I know you'll find your way
You always do
Like water in a stream
You flow wherever the current takes you.

And I've been by your side
Since the beginning
Though we're far apart
I don't feel our friendship thinning.

If anything it's stronger
And growing ever more
I don't stop to doubt it
I just let it up and soar.

Like a bird it has to fly
Every living thing must be free
I think
So I'll let it be.

And when I watch the sunset
I often think of you
Wishing I could see you
And ask you, "How do you do?"

Our paths always meet
At the crossroads of life
And I know you'll always be there
When I'm going through strife.

Though when things are bliss
I can always count on you
To swim with me in happiness
Instead of driving it undo.

Born kindred spirits
Taking a similar walk through time
I know I should have told you this
But I express better through rhyme.

So I jot out my feelings
Scribble out my thoughts
Cross all my T's
And top the I's with dots.

But I won't give you this poem
Because of what I think
Some things are better left unsaid
Or written in invisible ink.

Tick-tock of the clock
Time is running out
It feels like everything is moving quickly
I don't know what this is about.

I've lost control
Though really I never had it
Just an illusion I created
Another bad habit.

I fear getting older
I feel I'm not young enough
I want to grow up, I want to get out
Break free, a diamond in the rough.

Shine me up, sparkly
Rub down all my edges; smooth so smooth
Round off all my corners
Encourage me to move, move, move.

Push me! Shove me!
Get me going
Touch me the right way
Get the juices flowing.

Excite me, entice me!
Then burn me out
Let the wax run hot
Down, down, all about.

Change.
I hate it. I hate it.
I love it. I love it.
A love-hate relationship.

The lack of control
When change happens
Is terrifying
And nerve-wracking

But I accept everything as is
I've learned to let things go
Even though I burn hot, so hot
I let my wax flow.

Free, so free
I'd love to be
Trapped, very trapped
But now I see.

There's a *** of gold at the end of every rainbow
Though it's never found
It's a hope to grasp onto
A reason to keep your head above the water so as to not drown.

And eventually, metaphorically
I will find that *** of gold
My wax will run to the end of the wick
And everything I have will be old.

And with the old I will know
More than I've ever known
But until that I day, I must say
I have a lot, so far, that's grown.

So let the wax burn
Let the change exist
I will allow the loss of control
And the passing of time will persist.

Acceptance.
It's so hard, but so nice.

My heart aches with the overwhelming feeling of depression,
A feeling that gravity itself is pulling at the thread that holds everything together.
And yet it's the thread that binds my pain to my heart.
I can't hold back the tears anymore,
I can't control my emotions,
I can no longer keep the blade of tragedy and agony sheathed.

My heart it burns with the want and need of release,
A feeling that the single thread that keeps me together has come loose.
It is good.  And it is bad.
I can't hold on anymore,
I can't even feel the pain anymore,
I can no longer grasp the light-- but the hilt of that blade seems to fit to easily and comfortably into my hand.

A win-lose situation.
And a repetitive process.
A continuum.

My heart it bleeds from the wound that the blade has created from my own hands,
A feeling of finally being released from the hold of that single thread.
And yet..
The horrifying emotions will eventually return,
Just as the thread will sew itself back through those worn out places of my heart.

I’m falling through the sky
As time quickly passes by
The blood ribbons fall from my wrists
My heart is aching and my stomach twists.

You think you know me, but you don't
You think you feel for me, but you won't
You have your world and your own life
And I have this darkness and a knife.

You're always smiling every day
I'm always crying the pain away
You pick me up when I fall
But throw me down when I can't handle it all.

I'm the sinner, you're the saint
You cover mistakes, with white paint
But my mistakes can't seem to hide
Because my words are colored tie-dye.

You think you're cool, but you're not
You think I'm stupid, but I’m really caught
Caught in the tide of the sea
The sea of emotion, but you won't carry me.

You make me feel like I am dead
But I still bleed the color red
Why does my heart ache like this so?
Because you're my mother, and I can't tell you to go.

It's like a laugh in the dark
Imposing and oppressive
Even if just a giggle
You're afraid.

And in the dark you're alone
Depressed and distraught
Even if you aren't crying
You're afraid.

Because darkness is the unknown
And no one likes to tread it lightly
Even if you're with someone
You're afraid.

In the dark means no control
And no control means vulnerability
Even if you're not alone
You're afraid.

You're crying on the inside
Because you don't want the darkness to see your tears
Or the person next to you because
You're afraid.

But eventually the heavy weight
Of darkness and loneliness on your shoulders
Will cause you to concave because
You're afraid.

Tell yourself to be not afraid
Because darkness is natural
It's light we create
Be not afraid.

I'll pull you out of this darkness
Because the laughter is my own
And grasping my hand I realize I'm saving myself
Am I afraid?

Even when everyone is lending you a hand
The only one you'll take is your own
Because like a lion you have your pride
You are afraid-- I am afraid.

The darkness is your fear
And it rules and haunts your world
But you've not allowed it to collapse on your shoulders
You're not afraid now, are you?

Because light we create
But when created it shines in the dark
And then you can see your path before you
I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid
Of myself
Any longer.

I wanted to rip your heart out
And eat it like it were a fruit
Just so you could die
Like you made me want to.

I thought I loved you
At one point, maybe twice
But it was really just hate
That started at a small height.

I gave you everything
Bent over backwards, upside down
I served my heart in place of yours
But my love you never found.

Your perception was twisted
You wanted to tear me apart
Said I was the lusted, the wanted
But you were wrong from the start.

I was weak, you were right
And from you I learned so much
That I can't let people walk on me
Least of all let them touch--

My heart.

You see I took it back from you
And threw the truth in your face
Even after all we had been through
You placed me as a disgrace.

I let you down but in reality
You let ME down
And I had to figure **** out
After you left me with a frown.

Stabbed me in the back countless times
Asked me for money and favors
And I wrote out all your rhymes
For you poetic labors.

It was all my hard work
Thrown down the drain
But I let you go
And inevitably you went insane.

Because I set my rage free
And you clung to it for years
I know it held you back
Causing many of your tears.

And still I never wanted to hurt you
I just wanted you to see
That you couldn't treat anyone like that
Least of all me.

So maybe I was your wake up call
Or at least I planted the seed
Someone else can water it
But I suppose you've become a ****.

