sleeping more
eating less
seeing more
feeling less
hearing more
talking less

i’m trying to be healthy
i’m eating more than one meal a day
i’m working out
i’m smoking to have a good time
i’m pushing through the bad times
again

a bucket list for the mind if you will

you think when someone writes, all the insecurities flow into the poetry and out of the person
you’d think it’s relieving and is viewed as an outlet
i find myself trying to be someone i’m not
for fear of being myself, who i despise
i find it hard to believe i think so cliche

i want to sit at the bottom of a pool
until the water flows through my lungs and restricts the oxygen from my muscles
leaving me unable to breathe.
gasping for air where there is none
reaching for a life i would rather not return to
warm water

ice frozen on the street quiet like sand
crackles of fireplaces match when she steps on the snow
she wants an escape to wonderland with alice herself
fills her days with people she loves, every second busy no space for doubt
leaving their memory of her sweeter than the last, just in case it is just that
she sits down in the street and looks up, sees the massive sky, she’s never looked at the constellations before but tonight the brisk air told her too
she loves the stars, how they are small and yet, more terrifying than any personal shortcoming
she says she loves the quiet and shivers to herself as she begins to put herself in perspective
love is the single greatest invention
she uses it to calm herself
she loves the stars

i think about just stopping