Those words, usually sweet
Dripping with honey
They fill my heart with joy and glee
Kind or sometimes funny

But when truly needed, they vanish
Replaced by swords
That destroy and famish
Where do you find such poisonous words

When I need something to wrap my hurt
You stab me further
to draw more blood
Keep on reminding me that I'm a burden

You call me cruel
You call me selfish
You call me a failure
You call me worthless

I love you more than life itself
Yet you **** the life I have left
Yes I agree I might not be as great as you
but I still don't deserve this abuse

After everything is over,
when my heart is shattered
you ask what you have done
what is the matter

Oh my, if only you knew
how much these words hurt
when they come from the person that is your whole world

But you don't...
yet I still love you
because I'm supposed to

From,
paper boats,
paper planes,
pillow forts
and outdoor games

To, depression and anxiety,
Fake friendships, toxic relationships
crying, lying and fighting

oh how times change

From genuine smiles
and endless dreams
To empty eyes
and silent screams

Oh how times change

I have no smiles ,
only tears
I have no dreams,
only fears

My eyes no longer shine
But I always lie
'Oh I'm fine"

This is my life

I believe our life is a tapestry
made by different colorful
threads of destiny

Each thought, action and word
represents a thread
When woven together ,
the tapestry spreads

I have to choose which thread to weave
and which one to discard
which one will be woven first
and which in the last

But whatever I choose,
I have to choose wisely
for it will determine
My life story

This life woven in in a tapestry,
By the threads of destiny

~
Oh listen, my desperate heart
At the young night Do not watch
Do not wish & do not start.
I'm powerless, injured & crucified—
Jittered, oft died & cried in yellow light.
Let not a thing be your wish
Don't wish for a thing
Don't.

I had high hopes as I kid
of what I could be
If only the younger me could know
how badly I failed her
I wished to touch the stars
but I am a nobody
I am worthless
Worthless, worthless, worthless

Always feeling like a failure I'm so tired
fears, tears , anxiety burn inside of me like fire
through my words I wanna inspire that is my only desire
in and out, the darkness swallows me
caught between reality and fantasy
burning in  fire, turning to ash, see
falling deep down with no one to catch me
And they say life is easy,

The expectation and pressure of society surrounds me
The burden of my failures drown me
My head is underwater but no one can see
I cry out so loud but no one hears me
The lonliness and self doubt tears me
I scream and scream but no one hears me
The scream of silence has no sound
it breaks me but is unheard all around
I cry and shout but in vain
So I have no choice but to smile through the pain

There is a hurricane inside of me
It slowly destroys me
All my friends just use
The guilt consumes me
Once more my heart is shattered
Felt on the ground, scattered
So now i have to clean up this mess,
And pretend i'm fine
Deal with this **** one more time

Will this ever end
even though i'm breathing,
I am already dead
And they say life is easy