i. worry;
buries itself deep beneath my bones
  sends shudders down my throat
plants a cluster of
        mines on the tips of my feet

ii. fear;
lingers longer than i would like
    beams and shines with a blinding light
manifests itself in the
         otherwise empty hollows of my soul

iii. change;
stands outside my curtained windows
  challenges the way i think and act
threatens to intrude at
             the most unexpected of times

green trees
     green grass
         green light
              (oh)
fast

yellow bricks
      yellow road
           yellow light
               (my)
faster

amber hair
      amber eyes
           amber light
             (God)
too fast

red heart
    red blood
       red light
         (!)
impact

blue lips
     blue skin
          blue bed
           (I)
rush

blurry touch
    blurry eyes
        blurry words
          (love)
sinking

dizzy spell
    dizzy haze
        dizzy thoughts
          (you.)
*falling

i want
big, doe eyes
     that you can't take seriously
even when i'm yelling at you
          face red, voice scratchy
at 3am
                      to leave.

i want
soft, wispy hair
       that you'd twirl round and round
telling me you *love me, i'm your baby &
                     eyes red, voice low
at 3am
                           i'd tell you the same.

i want
a nose only fit for pleasance
        that'd allow me to enjoy the roses
you brought to apologize for coming home late
                               hair up, voice hushed
at 3am
                            and not the alcohol on your breath.

i want
featherweight skin
        so when you pull me by your side
there is only a thin layer of cells between our hearts
                            noses turned, voices unheard
at 3am
                               i hug you closer.

i want
a burning ambition to make things work
        that would keep this alive
whatever this may be
                    skin tight, voices livid
at 3am
                    waking up the neighbors.

i want
to be 80 pounds again
         so you would carry me back
when i fall asleep in the car, hand clasped with yours
                             mind on hold, your sweet lullaby
at 3am
                                sending me back to sleep.

oh,
         i'm not trying to be perfect
i just want you to stick around a little longer
                      deep down
i know i can change
                      but the problem is you

D- Days go by and I keep hearing footsteps. The rhythm they make is undeniably catchy.

A- Always, always I hear the tip taps replay in my mind. A constant song amid incoherent thoughts.

N- Never have I heard anything like it. It’s new yet old, original yet familiar.

I- In-between my coffee breaks I type quickly, quicker, quickest. The sound of the keys jumping up and down passes time, ever-so-slowly.

A- And, once again, the day has ended. The song has played and bills have been paid, a day I would call complete if not had I known it will once again repeat.

Tomorrow.

I look behind me and I speed up my pace.
I look forward but I’m staring into space.
To both my sides: Friends, I see.
But in a moment, it’s just me.
I look around, it’s a lovely place.
The pursuit of happiness is a game of chase.
I dance and play.
To some’s dismay.
The day’s gone.
Sun’s shone.
I’m fast asleep.
Succumbed to slumber, counting sheep.

you pulled the cork
   like an open faucet
      my feelings poked through
          and poured out

you pulled the door
     like a misplaced barracade
        no thoughts came in
            and none out

you pulled the wedge
      and like a balloon
           my reason whizzed
               around the room

you pulled the trigger
   so swift and at ease


      my heart took the shots
          my head took the wounds

meet me beneath the churning river
         wearing a golden mask

oh

love
   have you awoken
from your deep slumber

have your eyes
     accepted the many
definitions
       of beauty
in this world

have your senses
    aroused at
the thought
     of a butterfly
landing on the tip
        of your crooked nose
          
have your plans
     recoiled
into petty
      dreams;
have they spoiled
         once again?

    have your fears
rebound
      pouncing like
a hound
       steady to return &
  desperate to be found

is there
    a sound so sweet
is there
     a beat
            so neat
   as the pitter
and patter
     of teeny-tiny feet