see thier smile
thier smile
Love
being caught ina place where you would rather see yourself fail
then them feel a glimsp of sadness
you would do anything to save them
from thier own reality
Love
unrecognizable by you
you dont understand the way that I care for you
I still call it love
because it is
and i dont pretend we never felt it
that i didnt feel it
you didnt feel it?
the pain we felt when the other one was hurting
the impact of our words on the others life
the lack of tolerance of the other person in pain
I still cant see you in pain
Love
is what it was
We will always have a spot in eachothers heart
whether you admit it
or not

I never realized you could fall out of love
i thought it was just an excuse
for divorced people
who never loved in the first place
did we love in the first place?
I didnt know you could stop caring about me
I didnt know I could stop caring about you
did i stop caring about you
Have i stopped caring
since when did i ever want to not talk to you
since when did we not want to be together
since when did your presence scare me
when did we scare eachother
when did us become a we
when did we seperate
I dont understand why we didnt stay with eachother
why we couldnt understnad eachother
why we couldnt be
BFF's
but even that was a lie
because Im not sure
you where ever really my friend
my friend
are you my friend?
are you still there for me?
maybe you wont be
maybe we arent
maybe
maybe you still love me
but only if i could believe in that lie
because you told me
you no longer care about my fragility
you no longer care if im broken
you no longer care im hurting
you no longer
want to be next to me
we no longer will be
I'm sorry
but why
I'm the only one crying
when you are smiling
because you told me
the truth set you free
but it captivated me
now im stuck in a rut
stuck in a cage'
when i cant escape
I cant stay
in this charade
you broke my happiness
I can no longer last in this
you kept me in the shade
only to bring me to light
at the worst time
tell me im not wanted
when you where the only person i thought wanted me
as soon as i accepted I wasnt alone
you left me
you see
you made me get better just to send me back where i came from
what type of love
and you have the audacity to act
as if this will hurt you
as if you didnt do anything wrong
as if im over exaggerating
as if your better than me
your not better than me
just because i learned how to take down my walls in front of you
does not make me weak
It makes me stronger
than you
just because you saw the sad side of me
thats not all there is
I showed you I was fragile
but thats it
you wont see past what you think I am
to see thats not me
you wont see
Nina see me
you keep yourself in the dark
pushed us apart
so you can be alone
its not me its you
its not you its me
its not us anymore
there is no longer us
bff?
*******
your just another person who took advantage
of my weakness
your just as bad as them