People don't see me,
Or if they do I don't notice,
Or maybe they do, but I don't car,
Actually it's more likely that they do and they don't care.
But you do.
The moment I first saw you, I felt my heart quicken,
I thought "Where have you been all my life?"
Your auburn hair fell in your face,
I had to look up to make eye contact,
And you had a contagious smile that just lightens up the room,
Infecting everyone within a certain radius,
Especially me.
Fast forward a few months,
And we become best friends.
I show you come of the parts of me that I don't show to anyone,
Tears slowly fall from my blue eyes as my pain shows through,
You respond by wrapping those arms around me,
Your shoulders are so broad and your arms are big and warm,
And it just feels like home,
I never want you to let go,
Because it's a scary world out there,
And I don't think I can handle it.
Then you smile at me,
And I can't help but smile back,
I smile like I mean it,
Because I do mean it,
I smile through the pain, swallowing it back in my throat,
You're there, and it's all that matters.
Then I just say it.
I tell you how I feel.
And I'm prepared to be shot down,
Why would I make myself so vulnerable to the person who protects me?
But at least I would know….
I would make it past this…
Correction:
We would make it past this…
And then you say you feel it too…
You feel it too…
You feel it too…
I keep repeating it in my head because it will just not sink in.
You feel it too.
About a month passes,
And we're separated by body, but not by soul,
We talk everyday,
And when we don't talk, I'm thinking about you,
I can't help it,
I'm just addicted to the way you make me feel,
And I know you feel the same way,
Miles away, but still in my heart.
And then people start to find us out.
They figure us out,
They say we're a bad thing.
To them, I'm a gateway to all of the things you're not supposed to do as a "Good Christian",
But why does that matter?
This Jewish girl is crazy about YOU,
Not the person I want you to be,
Or even the person I expect you to be.
Just you as you are.
But you listen to them.
You tell me you can't do this.
You walk out because you're too scared to take a stand.
You don't want to upset anyone, and you let me get hurt in the process.
With just a few words, we go from two shared hearts, to you having both of our hearts.
I become numb.
I can't feel anymore.
You walked out with my heart and you don't even know it…
The entire summer goes by,
We barely talk,
I wonder if you're ignoring me,
If you want to talk to me,
If you miss me,
If you just don't want to face me,
If you just don't want to face this.
I'm finally about to see you,
I'm ready to be angry with you for what you did,
To keep my guard up against the one who hurt me,
And I definitely want to make you regret it.
But then I see you,
Time just stops as you smile at me,
And I can't help but smile right on back,
And within seconds, 3 long months worth of frustration is gone,
It's you.
You.
The one I alone know.
It's not over…
Fast forward a little more…
We are lovers…
You make me feel things I have never felt before,
My past, your past, our past,
All of it no longer matters,
All that matters is our bodies moving in our own beautiful rhythm,
I can't resist you,
And I don't want to.
I lay on top of you,
With my bare chest on yours,
Feeling your heart beat under me,
I look up at you and you give me a short and sweet kiss,
And then I smile,
Because I don't need a promise of the future,
I don't need a label,
I don't need anything but you and me in this moment,
And you smile on back at me,
You see me like no one else does,
Like no one else can,
And that's enough.
Written: November 1, 2012