I know that she finds safety with me,
though i'm unsure of how she decided that.

It's be lying,
they,
they lie,

saying don't ask
but,
please do tell?
you want the truth,
when it's,
convenient,
a fast food convenience,
not when its real,
not when it's raw.
you take the jersey shore,
to the feel of the jersey shore,
and ilk seeks out ilk,

and I become disgusted with your stance,
who'd you ****** with that crucifix today,
you wear white to herald your purity,
but you're covered in blood,
sticky matter that messes up your picket fence lifestyle,

"a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets"

and you are dying while your lying,
saying you're free of disease,

and what of the disease of your jealousy,
and it's eating at you.

You're a bitter wasteland of broken down homes,
and the shame isn't being broken,
were all walking 'round,
asunder,
blood drips off the things,
not already dead,
we've all got slivers splintering the ***** of our heart,
No judgement lies in the your fear, in the hypocrisy of your life.
You're so afraid to be seen,
you repress the memories,
to numb,
to destroy,
the humanity
  that could save you
    from the fall.

she speaks in rhymes and riddles
and i cant help but listen.

and i'm a mess of insecurity
wrapped up in a box of smoke and mirrors

and im putting you through the wringer
unsure of north or south

they say follow the constellations of your heart
yet we cant map out the stars,

And he presses up against me,
and I can feel my heart bouncing in my throat,
he's snakes his hands around me,
making it
difficult,

to breathe,

to think,

to process information,

to comprehend the words,
that flow,

I follow the dance of his,
tongue,
and I am sluggish,

I am inebriated,
in desire, left in the wake....  

....... wake
to the sound of my alarm,
and I curse,
the cruel,
ways my,
mind,
plays,
tricks,
on the me,
I am unguarded,
in sleep,

a wake,
I am strong,
and I can ignore,
the "lonelies",

he say's anxiety,
is misplaced trust,


but I'm trusting,
others have forsaken what was to be the goal,
but I'm still waiting,
I'm here.
waiting,

like a landmark,
against a tsunami,
I'm here waiting,

God had seven days to create all we,
know, can't wait to see what,
he has in store,
20 years and more,

I'm waiting for the hands that shaped me,
to place me.


and I'm still here,
I'm waiting.

You inhale my innocence like it was a drug,
you tear it off me,
just like the new shoes I scraped up to buy,

and you say "but baby,babe, I love you",
and you'd find all the touch points,
to give me a heart attack,

and I said " but mama, mama,
he said he loved me."

I'm sure he loves me.


And she'd start off with the little things,
sightings of him and a barbie in a dress,
and then she'd build up,
incantations of dancing with the devil,

But his hands held me.
His hands, they held me, unafraid,
of the walls I resurrected or the fear and confusion I could infuse.

left,right,left,right.

He undressed  me with his eyes,
and with his words he'd dress me up,
but the demons of the day,
play nice up in till dark.

1.2.3.4.4.3.2.1.

His hands, they held me.
They spun me circling around,
and pulled me back in.
Close.chest to chest.
They rubbed my back,
they lifted my head.

And you came to me broken,
like broken glass.
You were broken but gentle in remorse, and liquid guilt,
bruised and body beaten,
I covered you,
pulled together and tug the warmth off my body and laid it over you.
You shivered, trembling, I asked if you were still cold.

It's getting cold now,
I still wonder if your soul still wanders,
I wonder if your still freezing.

I've poured out the hot cocoa,
and I've locked all the doors.

You will not find comfort in me anymore.

and You make deals with the devil,
to bring up memories of me,

But I'm done, doing the damsel
and you are left with your disease.

Remember when
we were the only ones to sit in silence
and feel no need to feel it,
and remember when
you held my hand in remembrance of another,

And I cant black out the stars ,
you say shines so bright,
who I'm i but a little night light on a dreary day?

Can we just talk and listen?
Does it always have to be this one sided?

STOP.

just breathe,
breathe in the scent,
the emotion,
the cold,
take it all in,
and let it fill all the spaces,
and unreached cavity,
breathe out the dark of night,
to purchase the parts of a new day.

i sit here, with one desire that opens to all others.
                      Warmth.
i just want your arms to encircle me,

just hold me till i melt,
and i am loose,
hold me till the tremors stop,
hug me till all my fears fade away,

let me rest upon your chest
and breathing in. and out.
over. and over.
as i embrace your warmth,
may the shivers stop.

Can we halt for just a moment,
and just breathe,
here,
together,
in this warmth filled bubble of protective silence,

in, out,
our chests rise and fall,
in sync,

And would you just hold this hand,
till you can give it to another

And i can't sleep tonight,
i can't find the  words to make this right.

Won't you stay? please don't fight.

I am not asking for what the others want,
just lay here, beside me, share with me your sunlight,
i'll  borrow some of your warmth, and tell me of your day of monotony,
long enough that my breath hiccups, long enough for you to pause.
to remember back to when,

she said, "its cold here"
it's always so cold,
its your warmth that left me,
and i struggle on.

all i wanted was to sit near you and feel your warmth,
and i don't want your touch,
that's not what i have come here for,
but i want the burning sensation of your warmth,
washing overme,
as the intimacy of your warmth melts me to the core,

why is it we can't hug without expecting more,
and i don't want you,
i just want you here beside me,
leg to leg,
as we melt together,
our desire to just breathe,
in ,out, in, out,
and hug me long till slumber grabs me strong.

and I kept a box for your anger,
something to remember you by.

I placed it right next to the objects of your desires,
and the shelf of your lies.

we talked about love and leaving,
and how you were more of the leaving kind,

and its *****
because I'm the lover, left long, lone to die,
you whispered about forever,
knowing well the cowards lie.