I've heard things 'round the bend
That you've finally been seen for what you were
I always knew that side of you
But I was friends with something else, what it was, I'm not sure.

And once I learned
And grew up
I traveled on
And threw you out of my cup.

And that cup I filled
Not with anything of you
But everything of me
And all I had been that was true.

And now here I am
Doing fine without you
But I don't regret any of it
Because it was part of everything I had to go through.

Thank you.

Maybe I'll get lucky
And be remembered years from now
For something amazing
Something that makes one say "Wow."

Maybe I'll get lucky
And win the lottery
Buy a big house
Or go live anywhere I wanna be.

Maybe I'll get lucky
And find the perfect someone
To make me really happy
And fill my life with fun.

But I'm all ready lucky
I'll be remembered in a way
By everyone who loves me
And the things I have to say.

I'm all ready lucky
I'm richer than I can boast
Not including money
But in what counts the most.

And I'm all ready lucky
I've found the perfect man
Who makes me more than happy
And who can fit in to my plan.

So I'm the luckiest person in the world
At least in my sight
And that's all that really matters,
Right?

Like a loose leaf I fell from the tree,
The fall was long and freeing,
'Til I reached the bottom.

A wind has since then carried me,
To places far and wide,
I no longer know where I fell is.

The wind is both soothing and brash,
I don't trust it will take me back,
But to more beautiful sights.

I feel a little confused
Like I have something to figure out
A little twisted up and chewed
My mind is racing on doubt.

I'm trying to put my thoughts
Into words in this writing
My hand it jots
The nails on my fingers I am biting.

It's hard to say how I feel
But I definitely know that I am feeling
Everything inside is real
I just have to find it by peeling.

My skin it itches from nerves
I look sallow and wrecked
I've stretched myself thin and over all the curves
I can no longer object.

I had to cry today
Because I drove myself up a wall
Repressing things I've wanted to say
Has somehow made the mountain I have, to climb, very tall.

It's not like my problems are anything important
But I guess they tend to wear me ragged
It's sometimes because I can be expectant
Of people and things that are jagged.

I have some things I still need to learn
But I'd rather be learning then at a stop
Like how not to expect and sometimes not to yearn
And when to skip, rather than to hop.

I try to keep my heart open wide
But that leaves it to be bruised
I have to let some things subside
And not let myself feel used.

I'll learn to be compassionate
But still protect myself
Though somehow I feel like I'm in debt
To all the dolls on the shelf.

I conclude this work of emotion
Still upside down and withered
At least I've crossed further, the ocean
But I have yet to meet the blizzard.

A passion dripping of sin
A drunken epiphany
Plucking all my heartstrings
In the perfect melody.

You soothe me with your words
Profound and adoring
I think of you in debauchery
The fantasy is flooring.

I'd die for your arms around me
Just for a second I lust
A desire burning like hot coals
You around me I trust.

Cover me with your poetic form
Your limbs lounging about
A warmth radiating from your sweat-skin
I welcome your nakedness with no doubt.

My sighs are heavy and hypnotized
I'm wrapped all up in you
And I'm not fighting at all
Because it's all I want to do.

Be with you
Be yours
Let you stroke my hair
My want is practically seeping from my pores.

But I am all ready yours
I just wish for you tonight
A moment apart from you
Brings my ache to an astounding height.

I miss you, I miss you
I'll say it a million times
As if that would put you in my arms
By writing all these rhymes.

Sleep well without me, love
If only for a night
I'll kiss you naked in my dreams
And forget this temporary plight.

The attraction is there
Undeniably so
I can not run from it
I can not hide from it
It's there
And that's okay

You and those eyes
Admiring my body
Followed by your hands caressing my form
Oh it's there
And I like it
Of course

We are doing animal things
All night long
In a bed not made for ourselves
When morning comes we will become people again
And do people things
And go about our lives until night comes
When we can be animals again

You'd rather do animal things
Than people things
And so would I

Responsibilities take you from me
And that's all right
Because they are important
And I understand

Besides
I'm the rational one
I have to tell you to do these people things
Or we would do animal things all into the day

I'm carnally pleasing to you
I know this
I see it in your eyes
And how your hips respond to mine

Instincts take over whenever we are together
Animal things have to be done
The lack of self-control
In a bed that is not made for ourselves
Is so very supposed to be
Meant to be
And that's okay

I can not run from it
I can not hide from it
This undeniable attraction to you
Is so overwhelming that all I think about
Is doing these animals things
Even if I am the rational one

Doing animal things
In a bed not made for ourselves
Is quite all right
It's more than okay
It's perfect.

I don't need you to rescue me
I'm no damsel in distress
I can take care of myself
I can get out of this mess.

As much as I want to be rescued
I can't let you save me all the time
I don't need a hero, I swear
I can get up this climb.

I wish I could just have no back bone
And let Superman rescue me from fall
But I'm too stubborn, and independent for that
I'm not some delicate china doll.

I'm a Superwoman myself
Even if I still know how to cry
I can take care of my problems
I don't need you to kiss them goodbye.

It would be nice, I must say
To have my life a clean slate
But that's something I have to do myself
Something that's part of my fate.

So you can kiss me Superman
But I won't let you save my day
I don't need your super powers
Go save someone else for a change.

We're waiting for our death
Or maybe just a new beginning
The storm is haunting the horizon
Black clouds with lightning grinning.

The rumbling of the thunder
Is laughing at our fear
Or maybe it's my imagination
But the worst will soon appear.

They said for years
That when the storm arrives
Beasts will come from the dark
And we will run for our lives.

Some will die then
But most will die soon after
In the storm bouts of acid
And the thunders laughter.

But if you don't die then
It'll be from the flood
Drowning in your misery
Or trapped in the sludge mud.

And if you're still alive
You better have a boat
The beasts of the sea will eat you up
"Apocalyptic ******!" she wrote.

Her name was Sylvia
A mystical seer
From the before times
She told what she could hear.

The wind whispered to her
All these terrible things
Here they are before us now
And this is what she said they would bring.

So we're waiting for our death
We've all ready felt the plague
The storm is haunting the horizon
Until the end of our days.

