It’s 11:52 and I’m crying again
And it happened earlier
And no one is answering me again
And **** I really need to talk
I feel like I have to ******* scream
Im so lost and hurt and I can’t ******* breath
And no one is ******* answering me again
I really am alone this time


(v.m)

I’m the type of the girl who loves people too hard
But that’s okay
I know someday in our thirties
Someone will realize what they gave up
When Love is ready to really love someone
With all that they have
So I’d appreciate if love only comes back when Love is ready to be loved fully
By me and only me
Until then
When reality smacks all those in the face
My love will be there


(v.m)

Unless friends means falling in love with me too
Then I can’t subject myself to that
When I tried to be friend my first love
It was because I still loved him
And he hated me for it
So if it doesn’t include coming back and still loving me
It’s not something I can do
Unless it means in a year I’ll be remembered then I can’t do it
Now matter how much deep down my heart wants you
My heart will always still love you
I can guarantee that
So unless my heart gets what it wants
Which it never does
If it doesn’t get what it really wants
In a year or 3 or 4 or 5
Because my heart knows what it wants
That’s what the f word is to me
It means coming back
So if that’s not possible
My heart still waits on people who never come back
Because it’s called hope

(v.m)

I hope you won’t ever hate me the way my first love does
I can almost guarantee and that scares me
But it’s nothing I’m not used too
But knowing me and my always full heart
You probably will
But one sided love is all I’ve ever known
Even though you said you’d prove that wrong
I guess it wasn’t true after all
I take what people say to me and turn it into movies in my head
I take all sweet words and keep them
Keep them too write about
But mostly keep them to remember
To remember how being loved back felt like light
To remember how looking at anyone else will never feel like home again
You’ll only understand what I mean if you’ve seen it like I have
But maybe I’m just a light house of love
That will never dim
Maybe that’s the problem

(v.m)

I still wish her death
But I don’t wish it on you
That’s how I am with people I love who leave
Still wish them them the world
I know you’ll do great things
You might even forget me
I should be used too it by now, but I’m not
In all of my writings to come
And my writing may be words
But ******* it my words give my feelings wings to reach those who should return
The last time I loved this hard
It drove me insane
And i let it
And I’ll let it do it again
The last time I was burning with pain this bad
Was because I was sad
I was in the hospital
But the doctor doesn’t know that when I told her I was sad it was because of a person
She doesn’t know I was hurting myself to feel closer to someone
But I guess that’s the way my pain works
Until someone is brave enough to show me the risk in staying

(v.m)

For the life of me I hope you remember my poems
For the life of me I hope you remember whatever it was you wrote even if I never get to read it
I hope every memory will be tucked away
I like to pretend your still here every night
And talk to you like you can still hear me
Talk to you like your dead even though your not
And I talk to god about you all the time
I tell him things about you
About how loving you has been a ******* blessing
And about how that’s the way love works
And funeral services probably aren’t as sad as someone like me
Because I see beauty in every part of person
Even if they always leave me
I still tell them things about you
I still pretend you can hear it
I wonder if you’ll still read these poems from time to time
I wonder if that’s the way love works


(v.m)

You were the first person to ever sleep in my bed with me
You were the first person to ever meet my family and I know they’ll always wonder about you
Just like I will
Because someone like that is always special
Whether they plan to be
I know what Love feels like
And ******* this is a whole different kind of air
I always feel like I can’t breath now
But that’s okay
I enjoy it
Really
Because my hope for others
And my love for others
Is one hell of an addiction
One hell of a gift
One hell of a pleasure
So that’s why I never leave
I know it’s stubborn
But it’s all I have

(v.m)