I talk to god about you all the time I always ask him why you got taken away from me
I ask him why you don’t want me
I asked him what’s so great about breaking my heart
But there was no answer
Because just like all the time now
All I was able to hear was the echo of your laughter
And I know your not even dead
But everyday I spend without you
Sure feels like you are
Like I’ll be standing at your casket
With a parade of tears
Or maybe it’ll be vice versa
But either way you being gone
Has changed my life
For the worst
Because now all I wanna do is spend every minute asleep in your arms
Poking the divot in your shoulder and kissing that tickle spot on your neck
No matter what I’m doing I can never get you off my mind
I hope your okay
Even if whenever I see your name on my phone I feel like I’m being stabbed in the heart
And I’ll always wish you well
But I’ll also always wish you wanted me
Like I want you
Cause loving you really did take the breath out of me
Loving you really took my breath away

(v.m)

I write one to three poems about you a night
On the days I write only one
It’s because I’m drowning in tears and I can’t think of what else to say in between screaming at the ceiling and hoping you’ll be out front
On the days I write three or more a night it’s because I’m trying to make sure you see what pain looks like
I’m trying to make sure you see words mean something
And throwing up memories isn’t any better but it’s all I have left
On days I write more and more about you I wonder if you fell too
On days I write more and more about you I become a zombie stuck on every word I have yet to say
Even if you stopped reading these
I know you might get tired of me
But I still need you like air
And forest fires could not burn brighter than you
And I hope rooms too big for one will make you miss me one day
I hope wedding bells will make you remember our first meeting
I hope writings and poems will tell you how much I loved you
I hope you see that one day

(v.m)

It feels like I'll always be out of breath now that your gone
because my heart hurts all the time now
because tears rock me to sleep now that my bed is empty
but nothing comes close to falling asleep in your arms
Nothing comes close to feeling like home
I never used to believe I could take someones breath away until i met you
I'll still set you a place at the table
even if you never come home
I'll still be here for you,
Because I always make people into beautiful poems when they leave me
and I'll always leave a key under the mat,
even if you never come home

(v.m)

I know I am in love with you
I know I am because this is exactly the kind of damage my first love did
Arguing and fights
and pushes and pulls
and names and rude words
That's what happened the first time
but you were all time consuming
and long hours of yourself
but even then I still understood
I still loved you despite all that weight
despite all the weight I waited
despite all the weight I'll always be waiting
and I'll never really be ready to love someone new
because holy **** I know for a fact I fell in love with you
You made me see light
when I had scars and burned edges
and you made me love you
despite crooked timing
and you said this was different
I thought that meant something to you too
But I guess I'll never know

(v.m)

Today it's been a month since you've been gone
and **** I still miss you
I still see something that reminds me of you everyday
I saw your car again the other day
and just like the day before my heart stopped
I've been wanting too see you
Everyday I hope I'll run into you
At school,
In the parking lot
Somewhere
Anywhere
Everywhere
I think about the beginning all the time
And how in love with me you were
I wish all the time we could go back to that time
Beginning
Middle
Neverending
The type of love that withstands time
Past mountains
Past old lovers of yours and mine
I hope my love for you is something you always remember
Cause you're definitely someone I'll always remember
You always said you were selfish
But you listened and made me feel loved
That wasn't selfish, not one bit
So actions do always speak
That's something I'll never be able to thank you for
If in time we get the chance to try again, I'll still want you
If in time we get the chance to try again, I'll still love you more
and today it's been a month since you've been gone
I hope I see you soon
if not in this life then
In another
if not in this time
then in due time
and Loving you will always feel like waking up
Loving you will always feel like breakfast for dinner
and 5am car rides
Loving you will always be hill side streets and loving making in my bed
First time and last time
Cologne and vanilla will haunt me until death
because it's true what they say god always truly saves the best for last

(v.m)

They say the most recent pain is the one that hurts the longest
And ******* hurt like a hammer to the heart
You hurt like my throat burning raw after crying for hours
You hurt like all the empty morning hours I spend crying now
You hurt like no tomorrow even though I’ll love you forever
And they said the most recent pain is the one that hurts the longest
But how come it feels like it will never stop
Because I know **** well in a year
When I find pictures of you buried beneath boxes my heart will still skip a beat
Someone in my math class has the same name as you
And when I heard your name called god I felt nervous all over again even though I knew it wasn’t you
What the **** do you think that felt like
I could tell you
But you probably won’t get it
Because unlike you
I wasn’t cold about my feelings
I didn’t push you away when I needed you most
And I’m not the one who left
Those are all things you did
And I am not you
I put my heart on a platter and gave it to you
I remember your favorite color being red
I’ll always remember
And I’ll remember your family,
And I’ll remember that your colorblind and how much you love donuts
I’ll remember the look in your eyes the night you told me you’d try
And I’ll remember the first song that ever played while we made love that first time
I’ll remember vanilla hair gel, and 5 am conversations
I won’t forget you, ever
Please don’t forget me


(v.m)

I’m hurting my self again but no one knows that, but don’t worry not because of you
I was sad before I met you
I’m just sadder now that you’ve gone
I keep hoping I’ll bump into you
But I know you probably don’t want to see me
Your too worried about you
But that’s okay I told you no one ever loves me for long
I told you it’s always me
Because I’m just an ocean that makes everyone feel seasick after too long
So I don’t blame you for leaving
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me angry
That doesn’t mean I don’t cry myself to sleep every night
Gasping for air and screaming at god for letting this happen to me again
Fifth times the charm
Fifth boy to leave me
I keep hoping in ten years you’ll miss me
I keep hoping in five you’ll call
I keep hoping in three you’ll miss the world without me
I keep hoping in one you’ll regret ever leaving
I thought my story, was the plan
I thought we had plans
But I guess just you did.
Only for you
and I keep hoping in one you’ll regret ever leaving


(v.m)