The distance between us is sending grief my way
Yet it wont last for as long as they say
We'll both grow up and we'll figure this out
Neither of us will hold on to doubt
We'll sing songs
And we'll dance
It wont be long
Until we are holding hands
And the melodies of our love song
Will fill all the lands
Together we'll say
Welcome to this glorious day
In which I'll see your beautiful face

I can hear it
In the back of my mind
The screaming for help
And no not just a scream of fear
It's a scream of ultimate terror
The worry if you'll wake up or not
It's a worry if you'll even have enough food do eat for the week
It's a survival game
And the ones who make it out alive
Have to deal with the aftermath
The constant breakdowns
The flashbacks
The panic
And the paranoid feelings
Always wondering why this had to happen
Feeling like nobody cares
And depression
So the ones who make it out of abuse alive
Now have to make it out of depression alive
The ones who made it out
Deal with even more than they should've

And then you get to thinking
What about the children with normal lives
Whose parents are still together
Who always have a meal in front of them
And have a roof over their heads

Why does abuse have to happen?
And then people say abuse made you stronger
When actually you made yourself strong.

Somehow life went on without you...

Let it go...
If it mattered to you at one time then it was important
But if it's holding you back it's a distraction.

When I take a good look at that house
I see pictures of people I've never seen before
I see medals I've never won
I see the peoples faces who call me daughter
But I have no idea who they are
I see my reflection but I don't know my name
I have no idea who I am
This house is full of memories
But these are not my memories
This is my past

When you love you have to prepare to get your heart broke
You have to be willing to get your heart broke
That doesn't always mean that it will
But there is always a chance
I was never prepared for it

Everyday it's the same
I wake up and realize that you're still gone
From there it hits me all at once
And then tears come
It feels like I'm drowning
How long will it hurt when people say your name in past tense?
It feels like the only way to be closer to you
Is to do the things we used to do together
But even that makes me cry
Yet I do it anyway
I would gladly listen to the songs that played at your funeral
Even if it brings up those images of you laying still in that casket
Because it makes me feel closer to you
I'm some odd way

I have recently learned a lot of things
One being the fact that people who live in one country are completely
unaware of everything in another country
It's like an alien coming to earth for the first time
everything is going to be completely new to them

Some goodbyes are better when they're never said
Some promises are better when they are never made
Some lies are better when they are never told
And some things are better when they are never done

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me

A friend who listens
one who stays
one who will
never walk away
one whose honest
and kind
genuine and hard to find

You told me I was all you'd ever need.
Was I though? Was I really if the second you got you moved on. You never looked back. You didn't care if I was about to die of pain. You never freaking cared. I hate you with everything inside of me. I hate you for breaking me when you knew how bad I was already broken. You knew everything. Even things that I wouldn't tell a soul and you used it to your advantage. You used it act like I needed to figure myself out. Maybe your right about that maybe I need to check my standards because you set the bar so low it touched hell. I cared about you, but not anymore. You changed the way I look at love and because of you lts hard for me to even tell someone that I love them. You are pathetic and I pity you for everything that you've done to me. In the end that still won't bother you though. It won't be enough to make you change. I hope that all the pain you caused me comes back and knocks you down. I hope that it's so much heartache that you question your ability to stand again. And I desperately hope that your heart breaks. Because we both know how idiotic you've been. but you won't admit to your faults. It wasn't until the end of our relationship when I found out how you truly felt. Everything I told you about my trauma you discarded like it was trash. You used it to hurt me worse. And if anybody wants to tell me I'm wrong and they have a problem with what I'm saying that's Their issue not mine. I hope that your new girlfriend comes to realize she's dating a little boy who hasn't matured. Who hasn't grown up enough to respect people. You need to get yourself in Check before someone does it for you. I promise that when that time comes your mommy won't be there for you to go running back to. So next time you wanna break a girls heart just because you know you can, rethink your decisions. You only think you've seen crazy, but I promise that this crazy can easily turn into insanity real quick.

Respect isn't given it's earned
The next time you think that I owe you something
Think again

Everything shatters
It'll disappear
And float off in the wind

My birthday is coming up
Yet I don't look forward to it
I don't because on that day
I'll be older than you ever were...

