"I need to tell you that while you forget me more and more
each day i think more about you all the time."
4:44pm

i read
and oh, god
how i laughed

i could say so much
but you know i wont


                                                  you know i wont

this is not a poem
more than it is a reminder:
*life goes on

i never read the end
of the book that you gave me
at the very beginning of us
because right now
you are exactly the same:

*you are like a book
i couldn't keep reading

"I still think about you all the time. Dont reply. But i really love you."
7:03pm

a.k.a.

"I want you to be okay. But i dont."

Thanks for the kindness.

i have two different ways to deal with the broken us:

1.
at night, i take as many pills as i can
i crawl to my bed feeling my bones dismantle
my body is full of sorrow
i miss you harder every second
and i think about everything you've done but still
my kind, melted side is praying for you to be okay

2.
during the day, i still have the same routine i had when you were here
now without you
i remember things we used to do and places we used to go
a thousand times
and all of them gets each time more terrifying
and i whisper repeatedly about
how much i wish it takes a long, hard time for you to forget me
that you struggle to settle down your mind
to take me off of your head
as much as i am struggling right now
and i wish that someday, when you think that
i have finally left your mind fully
we meet again

and maybe this time we can make it

my heart died a long time ago
and my brain became a monotonous straight line
but my body insists to keep me awake

i see my reflection
but i cant read myself
i can only stare

perhaps death has reached its higher point
and i didnt even notice

you surely made me want to feel
things i had never felt before
and i did
right there when you were holding me up high
you told me things that now slowly fade through time
and the only thing i can still feel is short of breath
caused by your hands around my neck
tightening
while im hanging on the edge
of this abyss that you are keeping me