i often wonder
if i'll remember
in the morning,
how i cried with
passion battered
against my chest
like a child,
i can't cradle it
much longer

dust
turns red
through my eyes,
maybe if i dream
just a little longer
i'll smile longer too,
some days i get tired
throwing phrases
against my throat
hoping they'll
escape

i've always been
fascinated
by tear stains
the way they track
my mascara through
years of freckles,
i never knew i had
this many
until now

our bodies
lying hot
between the
concrete and
the sky, whisper
windows of silence
through flowers
wilting against
my skin, i knew
a destruction
you could feel
in the scrape
of my nails
on your back

and this dream,
it's no better
than the rest of them
i've always feared
forgetting
the most important
things, but this
is more important
than anything
i have ever known

this flash between
your teeth, i don't know
what forever is, what
it means against
the sunset, you spoke
these words and it
crushed me, my heart
is beating, but it's frail
the fight within its chambers
is slowly beating out to sea

the ocean never
called to me
like some girls,
i wanted to feel
the rain on my skin
without being pulled
into the undertow,
this breathing love
between our chests --

i don't know if it works
the way you wish it would
my words they tangle
into knots on the way
from my mouth into yours
and i never knew
your breathing the way
i wanted to, i've never seen
you breaking the way that
you saw me that night

your parted lips
pull
against my teeth,
and i wonder
why i always bite
instead of breathing,
why i hurt instead of
loving, why these lungs
don't fight for every breath,
they only fight when they're
close to dying out

i want to watch
you sleep, i hope you
take that the right way
i want to walk on an earth
where your arms can heal
and your mouth can cut
me open, i want to feel
more than i am feeling
i want to dance
for hours, i want to drink
and hear you laugh
in the dark of night
when nothing matters
except your eyes

your eyes,
they capture me
like butterflies
pinned to papers,
i wish i had wings
to beat against
your cheek, that way
i could tell you
everything
and i know
you'd understand

Dear heart

stop taking things so
seriously,

I have three fourths a
mind that likes how you're around and
a stuck twenty five bent on
shutting you down before
inside (and I'm trying) out loud with
count to two, one is familiar but
(water thinks) so are you after the
rain comes and white-washes us
clean

but white isn't neat, who says red isn't
true and the two next-best colors aren't
yellow and blue? It appears as though
wisdom (seen through a blank lens) is
only now starting to shift shades and
blend in the hues of the thoughts of the
heart's hidden song

to think some folks can't find
a place to belong!

When it's time to leave
and ashes blacken on overturned seats
from here it's uneven netting set at sea

When time has become astral
wan of anything unwanted
like this being  long exhausted

Here I've seen things
in hungry moments
and  the sun was lost
from creating tears
unto fallen leaves

This is black autumn, my black autumn coming
when every little twig and soil harbor neglect

I do not know how far I must see...
my blurred edges
cropped from heavy falling feet
how can it be that you are lost

My little me?


For love I did not harbor
For love I did not live
For love is no place
In arenas where beings play rabid

Continued is this unending drone
from a time no one knows
then I grew to be merely hindered
for there is nothing that faulty lines can mend

your words make me
ache as far as a torch
stretched between murky-
blank pages

do not wait to scrawl your
truths until heavy resignation
creeps over my head like
a dark shawl

do not wait -
                         - I miss
                         everything and nothing
                         and (god
                         **** it)

the philosopher was right in
assuming a search for completion
leads only to a sort of frustrated
compassionate silence,
                                           so
                                      tired of being tired of growing
                                      weary with assumptions,
                                      mad libs of the spirit, only
                                      fill in the line with whatever
                                      you dream might be,  


              no


let me know you, the real
uncensored and true
(I can love) you

I feel like a child being spelled at
to keep the F-I-L-I-B-U-S-T-E-R for
adult ears only but even though
I admit the fact
                           - I know next to nothing
my heart desperately
wishes to know
you, everything.

Why do we hurt others?
Is it because we've been hurt so many times?
Or because we want them to feel what we feel?
The anger that builds up inside us,
Is it there because we don't let it out?
Or because it has no where to go?
Why does it give people pleasures when others pain?
Do we choose what we want?
Is this all just a game?
I like to keep it inside,
Turning me mad and weak.
What do you do with your hurt?
Is it something you seek?
Fine, hurt others the way you hurt yourself.
But when everyone is full of pain and anger,
There will be no one to ask for help.