You looked in the eyes and
Though there's tears rolling down
You still fed me lies
You tell me it's okay
But you don't hear my cries
You don't understand
I'm losing sleep at night
Don't tell me that you care
Because you're never really there
You don't even see
You're already hurting me

I know depression's hard
But please hold on
Lay down your guard
I don't want you to be gone
I'll be here
I'm here
I don't wanna lose another person

I tried to tell you I'd be fine
I wanted you to know that it's okay
You won't have to leave me behind
But you don't have to stay

Lately everything has been so much...and I can't take it.
I'm struggling

I only wish that death left no scars
However selfish that may be...
I don't want to feel this way after losing someone
Yet being full of pain only meant that you cared
I want to care, but I don't want to be left with nothing in the end.  

I feel so self centered and selfish

A good friend told me that those who pour out their soul are the strong ones
The ones who hold everything in are the ones who are weak

Think about that...

If everything falls apart... I'll be the one to glue it back together.

That path you're on
It will eventually lead you to something far greater
Than you can ever imagine

To a beauty that you've never seen before
To a feeling you've never felt before

To a love far better than any love you've ever had

On that path
You can find Jesus

Love somebody like you will lose them tomorrow

Your love burnt a hole in my heart
It left ashes and pain
When things fell a part
Hatred fell like rain

Don't be afraid to care about someone

They tell you to go out and have fun
But...
When you do and you get into trouble it's the end of the world
They tell you to go make friends
But...
They don't approve of your new friends
They tell you to find love
But...
When you do all the sudden your too young

Can I ever please them?

should anyone love me?
do I deserved it?
Probably not

Maybe I have fallen short of my poems
Maybe I am not good enough to even post on this website
I am and unsophisticated poet
Yet sometimes I feel maybe I have exceeded my expectations
When writing a poem or a thought
But I know that I will never be more than a Unsophisticated Poet

I've learned to live with knowing your not...
Yet when you died a piece of me did too
I guess now I am half alive.

Someone out there is falling a part right now
Someone out there is having the best day of their life
Someone out there is mentally unstable
someone out there is living life happy

Be the someone who helps everyone

He looked at her, but when he did he saw more than her physical features, he saw all the damage beneath the surface. He saw pain and heartbreak, and...emptiness. Yet he didn't walk away... he didn't leave her when she had that first panic attack and couldn't breathe. He stayed and he held her hand the whole time reminding her it'll be okay. He was there when her life was turned upside down. And he stayed. He told himself everyday how lucky he was.

She looked at him, She saw all the tears as they slowly fell down his face. Instead of yelling saying, "men don't cry." She wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes. Even though she had no clue why he was crying.

That my friends is love...

The things I like to enjoy are slowly coming back
Not very fast, but I think I'm gonna be okay

Here I am
Shattered and broken
But ready to be repaired...

The only way out is through christ

Instead of leaning on my own understanding
I will turn to Christ

when I lay there in the ground
don't cry
don't wonder what you could've done
just don't

I don't want a celebration of life
or a funeral

I want someone to lay me 6 feel below
and pretend I never existed

the world was better before I came into it

I've lost so much
I've lost my Biological family to drugs
I've lost my best friend to suicide
I've lost myself
I've lost hope
I've lost everything that matters

Where's God now?
Now that my world is crumbling
And my hands are shaking

I keep thinking that I can make it
That I can be the first on in my Biological family to go to college
That I can do this...but what if I'm wrong?

What if I haven't proved them wrong
But I've showed them how much they were right?

I am nothing... I never will be

Honestly I don't know If I will make it...
I'm going to try, but what if trying isn't enough?
What if I do all I can, but I still sink into that hole in my chest
And people only start to care when I'm gone

If I take that knife or that gun
And I leave...

I'm done
Done with it all
The void in my heart
The hollowness in my chest
The fear in my mind
Can you just see
I'm done

Is it possible to hate your own birthday
Because you know that on that day
You'll be older than she ever was

I saw you cry
I heard you weep
I smelled the rain
I touched the mud
I tasted the salt