I think I was dreaming
Until I met you
I've been sleeping restlessly
All of this time

When you kissed my lips
I opened my eyes
And saw you in the daylight
That I had never seen before

I knew I was awake now
When you held my hand
Your skin was so warm
Nothing like in my dreams

You led me from fantasy
Straight into reality
Taking me on magnificent adventures
That I never could have imagined

When I saw your boyish grin
And realized I was the cause
I was completely taken aback
My voice strangled in my throat

You take the breath from my lungs
And you paint the smile on my lips
I wear my favorite shade of happy
Tickle me pink, just for you

Nowadays we dream together
But it's nothing like it was
Before you kissed my lips
And I opened my eyes

Our dreams our endless enchantment
Full of wonder and whimsy
We allow our imaginations
To run wild and free

With you and me
Our dreams are boundless
There are no fences to corrall
The mustangs of our Will's

Full speed ahead and *******
Galloping with ferver
Together we ride in open fields
The daylight a fresh perspective

My eyes were opened
Because of you
And I will never let them close
Not now, not again, not ever

The days I spent dreaming
Are a memory far behind
I remember what it was like
But I don't wish to go back

I wish to stay with you
Riding our mustangs
Letting our Will's be the reigns
Our eyes open, in daylight.

I'll push you up
High into your dreams
And when you reach the top
My heart will burst at the seams.

Cause seeing you happy
All beaming and bright
Makes the perfect contrast
To the dark of the night.

A light shines in the blackness
My love showing you the way
To your desired destination
And to you I will say:

"Come on, follow me
I know where to go
I'll guide your way
With the light I show."

"And come on, follow me
I'll hold your hand
Down the rocky paths of life
The end an unknown land."

We'll walk it together
Never apart
Protecting each other
From the very start.

And I'll whisper in your ear
Like a springtime wind
Quiet and promising
My words unpinned:

"I'll love you forever
Through the darkness and light
I'll hold you hand
Together we'll fight."

"And when it's all over
I'll still love you more
When we receive our wings
Up and up we will soar."

"So hold onto my hand
Don't let it go
We'll walk this path together
Even through woe."

Just a little reminder
This tale of our love
A message brought to the both of us
From someone looking out up above.

Don't forget this poem
Or what I whispered in your ear
And I'll remind my own self
All through out the year.

Together we walk
Our love bursting at the seams
We'll push each other up
Up into our dreams.

I love how you sound
Writhing beneath me
A surprise in your voice
Your legs trembling.

The muscles in your body
Are flexing and tensing
Your hips are rising
Your breath is so heavy.

I love how you sound
It's my favorite part
Usually a quiet mouse
But like this, so raw, so untamed.

I've never seen you like this
I marvel in the moment
In your rapture of ecstasy
A hum between my own thighs.

It's exciting to see you
Let loose like a trapped wind
Blowing out wildly
Like you've never been free to breeze.

It's easy to please you
Because it pleases me
Especially when you're writhing
Beneath me.

I feel like a fish
Belonging to an ocean
With the understanding of my place
But the knowing of life outside

I yearn to be free

Just let me cry for a little while
Let me be something of glum
Sometimes I feel this pain
And I just have to let it out.

Most don't understand it
But I don't expect them to
Even though I want them to
But all that matters is you.

And even though I feel so down
I let you come around
And letting you come around
Allows me to get back up.

But spending time in this hole
That I've dug all on my own
Guides me to deciding
What it is that I'm about.

Cause I have all these things
That I wanna be, I wanna do
That I think I am
But really all that's there is blue.

And the blue is like the sky
But the blue is also like the ocean
As well as like the sadness
And like the tears that I cry.

So many shades of blue
So many, so many!
But it's time for a new hue
Just a change of color would be nice.

It's gonna take everything I have
And everything I am
And everything that I could be
To get there.

But when I'm there
It's gonna be good
It'll be fantastic
And no one will be able to stop me then.

So I've just gotta get there
And get out of this hole
But like I said:
I've gotta be in this hole to figure it all out.

But I'll figure it all out
You'll see.

Everything is out of control
I feel like I've lost my mind
I have to sort through all the pieces
And gain control of the time.

My brain practically exploded
I might be past the point of no return
Or maybe I'm just being dramatic
I can't be too sure.

So many emotions
So many words as well
I can't speak any of them
Everything is so hard, I'm sure you can tell.

I'll just put the pieces back together
Thought I'm missing a few
Pull myself up off the floor
This is just another dark tunnel to walk through.

On my feet.  I'll keep going.

When I saw the fire in your eyes
It made me want to cry
And even though I cried
I saw in the mirror, the fire in my own eyes.

It's a burning tragedy
The way you feel for me
It makes my heart bleed
It's a burning tragedy.

I think I'm beginning to fall pretty hard
In that tumbling down a hill sort of way
He's a great guy, perfect really
Always brightening my day.

Actually it's more like my life
That he makes better all the time
I'm constantly happy and upbeat
No matter the way or rhyme.

This is his doing
The way he just comes up in here
Shakes up my world
All upside down, but totally clear.

I mean it's clear to me
Where this is going
I'm not sure if he knows
But love is going to be overflowing.

Soon, very soon.
Like a flower
It will blossom
It will bloom.

I'll take this all to the depth of my heart
My emotions flourishing
Growing and expanding
Nourishing..
My soul.

It's gonna happen
I can try to hide from it
I can try to run from it
But it will get me and and it--
Will just be.

Red makes the color of love,
White is the wings of a dove.

Orange is the color of Halloween,
When Black joins in they make quite a team.

Green covers the peel of a lime,
And Silver is what coats the shell of a dime.

Gold is why there's a shine in a ring,
And the Yellow of the sun is what makes birds sing.

Purple fills the midnight sky,
And Blue is the color of tears when you cry.

Pink is quite a girlie shade,
And Teal is the color of ocean waves.

These are some colors of the rainbow,
This is only a few, how many do you know?

In a world of concrete
and televisions
there is no room
for love and liberty
only hyperspeed delusions

Screens project illusions
colorful and negative
******, ****, war
pure destruction
revolution

Communication boxes
with buttons and blinky lights
musical tones to let you know
that your mother says hello
her voice and face is not enough

Letters are overated
conversations are useless
chivalry is ridiculous
and a smile is anything
but friendly

Neighbors are irritating
too much or too little
of this
that
or the other thing

Knowledge is power
accessible, unclear and confusing
nothing makes any sense
everyone is stupid
but everyone knows everything

Convenience
is inconvenient
never good enough
fast enough
or affordable

There's internet
for computers, tv and cell phones
books in every format
knowledge through every source
but it's all lies, right?

