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vanessa Jan 2018
Loosing you hurts my heart all the time now
I can’t bring myself to see anyone new
Cause my heart still belongs to you
I still want you all the time
No matter what I’m doing or where I am
You never leave my mind
I hope your figuring your **** out
I hope you still want me too
Because I need to know you ******* need me too

(v.m)
vanessa Jan 2018
I've written twenty poems about you
and this is twenty one
I've written so many words about you that I'm not sure you'll ever read
But school starts next week
I'll walk by our spots on my way to English
Wondering if you've walked by them too and thought about me at all
I'll turn my head on my way out of math praying you turn the corner by the lunch tables
When I leave speech and I walk past the bench by the science building my throat will close up
I won't be able to breath
I'll feel like I can't walk fast enough to my car
Because all I'll seem to remember is just how long I would wait for you to get there
I used to wait at least an hour for you
Even though I always told you I only waited twenty minutes
I've written twenty poems about you or so
And this is twenty one



Everywhere I look, you'll be there
When I come home after a long day
My bed will remind me you never really left
I fall asleep clutching the stuffed animal in my room you used to use as a pillow when you'd come over
Reminders of you will be everywhere
In my bed, at school, around my neck, and in my dreams
Right before I pray for you to get home safe



(v.m)
vanessa Jan 2018
I remember the night we laid in my bed and you put your hands together and started to whisper I remember not knowing what you were doing or why you were doing it
And then I realized you were praying
For what I don’t know
I have no clue
I can only I hope I was somewhere in that prayer
I can only hope you see me in your future

I can only hope you’ve been thinking of me
I can only hope you still read my poems
I can only hope you see how hard I’m fighting
I can only hope you see I’m not giving up
I can only hope in the end
You’ll be back

(v.m)
vanessa Jan 2018
I don’t know if you miss me
But holy **** I miss you
Holy **** do I miss hearing your stereo laughter
Holy **** do I miss that look in your eyes when you’d stare at me
Holy **** I always feel like I can’t breath now
I guess that’s my anxiety telling me you must really mean something
Did you know by next week it’ll be a month since we’ve spoken?
That’s what you wanted right?
You wanted a month.
And Jesus ******* Christ I pray for you every night even though we haven’t talked
I hope you at least talk to me by your birthday
If you don’t then Happy Birthday, I’ll still love you when March comes
I’ll still wish you well even if you don’t remember me in 2 more months from now
Which is exactly how much time you asked for.
Will you be back in two more months?
Counting somehow makes it easier to deal with
Because I keep wishing you’ll be back like you said you would
Its 2 am again holy **** I’m crying a river again


(v.m)
vanessa Jan 2018
I always wonder if you talk to anyone else at 1 am now
Now that it’s not me
I always wonder how your day was
Now that you don’t know if you want me
I always wonder how your doing and if your okay
I always wonder if your drunk or high and if you got home safe
I always wonder what you think of now when you go on late night drives
I always wonder if you past by our spots and think of us
I always wonder if you’ve been writing
Did you ever finish that poem?
I’ll probably never get to read it
I hope you saw beauty in small things too
I always wonder if you miss me at all
Or do you work long hours so you don’t have to think about leaving
Has your family situation got any better?
I’m still a shoulder to lend a listen when your ready to love me again
I know you’ll figure it out, you’re brave that way.
And wow, do you have dreams.
Dreams I believe in
Dreams I know you’ll reach
I know your selfish but I’m selfless
And I love you anyway what can I say
I always wonder when you’ll come back
Because I’ll be right here.
Right here waiting.
No matter how long it takes.


(v.m)
vanessa Jan 2018
I had a panic attack at 2 am last night
And my hands went numb
And my chest burned
And my eyes watered
I needed you to hold me, I needed you to be there
And my bed was empty
And my heart was full
I missed you
I had a panic attack at 2 am last night
I love you
I hope you come back
I promise I know what being saved feels like
I promise I’ll always love you
(v.m)
vanessa Jan 2018
my friend says boys who break the curse are important
and right now it's 12;48 and i can't breath again
I'm crying again and no ones picking up
I'm in an empty house and no ones here to hold me
it's 12:50 and I'm alone
(v.m)
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