I am a canvas of all my old lovers--


The ring I wear in my nose was given to me by a boy who hated life
He wiped my tears and promised to take away my fears
But I guess that was a lie because all he wanted was too die


The necklace I wear around my neck, in the shape of a pineapple, was given to me by a boy who's mother knew I loved him just by the way I looked at him
He said he didn't want me to be his anymore
He had trouble showing me what was in his heart
I hope the poem he wrote about me is still buried inside of him most nights
I hope he regrets leaving sunshine
Even though it never was divine
I miss him all the time
No one feels like home like he did


The scars I have on my thighs came from the time I tried to love a boy who never wanted me to get attached to him
He played my heart like his guitar



The bruises on my heart came from the first boy who ever called me beautiful, he molded my idea of a lover when I was young
But he chose great lakes over raging hurricanes
He chose a girl with a chubby face over my warm embrace


My trust issues first arose when the boy with curly fry hair told me not too worry about her.
But I should have worried
He said I was a sunflower
But then he drifted away with the wind

My fear of being naked with someone new first arose when the boy with an adrenaline rush told me speed was always more special than me. Distance drove him down different roads. None of them led to me. Highways and motors made his blood boil more than I ever could imagine. I wonder what else did.

And I am a canvas of all my old lovers

It’s almost the day when people confess their love for someone
And my heart still loves you
I stayed up until 4 am
Missing your touch
And I went all the way back to our beginning
I read all our old conversations and broke down crying on the bathroom floor
My sheets are different now but I still have the ones we made love in buried under my bed
And I went back  to our beginning tonight
I went back to the night you told me hours felt like minutes
I went back to the night you first told me you loved me
I went back to the night we finally made love
I went back to all those nights we spent laying in my bed
I wish you missed me like I miss you
I wonder if you even think of me still
Because I still miss you
I still miss having soft pecks outside science and all of our spots around school I walk by them all the time
And my music taste has changed since you left I like everything you used to love
And on the day everyone confesses their love I’ll be home alone, with no one to give my heart too.
Because It loves you.
(v.m)

It's been two months time and I ******* broke all over again
Because all I could hear was the sound of your laugh
and remember how you used to look at me like I was sunlight
AND ******* I ******* BROKE ALL OVER AGAIN TONIGHT
MISSING YOU AGAIN HIT ME LIKE A ******* HURRICANE TONIGHT
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS TIME AND I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOUR LIPS
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS TIME AND I STILL NEED YOU LIKE AIR
******* THE WIND WHISTLES YOUR NAME ALL THE TIME
AND EVERYONE I MEET MAKES ME MISS YOU
AND ******* I ******* BROKE ALL OVER AGAIN TONIGHT
I'M STILL WEARING THE NECKLACE YOU BOUGHT ME
AND I FINALLY LEFT THE HOUSE HOPING I'D RUN INTO YOU SOMEWHERE
I FALL ASLEEP WISHING OTHER PEOPLE WERE YOU
AND ******* IT HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK
I LOVE YOU
AND ******* I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR GONE
IT STILL FEELS LIKE A BAD DREAM
AND ******* I ******* BROKE ALL OVER AGAIN TONIGHT


(v.m)

It's been a week since I've written but that doesn't mean I've stopped crying
I cry inside a lot
I cry every time I think I'll pass you in the hall
And I cry every time I walk passed buildings where we shared so many things
Places are apart of how I miss you

In my bed my sheets still remind me of you
And every person I see never stops looking like you


Because even though your gone
You're still everywhere I look

(v.m)

Today at the table where you told me you'd try
I found the words of God
Like someone left me a note
Like I was meant to find those words of the ways to be alone
To find the ways to stopping missing you
And how to convince my heart to stop loving you
I have failed still
Because my heart still loves you
those words of the ways to be alone
Even though loving you was a blessing

And I sat and waited
I don't know what I waited for
Hoping you'd show up
At the table where you told me you chose me everytime
Despite all my crying
And I sat and I waited hoping you'd show up
But nothing happened
No one ever came
Not a devil
Not an angel
Not even you
However, I hope you still sit at that table and smile too
Smile and remember me
Remember me like the angels that sculpted the sky
Remember me like sunshine on your darkest of days
Remember how strong my love is

(v.m)

When it started, it started with a mop headed boy who whispered sweet love songs and told me he'd never walk away
After five years of falling at his feet
And pulling and pushing at his heart to love me too
He told me I was overbearing and walked away


Then it started again with a boy with glass frames and his acoustic best friend that documented his pain
He said he knew pain better than anyone
He was more broken then me
He ended up using me to try and heal his pain
As if my body was a book you could check out and return
He sung like a God but was the devil in disguise
He told me this was all my fault and walked away



When it started again it was winter time
He said I sounded sweet and my heart was a beautiful piece of poetry
But he stepped on my heart early on in the beginning
Waltzing back to an old lover he saw life with
He told me I wasn't the one and walked away



It started again in Summer
This boy was calm and sad
But told me I was a sunflower
despite all my storms
That lit up his gloomy world
He showed me his bruises
On his heart
He told me he wanted love, just not with me
He told me he wanted a family, just not with me
and walked away


When it happened again it was winter once more
Before he met me
He might've been dead
That's what he said
So I thought I saved him from himself
But even mountain tops couldn't make him feel alive
Neither could I
He said he was too sad to give me love back and then walked away


When it happened again it was Spring
He worked too much and hated distance
He had an addiction to driving down roads
It gave him adrenaline
Gave him a rush under his skin
Something I could never do
I gave him my innocence
Then he told he couldn't bare to love me with a workload
and then walked away



There's a boy with an Elvis comb over
He tells me I'm pretty and compares me to air
Says wearing your heart on your sleeve is for fools
He says that's how you get hurt
But if that's true, then I'm damaged goods I suppose
He looks like his mother and smells like vanilla
His dreams are so big and bold
But his mind was his greatest enemy
It convinced him loving me wasn't worth the risk
He told me he needs time alone
and then walks away

(v.m)

I remember the first night we spent in my bed together
And I remember I cried because I was so happy yet so terrified you would leave me at the same time
You said you weren’t going anywhere
You said you weren’t like them
You lied I guess


I still cry for you
I still remember the outline of your body left in my sheets
Pieces of you are still tangled between my heart
Everywhere
(v.m)