No one knows the truth
no one can believe it
everything is a lie
and everyone is trapped
between televisions and concrete

Nature is forgotten
or locked in fences
near park benches
trimmed and controlled
to particuliarities

Consummables are consumed
without recognition
of the quantity
or lack thereof
until there is nothing left.

Used and abused
people and animals
plants and minerals
oxygen and gas
depleted, destroyed, enslaved

There is no room
for love and liberty
in a world ruled
by delusions
created from concrete and televisions

Craved** by all the sinners. All the ****** and all the thieves.
Craved by all the men, who wanted more than a just a peek. She was
Craved by the druggies, being their substance in the form of a human. And she was
Craved by all the purest, being their goddess in their search for more than an illusion. She was none of these things that they
Craved and yet partially these things in some way. But whatever she was, they all seemed so enticed, and
Craved her even more than they ever
Craved life.

I'm having trouble breathing
It doesn't hurt
It's actually kind of nice.

This tension in my lungs
Is because of your love
And in my ribcage there are mice.

Maybe it's a little morbid
Rather than to say butterflies
But those can be freed with a sigh.

Maybe it's a little demented
But I like it that way
I wear a noose as a tie.

I guess I'm probably backwards
To say the least
I prefer blood to water.

Your love is psychotic
Like a psychedelic trip
From a blotter.

It's so nice
As wrong as asphyxiation sounds
But it's as macabre as it is pleasing.

And if you were to leave
The warmth of my body
Would undoubtedly turn to freezing.

Bleeding from the heart
In a metaphorical way
The pain is excruciating
And there is nothing left to say.

They both knew it all along
And knew they had to tell the truth
They didn't love each other
Didn't even care to.

They stare at one another
Lost in emotion and thought
One with tearful eyes
The other also distraught.

It couldn't work out between them
With her deceit and his lies
Though it lasted for years
It was a mosh posh of destruction, with a side of hateful fries.

He cheated every weekend
****** without disgrace
With every man he came across
Then kissed her when he returned home, right on her face.

She deceived him from the start
Marrying him for his money
And spending it all on an addiction
The truth just wasn't very funny.

And when it all came out
With tears and screams
They realized it wasn't meant to be
Their love had fake seams.

But did they ever love each other?
Or was it just a comfort of the placement?
To be in someones arms
Something convenient, though distorted and bent.

When it was all over
They said their goodbyes
And went separate ways
To start separate lives.

She's a lawyer now
Making her own money
Paying for her own addiction
Isn't that funny?

And he came out of the closet
Still ******* without disgrace
And instead of getting kisses
He gets *** all over his face.

So they took roads away from each other
But ended up the same way
Maybe they should have stayed together
It would have been more comfortable, wouldn't you say?

You taste like apple ginger
Especially in the rain
The smell of wet around us
A memory like a stain.

You smell like earth and spices
I breathe you into my soul
Your scent enticing
Like a magnet pull.

Your hair in my hands
Your lips on mine
I want to be in collision
With your hips in due time.

But for now the rain
Pouring down like a shower
Washing away filth
And all the painful power.

Refreshing and delicious
Of cold and drippy wet
Later in the moonlight from the window
A hotter mess, I bet.

Daydreaming of a collision
But for now a car ride
A hopefully fulfilled prediction
Only now just your hand on my thigh.

In due time, in due time
You will be mine
Sweaty but gingerly
Between my thighs.

It's dark outside and the moon is bright
It casts a glow across where I stand
I'm thinking of you tonight
Wishing I could hold your hand.

Right now I'm thinking of love
Right now I'm thinking of sorrow
I raise my eyes to what's above
Yes! There's still hope for tomorrow.

I haven't lost my sight
I can imagine the world is lonely
I'd rather like to bask in the moonlight
For this one time only.

But my skin it itches with wonder
And my feet want to dance
This must be some spell that I'm under
Or is this my second chance?

Youth strikes my features
But at the center I am old
Out from the night come the creatures
And with them comes the cold.

I know so much and yet so little
My mind has expanded to infinity
Though my reality feels brittle
I can hang on through serendipity.

This is my magical power
I weave the world with my fingers
The clouds in the night rain down a shower
I'm am the dancer, the thunder the singers.

This is my chance!
I'll fashion a quilt of morality
I'll swirl it as I dance
Making the divine fabric a reality.

But alas, this is only a dream
And I'm dreaming of love and sorrow
As I finish up the last seam
I think there's still hope for tomorrow.

It's dark outside and the moon is bright
As I'm sleeping soundly
Such a dream won't slip from my sight
I'll remember it profoundly.

It was Ecstasy that made her happy, and
Ecstasy that made her cry. It was
Ecstasy that made her sappy, and
Ecstasy that made her emotions fly. This pill they call
Ecstasy, was to her, more than just a a drug. But a gift and yet a curse, that she popped to keep herself up. But sometimes this
Ecstasy did not always keep her up. Even in her highest moods, she felt like she was at the bottom of her cup. Now
Ecstasy is thrilling, and makes your body feel alive. Though it is all just an illusion, that
Ecstasy makes you feel so high. She takes the pill to live, and she takes the pill to die. But in the end,
Ecstasy is nothing more than a perfect tragedy. And this
Ecstasy that one loves so dear.. Will be the end of your life, or the opening to the wonderful clear.

I don't have to be anything for anyone
I don't have to prove myself to you
I shouldn't have to prove myself to you
So I won't.

There's an elephant in the room
When we're together
It's awkward and a little sad
But this is how it's become.

The space between us is so large
That it's like a vast desert
And I don't understand you anymore
And you don't understand me.

What pulled us apart
I'm sure is the difference
Between your shallow mind
And the depth of mine.

Drifting apart may be for the best
Though I will never tell you this
I'll just let the tides of change
Take me away to a different ocean.

But I never stop loving someone
That I've all ready loved
And you will always be in my heart
As a friend, as a shoulder to lean on, despite the distance.

And I've noticed the elephant in the room
Is so sad, so down, so angry
And you brought this elephant
But I don't mean to accuse.

I'll let the elephant stay
It's probably better this way
But I will always love you.

I tip them upside down
I throw them on the ground
It's the only way I can look at them clearly.

When they're right in my face
Everything seems out of place
And I can't seem to understand them sincerely.

