I saw a lot of you in him
I see a lot of him in you
His favorite color is green
And yours was red
His name is your name
And your name is his name
Only in spanish
Two different lovers of mine
Two languages
The two languages of how I learned to love
He was born in summer
So he was bright and beautiful
You were born in spring
You felt a lot like spring, did you know that?
You felt a lot
Like waking up
Like new life
I guess I should thank you for being around as long as you did
Even if it wasn't forever
Like I wanted
But I know I'll never stop missing you
It doesn't mean getting better
Because I won't be
It just means being
And I saw a lot of him in you
He was selfish
And cruel
And beautiful
And ******* smart
And a love like no other
-- Until I met you

And I saw a lot of you in him
You're strong
And brave and smart
And ******* ambitious

--
With dreams like light
Who knows if you'll miss sunshine
Who knows if you'll miss me
But I hope you will

(v.m)

I gave you a snowglobe
in it a picture of us
The first one we ever took together
I don't know if you remember but I do
I had them developed in November, around the time you started acting distant
When they came I put one in the globe
I wrote something on the back of each one

I put one in my car, buried so no one can find it except me
I sleep with one under my pillow
and two hidden in the bookshelf in my room
under all pages and pages of words I love
That's where I hid them
All photos and memories I ever had of you are buried deep inside my mind and my room
I saw you today and you look even better than all the pictures I ever had
Your voice still echos in my head right before bed
I stayed up until 3 am last night
and I'll do the same tonight
pouring rivers and rivers and floods for you
and screaming at god
screaming at nothing
screaming at nobody listening all over again
Night after night
Because I know this is just like the first time
So I know it won't end-- not really, never
if the only place I ever live with you is in the globe I gave you\
I hope you remember
penguins mate for life
Like that show I got you to watch at the beginning of all this
I hope things like that still make you smile
I know you might not want them, the things I got you
But if the only place I ever live with you is in that globe I got you
then I'll always feel like I'm home
Whether you'll bury us in a box or throw it out I don't know
That's all up to you
If the only place I ever live with you is in the globe gave you
I hope you remember December
(v.m)

Today was one of the most painful days of my life
Next to the day the boy with the birthmark on his right lower calf kissed my cheek outside school
When you talked to me
I thought I was seeing things
I couldn't breath all over again
I had to fight back tears for the life of me
But I was happy, even though I didn't say a word
I know I was because I started shaking all over again
Even though you were smiling
Inside I was screaming

With joy because you remembered me -- even for two minutes
And with anger
But mostly with pain


And today was one of the most painful days of my life
Next to the day the boy with hazel eyes told me he'd be here for me
And then he picked sides
And I guarantee you
He didn't pick me
Just like you


When I saw you sitting and waiting
I couldn't bring myself to look you in the eyes
Because I knew I would cry
and I did cry
I do that a lot
You're probably sick of it as it is
So I spared you the rain
I spared you the thunderstorm that is me
And today was one of the most painful days of my life
Next to the day the boy with cold hands told me he didn't understand why he was so ******* special

I don't know if you'll keep the gifts I gave you
I just needed them to stop reminding me your gone
I didn't want to burn them
Or throw them out like trash
I hope that says something good about me
Something--
If not anything, about me
About the way I love people
People who leave
People who stay
People who make broken promises
And about the way I listen
About the way I give
                              
                                        and give
                                                                 and give
Those are some things I hope to god that gesture says about me
Even if you don't see it
Even if it seems stupid
I hope that was lighting
And today was one of the most painful days of my life
Next to the day the boy with a five star smile told me he could get lost in my eyes
Right next to the day you told me I took your breath away
Right next to the day
Right next to that day
  (v.m)

It's crazy to think you only loved me from August to December
You used to say it felt like you had known me forever
That made me feel special
And when your family could tell I loved you
That's when I knew loving you would **** me
one way or another
Loving you felt like being thirteen all over again
I'm not comparing you to him
because Loving him
didn't feel like you
Your both cynical and sarcastic
and Selfish and smart
Yet for some reason
I was lucky enough to feel this way twice
I was lucky enough to learn how you keep your guard up
How you hid behind a mask
Because you think it means weakness
But I don't think that
and I hope one day
you love me enough
to let me in
I hope in 5 I still mean something
I hope in 5 I'm still sunshine
Because the last time this happened
he still loved me in 5
I don't know about now
but he still loved me in 5
and I don't know about then or when
or in how long time
but I hope in 5
you still love me
I hope in 5 you
remember my poems
If after that you forget me
then at least know it's crazy to think you loved me
from August to December

(v.m)

When you left me
I erupted like a volcano
I self destructed in every way possible
Because deciding you wanted yourself more than you wanted me
Would change things
And I hope one day you see
Being so selfish is never the way to go
That pain that comes with walking away from love is just as real as the pain that comes with being left
And I cry a tsunami for you every night
I’m still crying and it’s been over a month
That’s how I know your different than the rest
Because I know I won’t ever be able to forget you
Because you were a whole other kind of beautiful boy
The kind I could fall in love with and pray to god I marry one day
Even though you always said you never believed in marriage
And I hope you see the pain that comes from walking away from love is just as real as the pain of being left
Because that’s the story of my life
But I have faith in you
If it takes 10 or 20
Months or years
I’ll still want you more
(v.m)

People still ask me about the necklace around my neck
No one knows it came from you
No one knows I can’t bring myself to take it off
Or throw it away
Because for some reason it makes me feel close to you
It makes me feel like you’re still with me
Even though your not
and I know it sounds absurd
But thinking that makes me feel safe
It makes me feel like you still care about me
Even though I know you don’t
At least not the way I do
Because I still want to kiss you until 5 am
And I still miss fast pecks outside science on a sunny afternoon
And I miss car rides with no destination
And I miss hearing your voice
And I miss hearing about your day
And when people ask me about the pineapple around my neck
No one knows you bought it for me on our fourth date
No one knows we got donuts at 2 am after you bought me that necklace
No one knows how hard we laughed sitting in the parking lot together that night
And people still ask me about the necklace around my neck

(v.m)

It scares me everyday that you’ll forget me
Just like it scares me everyday that you might be with her
I think that hurts my heart most of all
The thought of someone else touching my favorite part of you
In my dreams you’ll always be mine
Because you’re one hell of a war
And I’m not done fighting
I don’t think I’ll ever be
Trust me when I say that you changed my life
And I’ll love you forever
And then some
And I’ll love you past mountains
and then some
And I’ll love you through years
And then some
(v.m)