Now I understand what that one schoolmate felt. Though his rank is good and high, it feels like it doesn't enough for him.
Having a good grades is the first thing to be enough especially if you're ugly. Then I realized that slow progress is better than no progress. But it's so hard to be a called "jack of all trades" by my self, it's too difficult. It's so hard to do the things you're good at in the wrong place, just like right now because they were used to it. They were used to think and see that I'm ugly, not enough, dumb in school, stupid at everything. It's so embarrassing to do the things I want to do in front of everyone I've used to. It's so embarrassing and it feels like everyone are focusing or gazing at me if I changed.
I want to be me, I want to completely change. When will the world could do that for me? Will I be able to get the wish that I've dreamed of?