When they fall apart
It damages my heart
And I have to put them all back together.

To read them right
They have to be in plain sight
So I can interpret the future weather.

What I'm talking about
Brings upon some doubt
That's hiding in the back of my mind.

But when I lay them straight
I can predict my fate
And the truth I will know, and can find.

Many things are applicable
And possibly despicable
To what I'm trying so hard to explain.

But really what it is--
The answer to this quiz
Is that my emotions are difficult to preordain.

So I'll look at the sky
And release them to fly
Because that is the best thing I can do.

Let them go free
And just let it all be
Then they will be easier to construe.

It's like poison to my soul
Being here
Captivated by toxic.

I cry every time
The taste of sweet nectar
Fading from my lips when I return.

Why don't they taste their own bitter hearts?
Why can't they die, like I, from the venom in their mouths?
Don't they feel the weight on their shoulders?

I hate it
I hate it so much it hurts
I hate it so much that I cry
Every time.

Sinking
Sinking into a hole with vines to trap you
Thorns to stab you
To keep your heart from mending.

The darkness is welcomed
As much as you are afraid
But you're use to the fear
It haunts you often.

And looking up you see the sky
It explodes in cosmic colors
Nothing you can be a part of
You can only watch and yearn for it.

Your limbs you cannot move
And you realize you've stopped breathing
Or maybe you never did
You can't grasp the truth.

It all slips through your fingers
Like water through cracks
And everything is cold
And everything is lifeless.

In this hole you're confronted
With everything you need to face
You want to
But you want to hide.

You'll figure it out
Slash the vines
Destroy the thorns
Climb out of the hole.

Eventually
With time
You'll get to the sky
Up, up and away.

Because it's colors are so intimidating
But you want it so bad
It's right there
You can see it!

You cannot touch
You cannot have
But one day you will
You will, you will.

It's above you, you see
One day you'll leave this hole behind
To be with the other clouds in the sky
Cause really you're just a cloud, like all of them.

And you rain on yourself
All the time
And it's a continuous cycle
But all cycles break in the end.

Break your cycle
Be with the sky
And explode yourself
In cosmic colors.

I'm hard to understand, I know
It's never been easy for anyone
I'm hard to talk to, I know
Sometimes I can't even talk to myself.

The moment I think I've got myself figured out
You dig up something else
Something I didn't know about
Something hard to grasp.

But it's good, it's great
I'm learning new things
New character traits
About me.

And I'm a metamorphosis
Before your eyes
But it's  a constant rolling wave
So you understand.

At least I hope you understand
And I'm really trying to make it easy
As easy as I can make it
Which really isn't easy at all.

But I'm sure you'll figure it out
In due time
Cause I'm really not that complicated
You just have to learn my rhyme.

Cause you can know all the words in my box
But not know the order
And if you don't know the order
How can you really figure me out?

And you can know all the words in my box
But not be able to spell a single one
And if you can't spell them
How can you really spell me out?

But this is so new, so fresh
I'm not really all that worried
In fact I won't be surprised
If you never get the words straight.
If you never get the spelling correct.

And it might be exciting
Keep things alive
And probably a little frustrating
Over time.

But it'll be okay if you never figure me out
You won't get bored, I promise
I'm the only one that's got me even a little figured out
And still I mostly don't make sense.

But it's not about making sense, is it?
It's more like just a feeling
Who really needs words in this universe,
When we have our bodies to speak with?

Cause even when I know you're confused
Or even when I've confused myself
I hold you close
Take a deep, deep, breath
And let my body do all the talking.

If you ever figure me out
You'll have to tell me your secret
Cause I'm still confused
About myself.

A bird caught from the wild
And trapped in a cage
You have to let her go
Free from the bars.

She doesn't want to be trapped
Inside this lonely cage
Open the door and let her fly home
Up into the stars.

And like a leaf in the wind
She glides to wherever it leads
Her wings open wide
Riding the circulation of air.

The destination she finds
Is the one that she seeks
And landing to her new home
She becomes a pair.

Being a pair she is happy and fulfilled
Her heart beating along side another
The love she has grows
Keeps growing and expanding.

For with her partner she is content
And she flies storms for her lover
He won't cage her in
This kind of love is withstanding.

"Four - Breaking Even"
February 4th, 2014
Valerie Viele

I am a creation. I am a maiden. I am a creator. I am a crone.
I am dawn. I am noon. I am evening. I am midnight.
I am a girl. I am a temptress. I am a neither. I am a goddess.
I am a daughter. I am a *****. I am a mother. I am a lineage.
I am a sister. I am a best friend. I am a vague acquaintance. I am a messenger.
I am a child. I am a ******. I am a lover. I am a wife.
I am a princess. I am a beauty queen. I am a damsel in distress. I am a warrior.
I am a daisy. I am a snapdragon. I am a rose bud. I am a lilly.
I am a smile. I am a wink. I am a laugh. I am a snort.
I am a frown. I am a cold shoulder. I am a forgiver. I am a resolver.
I am a question. I am a questioner. I am a question mark. I am a answer.
I am a butterfly kiss. I am a bumble bee sting. I am a cicada hiss. I am a caterpillar tickle.
I am a cupcake. I am a box of chocolates. I am a glass of wine. I am a bowl of oatmeal.
I am a doll. I am a model. I am a celebrity. I am a infamous figure.
I am a game master. I am a rule-breaker.  I am a tyrant. I am a player.
I am a brat. I am a train-wreck. I am a witty retort. I am a knowing silence.
I am a ballerina. I am a dancer. I am a performer. I am a choregrapher.
I am a goodie two shoes. I am straight "A." I am a graduate. I am a mentor.
I am a tomboy. I am a mess. I am a fresh-pressed suit. I am a mumu.
I am a sneer. I am a red pair of lips. I am a pout. I am a broad grin.
I am a skinned knee. I am a bruised ego. I am a battered soul. I am a healed heart.
I am a piece of candy.  I am a piece of work. I am a master piece. I am a peace of mind.
I am a bubble gum "POP!" I am a whip-smart "CRACK!" I am a below the belt "BLOW!" I am a humble "WHISTLE!"
I am a kick. I am a slap. I am a hit and run. I am a sly trip.
I am a hug. I am a kiss. I am a ****. I am a cuddle.
I am a favorite. I am a nobody. I am a somebody. I am a everybody.
I am a challenge. I am a one-sided opinion. I am a worthy debate.  I am a open mind.
I am a bicycle. I am a fast car. I am a train. I am a stroll.
I am a pony tail. I am a bleach blonde. I am a practical bob. I am a braid.
I am a bracelet. I am a gold ring. I am a necklace. I am a bead.
I am a broken bone. I am a victim. I am a rescuer. I am a nurse.
I am a singer. I am a song. I am a composer. I am a listener.
I am a leader.  I am a runaway. I am a follower. I am a team.
I am a bubble bath.  I am a long shower. I am a quick rinse. I am a ocean dip.
I am a pond. I am a frozen lake. I am a waterfall. I am a river.
I am a castle. I am a tall tower. I am a skyscraper. I am a bridge.
I am a banshee. I am a blood-curdling scream. I am a yelp. I am a squeak.
I am a pretender. I am a liar. I am a deceiver. I am a revealer.
I am a sob. I am a woe-is-me. I am a wallow. I am a single tear.
I am a why? I am a why not? I am a no. I am a yes.
I am a sleep over. I am a house party. I am a coffee break. I am a tea time.
I am a today. I am a now. I am a tomorrow. I am a yesterday.


