Mother thunders toward the bedroom door;
a great steam locomotive huffing and
puffing on piston churning hips,
head of steam and flashing lights
sweep a red warning.
I heed
but she jumps the track,
and suddenly I am beneath
the cold wheels of her wrath,
flailing away,
flesh and bone grinding in the dust,
                               
while her shrill whistle blows.

She placed a scarf in my hand
on a cold and rainy day,
lavender lace
laden with the scent
of Oscar de la Renta.
That would be
the last of us,
I lost her on that day.

She always had a penchant
for fine fragrances,
I always had a penchant
for elusion.

I ran to hide my secrets
in a place I couldn’t be loved
and zombied along for
two decades and then some.

Occasionally
when women pass in
crowded halls or shopping malls
their trailing wake radiates
a breezy scent,

a swirling memory
of what's been lost,

a stinging pain
for that which
slipped away.

I live in my skin
acutely aware
and suffer a voice in my brain,
a demon or such
who’s there to deceive,
his goal is to make me insane.
He leaves those alone
who don’t seem to feel,
those zombies who live in a dream,
He mocks their dull lives
and simple retreats
while I bear the weight of his beam.
His whispering thoughts
are constantly there,
they haunt and they curse late at night,
while zombies asleep
on opposite sides
of chasms are dreaming they’re right.
To narrow the gap
of this great divide
I must find a place in-between,
to build me a room
with comfortable chairs
and settle my soul with routine,
The problem it seems
is “see-saw syndrome”,
there’s no stopping once in the air,
I get to the point
where I might find rest
then freefall back down to despair.

To simply say in words
     I love you more today
     cannot express the truth
     of how far I have come

there are only these extremes

Under the universe of forever
     the many ways I love you are
     like stars that can’t be counted,
     a black velvet sky
     scattered with diamond light
     as far as the eye can see

Into the depths of eternity
     the many ways I love you are
     like ocean floors uncharted,
     a vast unknown world
     dark and mysterious
     as much as the mind can believe

Over the surface of infinity
     the many ways I love you are
     like care-free country roads,
     a safe pathway home
     breezy with summer scents
     as near to my heart as the wind

Within the confines of my soul
     the many ways I love you are
     like an innocent child at play,
     a pure joy of life
     lost within a fantasy
     as free as the Grace he receives

I don’t intend to die
before my time
but often
feel the sting
of dead intentions