and it's dark here,
and I have become so cold,
and i sense his presence before I make out his shape.

I know what he has come to do,
he strips me of my dreams,
slandering them with the impossibilities,
he shatters my confidence,
while reminding me of my overwhelming failures,

"You were born to the night and in the night you will live" he decrees,
and there are days where i believe him.

maybe it would be better if he hit me, at least then i could explain the scars.

his words they cut me,

and i am raw,
defenseless against his blade.

he puts me with his trinkets,
honors he has collected over the years,
and the award itself not the true intent,

just something to sit behind his back,
as he invites honored guests into the room,
"Be Hold" he says,

he plays the servant while maintaining he is the master,
he fools many with his charade.

i sit placid on his shelf head held high,
with sad eyes, and the scars our many
invisible to see under the layers i put on,

But my skin it is bruised,
but they do not see it,
and maybe they aren't looking
to concerned with the heads that roll.

**These words they matter,
don't they matter,
if only to relieve the unseen.

And i am angry,
i am scared,
i sleep in the despair of a prisoner,
in chains,
placed behind thick metal,

and i watch you lips move,
and i nod my head to acknowledge,
all the things you've said
to nod in response,

you continue on citing the injustice,
and you are so clearly justified,
but im hiding me now,

send your troops,
throw your deceiving hand grenades,
AT the way i live my life,
as I make plans to escape,
but i cant hold it,
my hurt my sorrow,
as you sling your words of poisonous hate,
you shake your head, you close your eyes,
im hesitating my hand it grip the door,

I know you. I know you well.
I know you in some ways more then i could ever know me.
I know the sting of your cancerous disease,
the bitterness that kills,
i know the stupor you drive yourself to,
I to forget,
if you only you weren't able to remember.

I run my hands over the scars,
remembering the pain,
scars you gave me,
yet never forgiven or forgotten,
I know the crevices of your heart,
ive seen the trenches of your despair,

I know the why's ,
I have felt the hows,

and when I leave I will take with me the something you never had,
you'll never have,
me.


I am running now.

This is the life of the living,
it's  the price i pay,
states, towns, rivers,
and canyons divide us,
but your breath is on my shoulder,
you blow hot air.

It was a sliding scale,
and its not,
we arent,
we love in fear,
or play out the jaded concept,
of what love is,
we avoid emotional intimacy,
like a ****** transmitted disease,
we bathe ourselves in,

and we are scared,
we chose the empties,
so desperately afraid of something whole.

we are the generation popping pills,
like the tic tacs of choice,
we numb ourselves to the point of loss,

BUT ITS OUR RIGHT! ITS OUR CHOICE.

and we lose consciousness while breathing in,
worrying about what we once were,
and what is now,
afraid of the dark, we try and bathe ourselves in flourecent light.

shackeled to the shame
of the emptuiness of our years,
pretend we dont hurt, push the feelings aside,
just to belong,
we love in fear,
to escape the consequence of decisions,
but we are forever deciding,
and indecision is a choice even though its still deciding,

lovers lost in a war,
fighting a battle of selective memory,
and we drink amnesia like it's the cure
(it isn't the cure)
and we give ourselves away,
without dictation of the currency,
in which we exchange,
and we'd be lying even if we handed out the quotes,
and please dont tell the truth to slander my life of lies
because it could ****** well **** me,
it becomes a ticking time bomb making changes i really cant commit too,

and we are broken
long left forgotten
war stricken
his body a canvas of destruction,
blood drips from your brow
your clothes show of months
you could only survive
your feet,
knows well the feel of the earth,
your shoes,
bartered for things used up in moments,
and i would take care of you my love.
clothe you in my warmth
and dress you in my finest
offerings
I will take you,
i will set you by the fire,
my words your liquor, that invades your thoughts,
leaving you wanting,
wanting me ,
like , I, too want you.
your body,
the map,
shaped by the horrors you have endured,
but every ragged breath i breathe you breathe too,
and i thank god for the next.
I do.

cover up dear,you've got to remember the uglies.
she said.
but i strip.
and there is the wind ,
i hear the waves,
what comes will be the rain,
and i want it too,
impale me, strike me,
unleash its fury,
i know its free

i see her still,
backwards hick,
*******.
you do not know me,
you never wanted to
but i bring the uglies to the water
i strip because i was born to be inhabited
you cover me with the lies of your lovers lost
but i will not be defined by your backwards mind
the inverted hope you that you try to rip into me with
i dive into the sea it always welcomes me,
its my lost lover, it caresses me ,
it weaves around the tattered corners of my heart and heals the rough parts
i accept the waves as the rock me and i listen to the tempo and i move with in its embrace

and you wrote on my wall
just you and me
and the stars that come out to dance
i pretend im sleeping and maybe just maybe i am
you the ****** and i the addict
its natural though like i've lived this life once before
and its familiar
this softness
the air cold
ragged intakes
like the feeling unaccustomed to be understood
and this isnt the life we chose
were just haunted by it
and who were are
is what we thought we'd amount to be
and i let it go
it belongs to the sea and i too the air but yet we fit perfectly
and just to hint and id be back for more
just another time id be glued to the door
not in nor out.