SSK<3

I feel like I should be writing
There is so much to say
And yet so little
At the same time.

I want the world to know
That happiness is easy
As long as you know how
To look past the grime.

It can be found anywhere
In a far off land or on some mountain
But usually
It's right under your nose.

It can be found in anything
In a smile or a wish
That's usually
How it goes.

Happiness is sometimes fleeting
But often it is always there
You just have to find it in the right spot
Sometimes it's simply in the air.

Other times it can't be found
But you're sure it's where you left it
Maybe try looking somewhere else this time
It hasn't up and vanished.

And when you think there's none left at all
That's when you probably have it the most
You just don't see it in the obvious places
It's like looking for a ghost.

Lift the veil from your eyes
Happiness is everywhere
Just remember to look in every corner, crack, under every rock
I promise you, it's there.

Spread your wings and fly
Like a bird in the sky
I know you're asking why
We had to say goodbye
I can still hear your cry
Your breath like a sigh
And while I'm up so high
I'll wonder why you had to die
---Goodbye.

Grandfather's are full of stories
Fairy tales and rhymes
Jokes from books and lots of laughs
To keep your strong in your stride.

They collect the coolest things
From stamps to golf *****
Keeping things entertaining
When you're bored or bouncing off the walls.

They never tell a lie
But sometimes stretch the truth long
But how could they be Grandpa
Without singing you a wild song?

There's something in their smile
That keeps you happy all around
With a twinkle in their eye
Their love knows no bounds.

They have the knowledge of the world
And some simple daily facts
They keep your imagination running wild
And always keep your secret pacts.

Don't underestimate Grandpa's
Cause they might lead you for a surprise
They're strong, they're fast, they're super smart
No one should mess with these guys.

So remember to love your Grandpa
And stop to hear a story or two
Cause even when you think they won't
They'll always look out for you!

There's something special about Grandmothers
That nobody knows
A sweet little kept secret
Like kisses to your nose.

Her heart is made of gold
And filled with honey to the brim
Her eyes were specially picked
From fallen stars that never go dim.

Her spirit comes from rain
That fell from the sky
Caught in God's bucket
And poured to make her alive.

Her legs were made for dancing
And propping when she gets old
They were made from strong tree trunks
Chopped by God's axe made of gold.

Her hands were made from leather
Polished with God's tears
And become soft and papery
After so many years.

Her hair is like the finest silk
Whether it curly or straight
Pulled from God's head himself
And sewn into her scalp on her birthday.

Grandmother's are beautiful
Fashioned after the Lord
Loving, kind, and strong
Trustworthy, intelligent, and adored.

They always know right from wrong
And mend things when they break
Their words like band-aids
Healing up your emotional scrapes.

There's something special about Grandmother's
That nobody knows
A sweet little kept secret
Like kisses to your nose.

We're always halfway there
No matter where we are
And being halfway there
We don't have to go far.

It started on a hike
So familiar
Then to a shrine
Nothing in particular.

A small discussion
To later be pronounced
Sharing of stories
Figuring things out.

Just to that hill
There lies a bench
Tiny flower on the way
So many colors, all for you.

An urge to feel the Earth
On my skin
But I oppress it
And instead move on.

We don't walk far
But it's been an hour or so
We discover a rock
Where my brain would explode.

Take me on this rock
I want you to
You want to
We're halfway to the cave, why not?

It hits me like a semi truck
I can't see even though I see
So I close my eyes
No, no, the initial shock.

It brings on tears I've been meaning to cry
For so long
You tell me it's all right
And I try to breath, with you.

Undeniably a profound experience
I cannot explain
But it happened
Halfway to the cave, with you.

I wouldn't have gotten out alive
If you hadn't been there
But I wouldn't have been there
If you didn't bring on awkward moments.

Mind-blowing all in all
What I expected it to be
Though it never was
Never had been before.

I was so scared
But you were there
And I hated you briefly
Only briefly, and it was false.

You pried me from the rock
The only existence I understood
Since mind didn't make sense
And yours terrified me.

A long journey ahead
But I'm not afraid anymore
I think I can relax a little bit
You make it easy to be something I've never been but wanted to be so bad.

You said I'm brave
Or was
But who wouldn't be
When they have you as their guide.

But I don't trust easily
Especially guidance through
What I fear the most
Even if it's by you.

But now in darkness
I'm not afraid
A profound experience
One you made.

I would have had you on the bridge
Halfway to the cave
But I'm so unlucky
Good thing I waited.

Riddle me this
Riddle me that
Have you met your match?
She's halfway to the cave
Halfway to you
And where you are
And halfway home
And halfway to halfway
But lost
But everything is halfway to the cave
So you know where you are
And it's not far
Cause you're halfway
Halfway to the cave
And where you need to be.

But I'm glad I got lost
Halfway to the cave with you
Cause we kept going forward
And lead me through.

I grew so much
In just a day
A moment I'll savior
So life-changing, I must say.

So many realizations
From ripples of water
To plants that eat
And watch and grow

I lost myself
Halfway to the cave
But you found me
You always do.

I'm not even really sure what to say
Or how I should explain
Today is Father's day
And I've always had this pain.

It's right here in my heart
And I'll never let it go
Even though we've been apart
I can still feel it so.

It's not the easiest thing
To know you're gone today
I'm still hurting
And this is what I've wanted to say:

I know you left when I was little
But that's not what this is about
You didn't want us to be caught in the middle
And I've never had my doubt.

You had a reason to leave
And I accept this now
Though it was always hard to believe
That you could just walk out.

But that's what being a dad is like
You make big decisions on behalf of your offspring
And that was the right choice to better our life
And alleviate some -could be- lifetime suffering.

Though I still had lots of tears
I trust your decision was right
And after all these years
I now see with God's sight:

This was meant to ensue
You were meant to pass away
We were meant to live without you
And life goes on anyway.

I love you more than you know
And that will never change
Though I didn't want you to go
I have to except this new pain.

It helps me realize a lot of things
A lot of truths and rights
I know that God sometimes brings
Obstacles that we have to fight.

So now you know my thoughts
I wrote this for you
And I completely love you lots
And I know you love me too.

Besides all the mistakes
And the big choices you made
I won't slam the brakes
On my own life today.

I'll keep strong
And celebrate this holiday
Smile even when I feel wrong
Cause today is Father's day.

No reason to frown
You were a good man, and still are in my heart
I won't let this day bring me down
Because that's what you've wanted from the start.

You've just wanted us to be happy and safe
That was your plan from the get-go
And with all the dilemmas in the first place
Your choice made us happier even so.

I love you even though I don't feasibly know you
And love you now that you're gone
So I guess you knew that this decision was right to do
Because what happened is what you wanted all along.

I wish the words of my mouth
Could work like a fine stitching
Closing up the holes in your heart.

But I never have the words
To make it all go away
If anything, I just tear it all apart.

I'm not eloquent
Or tastefully soothing
But my heart beats in the right rhythm.

I try to say all the right things
Instead, I stumble and fall
I guess, truly, I am just winsome.

I watch your painful confusion
Unable to help
And we both seem to tumble into turmoil.

I wish could gracefully
Be your divine savior
But unfortunately I'm just a harlequin girl.

He reminds me of somewhere I'd like to hide
Somewhere warm, somewhere sweet
He reminds me of somewhere I'd like to sleep
Soundly, quietly.

In his hair I find my hands
Searching for what haunts him
But gliding through every strand
I soothe him with my love.

He reminds me of somewhere I'd like to find
Somewhere lush, somewhere bright
He reminds me of somewhere I'd like to play
Wildly, freely.

In my arms I hold him close
Covering his skin with my soul
Goosebumps, on each others skin
I love him with my body.

He reminds me of somewhere I'd like to seek
Somewhere dangerous, somewhere high
He reminds me of somewhere I'd like to run
Quickly, simply.

In his eyes I see the signs
Locking our gaze of flowers
Smiles, stretching our mouths
I speak to him in song.

He reminds me of somewhere I'd like to be
Somewhere far, somewhere clean
He reminds me of somewhere I'd like to keep
In my heart, in my soul.

I told him my secret
Of the love that I've kept
Deep in my heart, from him.

I divulged all the details
Pouring out my soul of emotions
And serving my heart on a silver platter, to him.

At first the initial shock
Of telling all my desires
Showed on my face, but it was acceptable, to him.

He completely agreed
And understood my words
My poetic confession appealing, to him.

He loves me, he say's
And I love him
Which is exciting to me, and to him.

Now that the secret is out
The passion is unleashed
Which is entirely okay with me, and with him.

Where we stand is spiraling
Into a depth thought unreachable
And the idea is less terrifying, and more exhilarating to me, and maybe to him.

I've accessed intense emotions
That I thought were only for the insane
But maybe I'm crazy, to him.

I've opened my heart
Everything I am, spilling out
And it seems it is more than just a little something, to him.

I expect this to work out
Maybe for the long haul, I don't really know
That would be nice to me.. and maybe a little crazy, to him.

A little crazy never hurt anybody
At least it never hurts me
And clearly, that's okay with him.

Everything.
Everything's okay.

The base of everything is black
And behind my eyelids.
Splashes of exotic colors
Explosions like firecrackers.
I know everything
I am everything
And everything knows me
And everything is me.
Whirring lines of transfiguration
Not tangible images
But the core of each thing
It's essence.
No bodies.
No thoughts.
No ideas.
Just knowing
And being.
Each depth I understand
And beyond that depth, I understand
And going down deeper, I still understand.
And it's endless
Like an abyss
Except less black
And more yes, yes, yes.
Sounds are accents to colors
But not necessary
For everything is connected
So everything knows
And to what are words?
Nothing but nothing
There are no words here...
When everything knows
And is, everything.
Lights, lots of lights
Coinciding with color
And creating sound
With it's slap of bright
And splatter of life.
There are more colors than I remember
When my body was mine.
There are sounds I think exist
But I could never hear them before.
Rumbling, rolling.
There are lights so bright I can see souls
Even though I all ready knew they were there.
Free-falling
And floating at the same time
While being rooted
To everything.
There's a buzzing over the flesh of the universe
Ripple-like effects of wavey buzzes
Touching each thing.
And I feel it all in my center
And it's on fire
But so wet.
And it spreads out in a beat like a heart; all over me
Because I am everything.
No shapes and sizes
No differentiating from each thing
The lines are blurred
The edges blending together
Everything is one
But still each thing individually connected.
I understand
And I take this understanding back with me
When I melt back into my fingers and toes
And join the worldy world
With a universe of understanding.

It was a moment we shared
That held more power than I'll ever understand
A moment we shared
So enlightening, so magical.

The water was rushing
Over our naked forms
And we're face to face
In this moment.

I didn't expect anything
That happened
To happen like that
It was something special.

You're voice is so profound
So beautiful, so amazing
I could feel your power
All over me, within me.

Our foreheads pressed together
My breath is heavy but controlled
Because I feel so clean
So refreshed and reborn.

In this moment
Visuals pass behind my eyelids
I could never recreate what I saw
But I'm sure you could feel it.

When you were through
Chanting to my very soul
I don't think I've ever felt so alive
I don't have the words to describe..

I huddled down into the water
Because it, I had become
Prior to this moment
And it cleansed my everything.

When I opened my eyes
I realized, I was crying
Cause what you did
Made me feel a new rapture of emotion.

I could tell you what this did to me
But there's no way to really tell someone lightly
That you don't want anyone else
But them.

And there's no easy way to put
That you feel like your very essence
Is tied to theirs, after this moment
And you won't let them go.

I don't just understand you now
I know you
I don't just watch you
I'm with you.

You don't have to explain yourself to me anymore
And I don't have to try to understand
But really I'm confused
Cause now I know.

I more than know
I am.

I am there with you.

When the universe began there was chaos and disorder,
Before we divided, I focused on my own outside border.
Besides the fangs and alien forces,
Laughter expanded my walls and charted courses.
I could navigate the paths to each universe separately,
Though the walk was treacherous I continued inevitably.
Time passed by slowly, no matter the location,
Other nights I lost time because of the recreation.
My mind understood things that shouldn't be understandable,
Not the meaning of life but answers to the beyond incomprehensible.
Inside the photographs and paintings all over,
I could see the movement, the change, that wasn't there sober.
What I wanted to say wouldn't come out,
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get passed the doubt.
I heard everything said but didn't comprehend,
I could smile but I was unable to lend a hand.
Lead outside, I raised my eyes to the sky, to be enlightened,
I had known it all along but before I was frightened.
It was endless, and dark, with a depth like eternity,
Unable to look away it nearly swallowed me.
Back safe inside I traveled a short journey,
Hopeful to find the laughter that expanded my walls originally.
A magical place through a door, and through another,
Musical sounds and lots of color.
On a similar level I could blend in,
But a destroyer of worlds nearly made my walls cave in.
Escaping back to the other side,
A Charizard in the kitchen, a monkey in disguise.
Don't get ****** in, don't get ****** in,
It's madness and trickery, you must defend.
Stay back and be a spy,
Through a pentagonal shape for my eye.
A tickle-y feeling so I go down the hall,
But I am diverted by a door like a wall.
Locked, I can't seem to grasp,
But a leader with a hat showed me passed.
Or rather through a secret door,
Into a chamber I didn't know before.
Inside I discovered beautiful things,
And I tasted the delight that pumpkin brings.
My reflection was clearer and more defined,
I guess I never before saw the signs.
I felt like a secret confined,
So I fled to return another time.
Into a room to visit a neighbor,
A quiet and peaceful, relaxing chamber.
This universe is nice but not my first choice,
So with a present delivery I went back to the noise.
Under a rainbow knit blanket I found,
Heartbeats in hands that I thought to spread around.
The blanket returned to it's covered state,
And I took the secret to somewhere safe.
Through a door, and another door,
The light struck me as I saw smokey waves and heard a roar.
Horn of Damocles, Horn of Damocles.
Saved the day, saved the day.
Destroyer of worlds as well as creator,
Banishment happened sooner than later.
The walls lost their breath, but the stars were still bright,
The music was enchanting along with the light.
Enough adventure for I,
It's over, goodbye.
It's a sad word so I choose another to say,
Bye-bye seems less far away.
The rainbow blanket no longer stirs,
The universe has calmed and the aliens have dispersed.
The bone-man soothes the soul,
With his music he rocks and rolls.
Takes the nurse away for the night,
Thank God cause I almost lost the fight.
Did I tell you the universe is in your eyes?
I heard it earlier from someone near by.
He was rather blunt but I was unaffected,
We didn't **** but it was a nice suggestion.
I forgot to mention that we crucified,
A man who I know, and wouldn't rather die.
So we set him free, earlier in the night,
Before the laughter I saw something slight.
In a painting as a gift for me,
Jesus on the cross and an angel of mercy.
With that I'm going to conclude,
Oh Magical Manna, I approve.

I feel old sometimes
Like a blossom trapped between pages of a dictionary
A dictionary that had been left in the attic for years.

I feel young sometimes
Like a kitten that plays with it's toy on the floor
A kitten that never knew that there was more to life outside the house it lives in.

I feel hated sometimes
Like a blister bubbled on the bottom of your foot
A blister that you have to deal with for the rest of the hike.

I feel loved sometimes
Like tasting chocolate for the first time
A chocolate bar you received from your love on Valentines Day.

I feel ***** sometimes
Like how you feel after a day at the beach
A day at the beach that you still didn't shower after you got home.

I feel clean sometimes
Like that feeling you get when it rains and you're standing in it
A rain after the hardest week of your life.

I feel alone sometimes
Like when you're surrounded by all your loved ones but you don't exist
When you seem to go unnoticed when all you wanted was to be seen.

I feel claustrophobic sometimes
Like when you're trapped in an elevator with too many people
Trapped, when all you wanted was to be alone.

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel
But if I didn't feel
I wouldn't be me
And if I wasn't me
I wouldn't feel.

I'd breathe for you
If you needed me to
And I'd let it out slowly
To give you a sense of inner peace.

I'd see for you
If you needed me to
And I'd describe my sights
To allow you to see what I see.

I'd speak for you
If you needed me to
Though it isn't my brightest idea
I'd hold my own, so you could be free.

I'd think for you
If you needed me to
I wouldn't recommend it
But I'd do it if need be.

I'd feel for you
If you needed me to
Touch everything to be touched
So that you could feel it too.

I'd walk for you
If you needed me to
And I'd go to the end of the world
To get you to where you need to be.

I'd smile for you
If you needed me to
Even if I was down
I'd abolish my frown, to be happy for you.

I'd cry for you
If you needed me to
And I'd let out all of my sorrows
On behalf of the pain you feel.

I'd fight for you
If you needed me to
Even at my worst
I'd challenge anyone, anything.

I'd stop for you
If you needed me to
Even when I think I can't quit
I'd drop everything.

I'd laugh for you
If you needed me to
And I do every day
Because you make it so easy.

I'd climb for you
If you needed me to
Even if I hated the idea
I'd go right to the top, without complaint, because I know how you are.

I'd give up everything
If you needed me to
Even when I try to say I would never
I would, for the love in my heart.

And most importantly: I'd die for you
As scary as that sounds
The intensity I feel for you
Is like below freezing water, or the center of the sun.

Don't be afraid
Of my feelings
As crazy as they sound
I can still be practical
I can still be logical
I can still watch out for myself, watch out for you.

I don't mean to be so dramatic
Or theatrical
But I feel this way
I really feel this way.